LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Where did I say that he would be cheating? I said he would be looking at porn, so that he wouldn't be cheating! Porn = not cheating Anyway, this fetish I'm talking about...well, let's just say that it's considered one of the weirder fetishes out there, and most people won't understand. If he hid it, that would mean that he wouldn't be comfortable sharing it. He would just go online, jack off to a few images/stories/videos, and then close the window. As I do when I engage in the fetish. And also, if he's more concerned with the fantasy of the fetish, rather than having real life sex with his wife, there's a problem. However, having real life sex, and then engaging in the fetish on top of that, shouldn't be a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Where did I say that he would be cheating? I said he would be looking at porn, so that he wouldn't be cheating! Porn = not cheating What I'm reading from your posts is that he would be looking at porn so that he wouldn't cheat. Meaning if he didn't have that porn and his partner didn't indulge in the kink, he would go out and cheat to get it. My point is if it's that important to him that he would cheat to get it if he didn't have porn, then he'd be better off with someone who enjoys the same kink. If he hid it, that would mean that he wouldn't be comfortable sharing it. He would just go online, jack off to a few images/stories/videos, and then close the window. As I do when I engage in the fetish. I personally think it'd be a little unhealthy (or a lot, depending on the individual) to have to hide an important part of your sexuality for your entire life. Maybe I'm odd, but I can't imagine holding a secret like that and then feeling fulfilled and happy in my relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 What I'm reading from your posts is that he would be looking at porn so that he wouldn't cheat. Meaning if he didn't have that porn and his partner didn't indulge in the kink, he would go out and cheat to get it. My point is if it's that important to him that he would cheat to get it if he didn't have porn, then he'd be better off with someone who enjoys the same kink. No. First of all, the porn is based on fantasy roleplay, which means that you can't "cheat" with the acts. It's something that you could roleplay with your wife, but as far as doing it in real life, you can't. The porn itself isn't illegal, but the acts (if carried out in RL) are. The porn is completely legal, all 18 and over, so it's nothing like that. But unless you have a very understanding wife, who's willing to roleplay your fantasies (and it's not like regular sex, some of it doesn't even involve sex as most people know it), you're better off jacking off to virtual images. People on this forum create digital manipulations, of their wives/girlfriends, in the fantasy. Their wives/girlfriends know about it. That's as close as they can get to fulfilling the fantasy. If you only knew what this fetish was (and I'm not going to reveal it, because there are a lot of judgmental people out there), you wouldn't be saying all this stuff. Because it's stupid to consider, considering the fetish involved. I personally think it'd be a little unhealthy (or a lot, depending on the individual) to have to hide an important part of your sexuality for your entire life. Maybe I'm odd, but I can't imagine holding a secret like that and then feeling fulfilled and happy in my relationship. It is fine to hide it, because most people would not understand. If I had the choice of being in a happy relationship, and also hiding my "weird porn", I would do it. It's better than revealing it, and having her leave me. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Nevermind, I won't talk about this anymore. It's clear nobody from this forum would understand. Link to post Share on other sites
starryeyed12 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Nevermind, I won't talk about this anymore. It's clear nobody from this forum would understand. Wow, this just got personal, huh? I mean I had a hinkeling it was since you are asking all these "hypothetical" questions in the Addiction and Recovery forum, which are getting more and more off topic as we speak. FYI, this arguement is frowned upon on LS, and next time if you want to change the discussion of the OP then you can create your own thread. I am partially to blame myself. You asked the questions here and you are getting people's answers. NOT everyone SHARES your view. Take away from it what you want, but you aint gonna change anyone's mind here. Hiding things from a SO is unfair and not right. If you have a fetish that you are so embarassed or ashamed of that you can't name it on an anonymous forum, take that as a sign that you need to do some internal reflection on yourself and why it is that: A. you have this fetish B. you are willing to defend it and even lie for it, but not openly come out and admit to it. Please find a partner that you are willing to be open and honest with because chances are she will eventually find out and that could spell devistation for you and for her depending on how "vanilla" she is. Don't be afraid and hide who you are, or else ask yourself why you are afraid to be who you are. There's a lot of freaks out there! Lol I am done arguing and I apologize to the OP. Edited March 13, 2011 by starryeyed12 Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Wow, this just got personal, huh? I mean I had a hinkeling it was since you are asking all these "hypothetical" questions in the Addiction and Recovery forum, which are getting more and more off topic as we speak. FYI, this arguement is frowned upon on LS, and next time if you want to change the discussion of the OP then you can create your own thread. I am partially to blame myself. Fair enough. I'm dropping it. Edited March 13, 2011 by LeaningIntoTheMuse Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Getting back on topic: So far so good, but this is just the beginning. We have the rules in place, and have even gone as far as taking the laptop with me if he is stressed that day. The stress seems to be a trigger for him. I want to do everything in my power to assist him in refraining from porn, but i know it's all up to him. I would be hesitant to enforce rules, because you don't want to come off as controlling. However, this next part makes me believe that it might be for the best: Today he said he had a nightmare about porn. He said he was watching it, but was freaking out because he was sure I was going to find out (which i eventually do) and leave him for good. Woke up in a cold sweat. I'm taking it as a good sign that now he's turning it into something to avoid. I have never had a nightmare about porn, and every single sexual dream I wake up from, I feel exhilarated and happy. This, in itself, makes me believe there IS something wrong with him. If he's having nightmares about whacking off, then obviously he's got some issues that need to be worked out. I disagree with what I wrote before (before, I wasn't listening, and only writing from my perspective), he IS a porn addict. This obsession isn't healthy. when my friend asked me why i was so angry, i tried to explain it as a man who got caught cheating while 'staying late at work', then staying late again under suspicious circumstances. I'd be very careful. Porn isn't cheating, in any sense of the word. But his obsession with porn is unhealthy, and I'd compare it to a drug addict. He's addicted to computer naked images, not weed, but it still is the same thing. And he needs to go to therapy, and you need to monitor his obsession for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
sniffys Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 hey op i hope ur husband comes back to his senses soon, i mean if his porn addiction is tearing your marriage he should definitely set his priorities straight. i have a question tho, does it bother you that he watches porn, because u think its gross or immoral, or because he doesnt want to have sex? i havent actually had a bf who was addicted to porn, although most of them had the normal porn video here and there but i never heard them beat off when we could have sex instead. my current bf told me he beat off to magazines back when he was deployed in the middle east i think. Link to post Share on other sites
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