Hot and Cold

[Mensha]

I just can't get a good reading on this friend of mine. For awhile I feel like she is interested and the next, she seems so distant. Its kinda a jumble of stuff that has lead to this, so i thought to get some pointers from some fresh minds.

 

I just graduated college, but about 6 months ago, i met this girl named Kayla through my buddy and his girlfriend. We all went to college together and these two girls are townies and have a past with many other people in this college town. So in other words, a lot of people they still hang out with are high school friends. Me and my buddy are not from this college town. Most weekends me and my buddy hang out with his girlfriend (Alece) and Kayla. It usually is at the bars though.

 

So back up 6 months ago when we first met. In the beginning we did hang out on our own, but at this time, she was still in a relationship with her high school boyfriend. Alece told me, all the time, that Kayla wasn't happy in this relationship and I guess the college years made her realize all the probabilities. So everything seemed awesome. we laughed and talked about so much. Shes extremely intellectual and we had some amazing conversations.

 

Unfortunately, alcohol got involved and I put the moves on her one night and made things extremely awkward. I didn't talk to her for a couple weeks because i was so embarrassed. As the weeks progress, another girl comes along and is single. She was just as cool, plus single. I just felt it wasn't worth waiting for her to get over her high school sweetheart.

 

Of coarse just as im starting to date this girl, Kayla breaks it off with her boyfriend. It was probably best to give her time anyway. So things go back to normal and even better. Now that I was dating, she didn't feel uncomfortable around me after my last move. We got to hanging out and talking like old times. Not that it matters, but you can guess that the other girl and me didn't work out. I have now been single for 3 months.

 

After I feel ready to start looking again, i start thinking about Kayla again and hang out with her and Alece and my buddy. Problem is she just stopped acting friendly or flirty towards me like last summer. When we were all at the bars, she went and made out with an old h/s friend of hers. Old friends were trying to hook her up and stuff. It got us into a few of fights and made things awkward again.

 

Just recently, she contacts me on facebook. We were catching up ect. and she starts asking me what i'm doing now that I graduated. I tell her i might be leaving town soon. She wont be graduating for another year. She tells me that she really doesn't want me to leave. Then a couple days later, she tells me how she realizes, hanging out with her high school friends all these years has brought her down and thinks that hanging out with her college friends would just make her happier. She asked me to go get a coffee with her some evening, and I said that wold be nice.

 

The problem is its been about a week and a half now, and i haven't done anything. And my buddy tells me that last weekend she was hanging out with a guy friend out of town. I didn't want to move too fast and make her more antsy to see me because i was so straight forward back in the day. I'm not good at playing the "mind games" and made it quite obvious i liked here back then. So i thought why not play the game with her now.

 

She confuses the hell out of me. Its just been up and down all this time. Honestly i don't know why i'm still thinking about her. For some reason I care a lot about her. Alece has told me that Kayla has had it rough a couple of years and just isn't very happy in general. But the way we use to talk, I understand her and really want to help her feel happy again, but I just can't seem to get in. I want to ask her out on a date so bad, but after all the drama that we have been through together, I just can't get myself to do anything.

 

Is there any chance left with this girl? Should i finally just ask her out, or let it alone?

Edited February 21, 2011 by Mensha

[NoMagicBullet]

Sounds like you're the one running hot & cold.

 

Back in the past, you put the moves on her, then ignored her, then started dating another girl. Personally, if a guy did this to me, I'd think all he wanted was sex and that he's not all that interested. (After all, if he was interested in me and not just for lust, he'd ask me out.)

 

Now to more recent events... she tells you that she doesn't want you to move away and asks you to meet her sometime for coffee. You say "that would be nice" and never make plans to do so. That was a pretty clear invitiation on her part, so your silence on the topic -- for a week and a half -- looks like you're not interested. So of course she spent time with someone else this weekend; you won't even call her to meet for coffee!

 

If you want something with this girl, you need step up and ask her out. Be clear that it's a date and not just friends hanging hanging out, because after your previous actions -- or inaction -- it seems like you're uninterested or uncertain where she is concerned.

[Mensha]

Thank for the brutal honesty. Im a real pussy when it comes to asking girls out. And When it comes to this girl, im an even bigger one. I usually ruin my chances of getting the awesome girls because i just don't have the balls to keep pursuing them. Mainly because, in the past, when i do pursue them, I go overboard and scare them away. I just can't find the balance here. I have to call her now for sure. If I dont get an answer from her, should I try calling back? Maybe a couple times? Or does that come off as stalker-ish?

Edited February 24, 2011 by Mensha