Egychick Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Here is the deal. I'm flattered that I have a few guy friends who are starting to develop deeper feelings for me. But the problem is...they expect things that I am not willing to give. They move faster than I am willing to go. For example..the latest crush: He and I have been friends for 3 years. All of a sudden he tells me, he is in love with me. I kind of liked him too, but not as much as he liked me I guess. So he and I started to just try to see if things would work out between us. I made it clear from the beginning, I am not going to have sex with him. He understood that and agreed. He even said, no matter what he would always be there for me, and how special I am, and I'm heaven sent and blah blah blah. I don't open up easily, but I gave it a try. Now, he is ignoring me, cause he decided to ask 1 more time for it...and feels rejected. I feel whatever friendship we had is messed up, cause he has feelings for me, and anything we might have had as a couple...won't work out. Ok, my question...that was just one example. So many guys who like me, at the end of the day, pressure me to sleep with them, and act like they care. I turn them down, cause I just don't want to give up myself if I don't feel they will be with me in the long term. Am I being too cold? Should I loosen up a bit? All this pressure makes me close down even more. And in the process, I lose people who I've been friends with. What should I do? Edited February 21, 2011 by Egychick Link to post Share on other sites
Avaa Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Here is the deal. I'm flattered that I have a few guy friends who are starting to develop deeper feelings for me. But the problem is...they expect things that I am not willing to give. They move faster than I am willing to go. For example..the latest crush: He and I have been friends for 3 years. All of a sudden he tells me, he is in love with me. I kind of liked him too, but not as much as he liked me I guess. So he and I started to just try to see if things would work out between us. I made it clear from the beginning, I am not going to have sex with him. He understood that and agreed. He even said, no matter what he would always be there for me, and how special I am, and I'm heaven sent and blah blah blah. I don't open up easily, but I gave it a try. Now, he is ignoring me, cause he decided to ask 1 more time for it...and feels rejected. I feel whatever friendship we had is messed up, cause he has feelings for me, and anything we might have had as a couple...won't work out. Ok, my question...that was just one example. So many guys who like me, at the end of the day, pressure me to sleep with them, and act like they care. I turn them down, cause I just don't want to give up myself if I don't feel they will be with me in the long term. Am I being too cold? Should I loosen up a bit? All this pressure makes me close down even more. And in the process, I lose people who I've been friends with. What should I do? Are you losing guy friends because you won't have sex with them? Because if that is true then it is their lost but it also shows that their desires(lust) is more important than you as a person. And if they can't respect the fact you don't want to sleep with them then why should you respect them period? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Cut them loose. Friends are not supposed to date each other. And you should draw a good clear line on dating your friends and dating people you're acquainted with. Seriously, don't play dumb. Being in a relationship with someone means there will be sexual implications-. if you are aware you can't be sexual with them, chances are you shouldn't be dating them to begin with Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Here is the deal. I'm flattered that I have a few guy friends who are starting to develop deeper feelings for me. But the problem is...they expect things that I am not willing to give. They move faster than I am willing to go. For example..the latest crush: He and I have been friends for 3 years. All of a sudden he tells me, he is in love with me. I kind of liked him too, but not as much as he liked me I guess. So he and I started to just try to see if things would work out between us. I made it clear from the beginning, I am not going to have sex with him. He understood that and agreed. He even said, no matter what he would always be there for me, and how special I am, and I'm heaven sent and blah blah blah. I don't open up easily, but I gave it a try. Now, he is ignoring me, cause he decided to ask 1 more time for it...and feels rejected. I feel whatever friendship we had is messed up, cause he has feelings for me, and anything we might have had as a couple...won't work out. Ok, my question...that was just one example. So many guys who like me, at the end of the day, pressure me to sleep with them, and act like they care. I turn them down, cause I just don't want to give up myself if I don't feel they will be with me in the long term. Am I being too cold? Should I loosen up a bit? All this pressure makes me close down even more. And in the process, I lose people who I've been friends with. What should I do? It sounds to me more like your friends are trying to take advantage of the comadre and get into your pants. The way they are treating you is the farthest thing from love I have ever seen, and frankly while I am relieved you have not given into their advances when their motives are so transparent, I worry for you if you are naive enough to think these guys are falling in love with you and thats why they are being this way. I know first hand how guys will try and take advantage of the fact you trust them and try to convince you of some genuine interest when they are more than likely just trying to get sex out of you. A friend who really WAS in love with you, would not be treating you the way you are getting treated. Link to post Share on other sites
Avaa Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 It sounds to me more like your friends are trying to take advantage of the comadre and get into your pants. The way they are treating you is the farthest thing from love I have ever seen, and frankly while I am relieved you have not given into their advances when their motives are so transparent, I worry for you if you are naive enough to think these guys are falling in love with you and thats why they are being this way. I know first hand how guys will try and take advantage of the fact you trust them and try to convince you of some genuine interest when they are more than likely just trying to get sex out of you. A friend who really WAS in love with you, would not be treating you the way you are getting treated. I agree spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ricl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 How long have you been dating? I assume it's only a short time. If that's the case, he's just a butthurt *******, not worthy of a bother. However, sex will always remain important in a relationship. Are you sure they are pressuring you to have sex or are just hoping to make that step with you? If they're pressuring you they're not really friends. But perhaps you simply feel pressured quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
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