What's the deal?

[Medgirl]

I have issues about my boyfriend cheating on me as well, but I have come to found that a lot of it is built on my insecurity. He hangs out with his friends ALL THE TIME. And I never understood how he could hang out with friends that long! We're talking 7 hours a day or more here! I used to think he was seeing this girl named Chantelle but never stooped so low as to driving by her house when he said he was going over to his friends. Well for a while he quit going over to his friends all the time, then just recently he picked up on it again. Coincedentaly Chantelle broke up with her husband again. So one day when he'd usually call he didn't so I drove by Chantelle's and he wasn't there. All that worrying was wasted. So I quit worrying about him cheating on me but I had this nightmare this morning that I called his house and his mom and dad told me he was seeing some girl behinde my back. She even had a name! Her name was Cheyenne. I don't know why I had this dream since lately I've realized that the only reason I worry about him cheating on me so much is because it's my worst fear, and I feel like I'm not good enough for him. He has told me numerous times he'd never cheat on me, and he has never cheated on any of his girlfriends in the past. Yet I still continue to come up with these scenarios where he is cheating on me. However I finally asked him WHY he won't ever take me over to his friend's. He told me it's because he doesn't want me to be around that crowd. He said I have too much to lose. Other than hanging out with his friends all the time nothing has really changed in his habits. He doesn't want anything very new in bed. Our relationship is really weird. We probably should have broken up several times. We don't fight much but when we do it's really bad. Whenever I try to confront him about things, like how I feel bad when I don't know where he is all day and I can get ahold of him, he flips out on me. I finally told him that I'm afraid of him and I'm afraid to tell him things because he always flips out on me. He also told me that the amount of problems we've had in just these 6mo we've been together, he had over his entire 8 years he was with his ex. Then he proceded to tell me that I should find someone better because I'm so perfect and I'm in a much higher class than he is (which is bull). AND we both agreed that we don't see eye to eye. Yet he still wants to be with me, and I'm basically the deciding factor on whether or not we stay together. I could go on forever about our relationtionship but the bottom line is: I don't get it, why do we torture ourselves (or why do I torture myself)?

[nikkilove]

You're a pretty girl, maybe do some soul searching or even get some counseling as to why you are so insecure. I felt this way in a relationship once, but it's not about the guy, it's about feeling better about yourself so you are confident and secure in relationships and stay away from relationships that aren't good for you. Best of luck

[Medgirl]

Thank you for your reply Nikki. I've been doing some things that should make me not so insecure lately like dressing more feminine, doing more volunteer work, working more hours, and getting involved in some undergraduate research again. So hopefully keeping busy will make me feel better.

[bittersweet]

I love when guys do the whole reverse psychology thing on their g/f. My b/f used the same excuse too. After 6 yrs. he wants to say I'm too good for him. I'm 25, go to college, have a full-time job, have good morals and he comes from a rough background. So, he decided to cheat on me with a 20 year old stripper that has major problems. It crushed me!

 

Its nice to hear that you seem like a very strong person and you already know what to do. Don't let his stupid, ignorant mistake get the best of you.

[bethbeatrice]

Men are very confusing. It is sad that he has put you in the position to make the decisions since relationships are based on a common balance. Do you love this man? It doesn't seem to make sense that he doesn't want you to meet his friends. He may not be unloyal and it is possible that he has never cheated on you. However, it does seem like he isn't being totally honest with you. I wish you the best. If you are in love with him, try to work it out, but if you are not, I would move on.

 

I was told a saying by a priest a long time ago that really makes sense.... "You must love people the way they need to be loved not the way you want to love them." Good luck, I wish you the best.