Els Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Started classes today... and I swear I have not even made a single acquaintance from any of the classes I take. Ironically, during the past couple days of orientation, I made several, but they were all from different departments. At least that helps reassure me that it isn't entirely my problem. I have tried initiating conversation with asking if I can sit somewhere nearby, or something related to coursework, but it always earns me brief answers, and then they go back to talking with their friends or checking their phones or whatever. Nobody is introducing themselves to anyone else, so I feel really weird going up to someone and doing that. I can think of a few possible reasons, although I'm not sure which one it is: 1. I'm going straight into advanced classes. Most of the people here grew up from year 1 together, so everyone already has friends/groups. 2. I'm the only Asian woman in a sea of males, and a few Caucasian women (it's a male-dominated course). Now, one would have thought that that would make it easier, but I thought wrong, apparently. The Caucasian males ignore me entirely - do they think I can't speak English? Or have they been brainwashed by the ideology of not even wanting to make friends with women they're not attracted to? I don't think it's the latter though, since a very attractive woman that I saw in the course doesn't have many guys talking to her either. And I'm not really so ugly that looking at me puts people off. The few Asian males huddle in groups speaking their mother tongues, which I ironically cannot speak. 3. Us geeks (geeky course) just suck at socializing. Including myself. Maybe they feel shy around me? I really don't know what to do. Orientation was relatively easy when a group of girls came and picked me up. I had no trouble relating to (English-speaking Asian) guys in my homeland before I came here, due to my male-oriented hobbies, but it seems these ones won't even give me a chance, based on my misrepresented appearance of being something 'unusual' in the class. But I'm thinking more of #3, as well, because I've conversed a little with other Caucasian guys on campus, just that they weren't from my department. Edited February 21, 2011 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
Questionis Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I guess being in the minority is making you feel isolated. Sometimes you can't always make friends everywhere you go. keep a look out, you will spot someone interested in the same things as you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 OP, hope classes went well today. If you could, if you are reading, let us know you're OK, as I'm aware a substantial and fatal earthquake has occurred in your part of the world a few hours ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I was thinking the same thing, I hope you and everyone you know are ok Elswyth. As for the thread, it was your first day of classes, chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Except for a few minor wounds, I am fine. Very touched that you guys thought about me! <3 Re: the topic, I should probably chill, except that I've been to lots of places before (new school, new college, etc) and always made at least a couple of acquaintances on Day 1, so it didn't seem like a very good omen for me. Today went by much the same, except I'm so glad that bf and I are both alive and well, that it doesn't even bother me anymore. Edited February 22, 2011 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hey, thanks for checking in! Happy to read you and BF are OK. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Except for a few minor wounds, I am fine. Very touched that you guys thought about me! <3 Re: the topic, I should probably chill, except that I've been to lots of places before (new school, new college, etc) and always made at least a couple of acquaintances on Day 1, so it didn't seem like a very good omen for me. Today went by much the same, except I'm so glad that bf and I are both alive and well, that it doesn't even bother me anymore. Phew thank goodness E, I have just logged in to see if you were OK. All my thoughts with you and if you need anything, PM me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks so much, guys. We're doing good here, sb - house is perfectly fine, in fact, and we still have about 5 kg of rice left if worst comes to worst. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Wow, you guys are lucky. Some friends of mine are OK but their house isn't- the liquefaction has totally ruined it. They have a baby and a toddler, it must be terrible for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I agree! Especially those who are sick or with small kids, who don't have access to water and power... One of the hospitals has been out of water for a while, and that must be horrible for the patients. I am really, really, really glad we chose this house instead of the one we almost took in the CBD (they told us it had been certified okay by the EQC, but I'm not betting my life on that...) Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Glad you are ok Elswyth! I've never fitted into groups of people, and never wanted to fit in as such, but wanted to be able to make friends, have always found it hard as I'm shy and unconventional Over the years, bit by bit I've made some close friends, seem to find it easier the older I've got, I got to the point I stopped worrying about making friends or looking for new friends and then it seemed to happen, and now I find it hard to have time to see them all, which is a nice place to be, and unusual for me! I know though if I were to go to college I would find it very hard to make friends, I've experienced a lot of situations where people seem to have enough friends already and I felt was the only one interested in making more friends. So I empathise with your situation. Sorry I'm not being helpful! I just wanted to say I know what it's like. Are there groups there after classes related to hobbies, dancing etc? Might be an idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks, HOH. Sadly, no, there aren't any groups related to my hobbies here. There were back where I came from, but not here. Well there is sort of ONE, the computer society does gaming a little, but that's quite likely to be populated by the EXACT same people I have in my class, and I couldn't even find their advertisements on Clubs Day, so... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Sb, I hope your friends are finding all the support they need. Els, glad you're ok and thoughts on the op. I've been to different departments and find each have their "culture". In my last one, nobody was really into the business of "bonding" with classmates in the first few days of school. It was just generally assumed that everyone lead busy lives outside of school. I know the lack of camaraderie surprised me at first, as I was new in town and hoping to make friends through school. Eventually, I got to know a few colleagues through the general implications of attending the same school. I'm also pretty good at small talk, so while I wouldn't "formerly" introduce myself, I would chat up my neighbors. (I usually chose to sit next to the people I thought might be interesting and/or approachable). Eventually, I made a few friends in my department. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks, K. I don't even mean hanging out outside of school, I don't have a need for that, really. I just mean, well, being on friendly terms while in class together! Saying 'Hello', being acquaintances. I am naturally extremely introverted, so it took me a helluva lot of courage to start the conversation each time, and it's well beyond my capability to continue after being rebuffed with a one-word answer and no extra conversation on their part. I'm not even sure I want to. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Hey E- sorry to t/j, but we are catching up with some friends today who have come from christchurch. They are fine but their house and lots of their possessions have been ruined. We are taking them dinner tonight and I wanted to take them something else like a gift but I can't think of anything off the top of my head that isn't too frivolous or food. They are moving on in a few days so it needs to be transportable. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) Hey E- sorry to t/j, but we are catching up with some friends today who have come from christchurch. They are fine but their house and lots of their possessions have been ruined. We are taking them dinner tonight and I wanted to take them something else like a gift but I can't think of anything off the top of my head that isn't too frivolous or food. They are moving on in a few days so it needs to be transportable. Any ideas? Water bottles! If they're coming back here, that is. Damn supermarkets limit you to 2 at a time. Seriously, I have no other ideas. Sorry. Guys do not want girls as friends, what purpose does it serve? Stop analyzing, that might of served you well in your studies but with people you need to tell your cognitive brain to shut up. Asking about the class? Man if you're a hot asian girl just ask to go study with a group of guys. How hard is that? It sounds like you're looking for a boyfriend though and not guy friends, what girl wants to be considered one of the guys? Do you want that? For all the guys to see you as a boy and not sexually appealing? Doesn't sound fun to me, so stop trying to make friends with the guys, and just go study with them and joke around. Dude. I already have a bf. Not looking for guy friends in particular, but it's not exactly my fault 95% of my course are guys. So it's either hang with the guys, or be alone. And I've had plenty of guy friends before, so I'm not too convinced by your rather confident conclusions. And yes, it suits me fine to be seen as one of the guys. Bf satisfies all my sexy needs, and that's plenty enough for me. Edited February 25, 2011 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Hey, thanks E. We took wine and food. And our sparkling personalities of course! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) Great to hear that, sb. If you could, I would love to hear your thoughts on my OP when you have time, as well. Is there something about NZ youth that I'm just not getting, perhaps? Truth be told I haven't seen many Asians fitting in with NZ youth around here, it's mostly pretty cliquish. Or maybe it's just in South Island? I guess I'm a little disappointed because I was rather excited to be meeting fellow computer geeks in this course, as opposed to the majority of crazy, kiasu 'I-studied-10-hours-yesterday-how-about-you?' Chinese-educated kids that populated my previous course back in my homeland (and even in that one I had a couple of acquaintances). It's hard feeling like a misfit everywhere you go. I think mentally I'm more on par with the geeky Caucasian computer whizzes in my current course, but the first impressions of race, gender etc are probably harder to breach than I thought. Edited February 25, 2011 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
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