Inspiration

[Distant78]

gilrs are rude to me. havent had a date in 7 years becuase they choose jerks/players

 

Don't worry. There's someone out there for you. If I can weed through all of the bad women and find a gem so can you.

[whichwayisup]

gilrs are rude to me. havent had a date in 7 years becuase they choose jerks/players

 

Could it be the energy you put out there first? And please, don't generalize. Not ALL women pick jerks/players. There are just as many men who are into women who are jerks/players. Some people make wrong choices for themselves and then they have to learn through experience.

 

OB wasn't rude to you, so why are you being pissy to her?

[OpenBook]

It's ok WWIU, I'm not offended by NYMet. I've actually felt the same frustration (but toward men) in my own life. The dating world can be hell. And then we all grow older and get married... and then the REAL hell begins. Hence, here we are in an "Inspiration" thread, trying to find something positive out of all the mess.

 

Well, at least we're still trying.

[OpenBook]

Seriously no offense, but stop riding her jock. My statement meant exactly what it said: Some get turned on knowing that their spouse has had sex with someone else. It's not necessarily "inspiration".

 

"Stop riding her jock"?? Another illegible statement to me - I have never heard that expression before. I'm pretty sure that's not what I'm doing here:confused: - but anyway, thanks for finally explaining what you mean by "it's just that they're turned on their spouse has been had by someone else." I, uh,... have NO IDEA if that's a common reaction after someone has just found out that their spouse has been sharing their body with another (is that part of the hysterical bonding between M couples after a D-Day??) - but it's an interesting thought.

[Distant78]

"Stop riding her jock"?? Another illegible statement to me - I have never heard that expression before.

 

Okay.

 

 

I'm pretty sure that's not what I'm doing here:confused:

 

I'm sure you know what you're doing.

 

 

but anyway, thanks for finally explaining what you mean by "it's just that they're turned on their spouse has been had by someone else." I, uh,... have NO IDEA if that's a common reaction after someone has just found out that their spouse has been sharing their body with another (is that part of the hysterical bonding between M couples after a D-Day??) - but it's an interesting thought.

 

You know exactly what it means, you just took the time to express your allegiance to WF.

[OpenBook]

Allllllllllllll-righty then. To revisit the OP and get back on-topic here...

 

Nobody should have to change who they are in order to keep someone else. Either you're right for each other or you're not. You can't force it.

 

So, two questions.

 

1. Can an OW be an isnpiration for a W? (regardless of how much you hate OW)

2. Should a person change who they are in order to keep a loveless M together?

 

1. Yes, I believe it is possible for an OW to be an inspiration for a W to improve her M. Clearly by the very act of infidelity, the H was looking to the OW to give him something that was missing in the M - more sex, more attention, less criticism (seems to be the most common reasons). I also believe it's possible for a W to be an inspiration to an OW, or any woman outside the M. It all depends on how the W conducts herself.

 

2. Should a person change who they are? I'm not sure about that one. There are things about myself I want to change (and I'm sure there always will be). And I could certainly see a BW wanting to make changes in order to improve her M. Often, when you love someone, you do things for them that you don't ordinarily enjoy doing - but you do them anyway simply because you love them so much.

[thomasb]

 

 

 

Hope you don't mean that the W must get on her knees after her H humiliated her.

 

 

I am unsure whether my wife felt that way. I'll have to ask her. But the only one I truly humiliated by having an affair was myself.

There was nothing 'inspiring' about the pain and anguish caused by my behavior. Unless it was the ability to feel like puking.

[jthorne]

gilrs are rude to me. havent had a date in 7 years becuase they choose jerks/players

Read the thread. Maybe if you act like you're already taken, you'll get more action.

[NoIDidn't]

I am unsure whether my wife felt that way. I'll have to ask her. But the only one I truly humiliated by having an affair was myself.

There was nothing 'inspiring' about the pain and anguish caused by my behavior. Unless it was the ability to feel like puking.

 

This is an interesting twist and take on it. How did the H in the Oprah clip mentioned in the OP feel? Was he humiliated for the acts his W was taking because of his affair? Did he just sit back and grumble about her trying like the OP's former MM does about the changes his W is taking?

