Are short term relationship break ups worse then long term breakups

[Mixed28]

Originally Posted by Spinderella

In most relationships the first few months are when you begin to fall for someone and chemicals kick in and make you think this person is amazing in every way. A little further down the line you start to see them in a more realistic light, and decide whether you want to stick it out as a serious relationship. If someone broke up with you before you ever got to the reality kicking in stage, then I guess youre still going to be seeing them as a perfect fantasy. Mostly

[ayjt80]

for me the ones that last 1-3 months and there is a breakup is the most painfull. So I agree

[flow15]

I agree in the sense that it is so painful when you've just fallen in love and then you lose them. But I don't think you can compare a relationship that lasts at least a year, or even 5 years or 10 years to a relationship of 3 months.

 

Even though you've seen this person in the real light, you have spent so long with this person and invested so much of your time and emotion, I think that is what hurts most. Every relationship is different, but if you were in love with someone after 3 months, and also in love with someone after 8 years... the 8 year relationship will probably hurt more as it will most probably take a lot longer to recover from!

[Mixed28]

I agree in the sense that it is so painful when you've just fallen in love and then you lose them. But I don't think you can compare a relationship that lasts at least a year, or even 5 years or 10 years to a relationship of 3 months.

 

Even though you've seen this person in the real light, you have spent so long with this person and invested so much of your time and emotion, I think that is what hurts most. Every relationship is different, but if you were in love with someone after 3 months, and also in love with someone after 8 years... the 8 year relationship will probably hurt more as it will most probably take a lot longer to recover from!

 

I can't even imagine an 8 year relationship ending that would suck beyond words. Hell a 4 year relationship ending would suck. I would need some therapy. I would say though a 8 month relationship ending may hurt less than say a 2-4 month relationship ending its weird.

[depplover_1980]

Well I have had a 5 month, 2 year and 7 year and they all hurt intensely for the first couple of weeks. The 2 year hurt the most however due to the nature of the split - took me a year to get right.

 

However 4 years after my 7 year split I still love him and always will.

[Mixed28]

Well I have had a 5 month, 2 year and 7 year and they all hurt intensely for the first couple of weeks. The 2 year hurt the most however due to the nature of the split - took me a year to get right.

 

However 4 years after my 7 year split I still love him and always will.

 

Wow 7 years that would be tough did he break up with you? Although I was with the girl for 2 months I just hope she is happy.

[flow15]

I can't even imagine an 8 year relationship ending that would suck beyond words. Hell a 4 year relationship ending would suck. I would need some therapy. I would say though a 8 month relationship ending may hurt less than say a 2-4 month relationship ending its weird.

 

To be honest I think it just depends. On the person, on what the relationship was like, etc..

 

After my longest relationship (3 years) I got over it within a month or less I can't really remember now, I wasn't that upset because I had fallen out of love with the guy probably 2 years before it ended, I loved him though don't get me wrong just wasn't in love.

My most recent relationship lasted 7 months (or 1 1/2 years on and off) and I'm more hurt because I was in love when it ended, and this relationship was soo much more amazing than my first one.

[depplover_1980]

Well I have had a 5 month, 2 year and 7 year and they all hurt intensely for the first couple of weeks. The 2 year hurt the most however due to the nature of the split - took me a year to get right.

 

However 4 years after my 7 year split I still love him and always will.

 

We were young and wreckless together - the rock and roll lifestyle did some damage ie drunk arguments. 6 years in he cheated at a party with some randon, told me and I tried to move on. During that year his mum got cancer and died and he ended it as he was a mess poor guy.

 

Upon reflection though the actual bond we had was so powerful and we were very lucky indeed. I've no bad feeling about it at all and was glad it happened and genuinely wish him well when he gets married this year. We had our time.

[Mixed28]

To be honest I think it just depends. On the person, on what the relationship was like, etc..

 

After my longest relationship (3 years) I got over it within a month or less I can't really remember now, I wasn't that upset because I had fallen out of love with the guy probably 2 years before it ended, I loved him though don't get me wrong just wasn't in love.

My most recent relationship lasted 7 months (or 1 1/2 years on and off) and I'm more hurt because I was in love when it ended, and this relationship was soo much more amazing than my first one.

 

That sucks I learned that you can only rely on yourself for happiness. No guarantee they will stick around.

[shocked_confused]

I've experienced both, and to me they were quite different from each other.

 

After my 2 month relationship, I was crushed for maybe a week or two, but I got over it really quickly. That was about 7 years ago and I still see him around from time to time and we always end up joking around about the past, so there's no hard feelings at all.

 

After my 5.5 year relationship however, I was upset, but my initial reaction was a lot calmer then my 2 month relationship breakup. HOWEVER, I'm still not completely over it. We broke up 3.5 months ago and i still find myself thinking about him. I don't ever get to the point where I start to cry, but I don't feel quite right either. Some days I don't care, but there's some days where I feel so much resentment toward him.

 

So to sum it all up, the short-term relationship break up hurt A LOT all at once, but I was able to get over it quickly. And the long-term break up didn't feel as intense, however the pain is still kind of here 3 months later.

[turokturok5]

i just came out of a 2 month relationship a few weeks ago and it still kinda hurts. was just begginning to fall in love with her and she dumps me out of the blue

[makelemonade1974]

Short term relationship breakups seem to hurt a lot, but you get over them pretty quickly. You remember the pain, but don't really care anymore after a while.

 

I was in a 9 year marriage and the breakup was bad in that he was a psycho afterwards - threatened to kill a male friend, etc. But I don't remember being broken up over missing him - it was more the empty space and the lifestyle change that freaked me out. I had grieved for the end of the relationship long before I actually had the guts to end it. I had to redefine my identity afterwards and that was tough. I can look back on it now and remember some of the good moments, which is nice.

 

I think long-term relationships of about 2-3 years are the worst. At least in my case. The love is new, but it is strong and developed. You really know the person intimately and have hopes for the future. Part of what hurts over a breakup is that your plans for the rest of your life with this person (if that's what you had expected) just explode.

 

I don't think there's any comparison with the short-term and long-term relationships. Short term= short pain. Long term=long pain.

[Mixed28]

i just came out of a 2 month relationship a few weeks ago and it still kinda hurts. was just begginning to fall in love with her and she dumps me out of the blue

 

Yeah bro it sucks was it your first relationship. Maybe you were too clingy I know I was.

[turokturok5]

Yeah bro it sucks was it your first relationship. Maybe you were too clingy I know I was.

 

was my second relationship and her first. My first ended after 8 months but it didnt hurt at all because it was mutual, we discussed it and said we just didnt click anymore. With my other girl it was only one sided, didnt really understand though, her friend told me her boyfriend was way more clingy than i was and i was never told by her that i was being too clingy...

[Mixed28]

was my second relationship and her first. My first ended after 8 months but it didnt hurt at all because it was mutual, we discussed it and said we just didnt click anymore. With my other girl it was only one sided, didnt really understand though, her friend told me her boyfriend was way more clingy than i was and i was never told by her that i was being too clingy...

 

Well you want a girl who is crazy about you not one who dumps youafter 2 months. I went throught the samething in November and know how it feels it will get better in time.

[Username37]

Both are equally painful, especially if it's a first love deal

 

The shorter ones, you just fell in love and all of a sudden, they leave you

 

The longer ones, you get to know the person, you have memories, you meet her family, you get close etc, and all of a sudden, they leave you

[Mixed28]

Both are equally painful, especially if it's a first love deal

 

The shorter ones, you just fell in love and all of a sudden, they leave you

 

The longer ones, you get to know the person, you have memories, you meet her family, you get close etc, and all of a sudden, they leave you

 

We have to rely on ourselves for our own happiness. Can't put it all on one person.

[snug.bunny]

I've experienced both (long term RL/short term RL), the one short term I had was much much harder to get over, it left me completely broken when it ended.

[Good Arms]

Surely a lot depends on the circumstances of the relationship, I don't think it's ever as simple as one is easier to get over than the other.

 

I've only one break-up (almost identical timeframes to Mixed28) and I'm still hurting like hell. The fact she was my first everything, and that I was very much in love when she rejected me, it's left me destroyed. I want to move on but I'm struggling.

 

I know losing a long term partner must be a more serious loss, and I really feel for people going through this, but I find it hard to imagine it's possible to get any worse than some of the emotional hell I've gone through, losing my first love after 2.5 months. When you've nothing to compare it to, a short relationship feels very serious and intense.

[Mixed28]

I know losing a long term partner must be a more serious loss, and I really feel for people going through this, but I find it hard to imagine it's possible to get any worse than some of the emotional hell I've gone through, losing my first love after 2.5 months. When you've nothing to compare it to, a short relationship feels very serious and intense.