 

I think a loving and remorseful H would feel just as humiliated as he made his W feel by having the affair to begin with.

[pureinheart]

OMG, how can you choose tea over coffee?

 

 

 

Oh I know, and I don't put anything in the tea! Habit? Oh WWIU I love coffee, but it wires me out really bad...but everytime I see the Poster "Morning Coffee".....ahhhhh I want a cup soooo bad!!!!!!

[MorningCoffee]

Oh I know, and I don't put anything in the tea! Habit? Oh WWIU I love coffee, but it wires me out really bad...but everytime I see the Poster "Morning Coffee".....ahhhhh I want a cup soooo bad!!!!!!

 

 

There ya go -- Enjoy!

[Distant78]

There ya go -- Enjoy!

 

So everyone drinks MorningCoffee (pun intended:lmao:)?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kiddin.

[ufo8mycat]

This is an interesting twist and take on it. How did the H in the Oprah clip mentioned in the OP feel? Was he humiliated for the acts his W was taking because of his affair? Did he just sit back and grumble about her trying like the OP's former MM does about the changes his W is taking?

 

I think a loving and remorseful H would feel just as humiliated as he made his W feel by having the affair to begin with.

 

There was a thread on this *years* ago and I have never been able to find it since and I can't recall the OP MM who started it. I think it was in the second chances forum. He talked about this very issue as he was going through the early process of reconciliation with with W. I can't recall the exact details but he outlined a situation where he had taken her to a bar at her request that he show her the same romance and good time that he had shown the OW.

 

He spoke of his embarrassment at her embarrassment and the sense of humiliation of both of them being in this situation.

 

I have no idea how it ends and I doubt I have given enough detail to dig it up but someone out there may have a better attention to detail than me. It was such an interesting thread due to the MM"s own very honest portrayal of the situation and that his W felt she had to behave this way.

 

(sorry, nothing else to add!)

[thomasb]

That might be an interesting read. Wish you could remember.

[White Flower]

Well, I don't get it either. And WF has been nothing but kind and polite to all here as the OP host, trying to respond to an illegible post. Her handling of this thread - even in the face of rude, arrogant and spiteful posts - speaks volumes for her soul. She is truly an inspiration to me, and I have no doubt that many others view her in the same light. Even bitter BS's could take a few notes out of her playbook.

Aw, OB, what a kind thing to say! Thank you:)

[White Flower]

Seriously no offense, but stop riding her jock. My statement meant exactly what it said: Some get turned on knowing that their spouse has had sex with someone else. It's not necessarily "inspiration".

 

Finally, the clarification I asked for. I had no idea the gist of your prior statement.

 

I have heard of a rare few people getting turned on by their partners having sex with others, but that is not the subject of this thread, nor is infidelity just about sex. You have oversimplified things here which makes me think you don't understand the broader concept of this thread.

 

For example, if MM was more of a gentleman and opened the door for me wherever we went, and my BH wanted to know one of the reasons I fell in love with MM was old-fashioned manners, could the BH find inspiration in that and try harder to man up and provide that for his W? Or if too proud to 'be inspired by the OM' then at least be inspired by the deep love and desire you have to reconcile and please your WS.

[White Flower]

At your service Madam White Flower.

 

 

 

There's a lot of those folks out there.

 

 

 

Unlike you I read topics just fine at first sight and you make infidelity seem as if it's so legit when you say it's not just about booty. It's nothing but lust and selfishness for another person outside the relationship/marriage. We can go around in circles about this all day.

 

 

 

Seriously? Even if he did open an irrelevant door that doesn't make him a gentleman. He's cheating on his wife. That makes him as low as a city rat.

 

 

 

 

That's not love. And the answer is no. Why? Because his wife cheated on him and didn't give a flick about risking her life and his. No one should get on their knees in front of the person who destroyed their marriage. The cheater is the one who needs to be on their knees. Divorcing her selfish arse would be the correct response.

 

 

 

Too proud? Uhhhh no. How about the husband having enough sense and confidence to not be like the idiot who helped destroy his marriage, and bowing down to the person who destroyed their vows?

 

I mean seriously is that your view on infidelity? That the betrayed spouse needs to do everything in their power to please some selfish person who was a hoe with someone else?

 

Well let me give you an example.

 

 

Husband and wife both hard workers. The WW meets an OM and engages in a EA/PA with him for, lets say, five months. BH finds out and asks why did she cheat. She says because they never had time to spend with each other and OM was extremely attractive and paid attention to her. BH divorces her and cleans her out in the divorce and marries someone else that truly loves him and never cheated on him. THAT is some inspiration.

We can agree to disagree, but I'll give you that you can be an inspiration to others. It isn't the only path, but it us a viable one for many.

 

But I wholeheartedly disagree with you on affairs only being a booty call. There are way too many non-sexual dates involved with affairs, at least in mine, and many other facts and evidence that prove otherwise. Movies, love letters, coffee dates, lunch dates...all having nothing to do with booty calls. Many love affairs are simply about that--love.

[White Flower]

We can agree to disagree, but I'll give you that you can be an inspiration to others. It isn't the only path, but it is a viable one for many.

 

But I wholeheartedly disagree with you on affairs only being a booty call. There are way too many non-sexual dates involved with affairs, at least in mine, and many other facts and evidence that prove otherwise. Movies, love letters, coffee dates, lunch dates...all having nothing to do with booty calls. Many love affairs are simply about that--love.

Edited to repair typo.

[silktricks]

Disclaimer: I haven't read this thread beyond the first few posts, so will probably repeat what's already been stated....

 

1. Can an OW be an inspiration for a W? (regardless of how much you hate OW)

I hate the word can because the answer is almost always yes. If the couple wants to recover their marriage after infidelity they both must work at fixing the things that went wrong. Some people could call that inspiration. I don't personally believe that the OW is the inspiration, however. The underlying love the married couple has for each other is IMO the inspiration. Everything else is simply the work that must be done to recover the marriage.

 

 

2. Should a person change who they are in order to keep a loveless M together?

I think keeping a loveless marriage together is a mistake. I also think a person attempting to change who they are is impossible. Someone might change for awhile, but you are who you are, and whoever you are will come out in the end.

 

But I think you are implying that because there was infidelity that it must be a loveless marriage. I also think you are assuming that recovering a marriage involves changing who you are. The first is not necessarily true, the second should never be true.

Edited February 28, 2011 by silktricks

[OWoman]

Unlike you I read topics just fine at first sight and you make infidelity seem as if it's so legit when you say it's not just about booty. It's nothing but lust and selfishness for another person outside the relationship/marriage.

 

Since that is so very clearly incorrect, it raises questions over the credibility of the rest of your assertions.

[phillyfan]

I xMM told me he found it all pathetic, down to the pitcher of milk she left next to his cereal bowl each morning after D-day. She never served him breakfast before.

 

OMFG. He f**ks anotha woman, and she forgivs him, treats him special - it takes a special woman to do that - an and he starts talkin smack about her to the mistress & is runnin round callin her pathetic? What a f**kin DOG. Man.

[OWoman]

OMFG. He f**ks anotha woman, and she forgivs him, treats him special - it takes a special woman to do that

 

I've never heard of doormats referred to as "special women" before. Maybe they should change the label at Homebase

[whichwayisup]

xMM told me he found it all pathetic, down to the pitcher of milk she left next to his cereal bowl each morning after D-day. She never served him breakfast before.

 

And he ate his cereal anyway?

 

Reminds me of that movie with Julia Roberts and what's his name (LOL sorry), she tries to poison him (or was it serving him something he's allergic to) after finding out he cheated on her... Why can't I remember his name..He was married to Meg Ryan..

[OWoman]

And he ate his cereal anyway?

 

Reminds me of that movie with Julia Roberts and what's his name (LOL sorry), she tries to poison him (or was it serving him something he's allergic to) after finding out he cheated on her... Why can't I remember his name.

 

Maybe someone slipped something into your cereal..? :p

[whichwayisup]

Maybe someone slipped something into your cereal..? :p

 

yeah, turning 40!

 

Dennis Quaid

 

Thank-you! That's him.