 

Totally agree I can't imagine feeling any worse then what I went through I wasn't suicidal or anything; for like the first month 1.5 after the breakup I woke up hurt and went to bed hurt. I cried and I never cry. Its been 3 months now and I am still not 100% more like 95% healed. I only hurt when I see her in person.

[coltsfan1]

in my experience short term relationships hurt fast and hard for a short term, while long term relationships hurt slow and long.. both hurt while one lasts longer than the other.... I would much rather hurt fast and hard for a short time than have to change everything in order to heal.

 

Since my breakup I have had to let friends go, change my direction since I obviously wont be getting married on top of loosing the girl I love. Just my experience though.

[Mixed28]

I know losing a long term partner must be a more serious loss, and I really feel for people going through this, but I find it hard to imagine it's possible to get any worse than some of the emotional hell I've gone through, losing my first love after 2.5 months. When you've nothing to compare it to, a short relationship feels very serious and intense.

 

LOL this made me laugh out loud literraly because I feel the same way. I took it hard I handled the situation very well maintained NC and such but my God I went through complete hell complete utter hell and only my close friends and family knows how hard I took it. After I got dumped I did not feel like eating much at all I weighed 148 lbs when we were together then 2.5 weeks after our break up I weighed 133 lbs!!! And when she dumped me I cried and I never cry.

 

For about a month and a half after the break up I went to bed hurting and woke up hurting. I constantly dreamed about us being together. Even in sleep I could not escape her. Even now after 3 months of being broken up I am not 100% healed although I don't dream about her or go to bed hurt or wake up hurt anymore but when I see her in person it hurts a little especially when shes with her new guy who she got together with after 2 months of our breakup. But it has gotten better but man I like GoodArms can't imagine feeling any worse it was bad; never want to feel that way EVER again. I would not wish that feeling on my biggest enemy.

Edited February 24, 2011 by Mixed28

[Good Arms]

I'm glad you're feeling progress. You're right, the pain is so intense I wouldn't wish in on my worst enemy - in fact I wrote that myself somewhere else! I suppose I am feeling progress a little, but I'm still struggling to get up each day. It's in the mornings when it's always the strongest in my mind. Knowing she's in the building at work each day, and just waiting for the next time I catch sight of her, it means I'm always on edge.

 

I don't want to be friends, but I'd love to reach the point where I could see her, just smile or say hello and it wouldn't hurt. But I really don't think that could happen unless I was happily with someone else. Pathetic as it seems, I've learned my sense of self worth is based on knowing someone wants me... I know that was a big part in me being dumped.

 

All this unbelievable pain from such a short relationship... I guess for those of us who haven't had a history of relationships, the first love we experienced (however short it lasted) kind of fills in the blanks of the long period we missed out previously in our lives... for me a demoralising 12 years of real adulthood... more if you include the earlier teen years when most people seem to get their first girlfriends... so it gives the impression of it being very much serious, as important to us as a long term relationship, if you see what I mean.

 

In time maybe we'll be grateful that if it was destined to end, if the other person didn't truly want us, it was better that it ended sooner rather than later. I now really sympathise with everyone who's lost the person they love, whether it's a long term or short term relationship. Until I went through this, I really didn't have a clue...

[Graceful]

Mixed,

Just to give you another perspective, I originally came to the breakup boards a while back due to an 8-year breakup that was so horrible that I cried and was in pain for so long that I didn't think I would survive. I was betrayed, lied to, cheated on, and it was all very "stealth" because he was always nice to me, we didn't argue, and he managed to cheat for a very long time before I found out. Anyhow, it was brutal. It disrupted my entire life for a very long time.

 

BUT, I wanted to tell you that prior to that breakup, I had the most excruciating breakup a few years before from a relationship that was very short, less than three months. I met this guy at a New Year's eve party, and we hit it off and began to date right away. We laughed and had a fantastic time every time we went out, there was chemistry galore, we had lots to talk about, all he had to do was show up and I could not take the smile off my face, and neither could he. And then one day ... bam. He just disappeared on me. As though he just went up into thin air. One night we're laughing, hugging and having a great time, and the next he cut me out of his life?? I tried to contact him a couple of times, but when I couldn't reach him, I laid back (I did not chase him, was not on a breakup board like this, but instinctively went into NC because I just didn't know what else to do) -- then the pain came. I was so upset, so hurt, in so much pain that I could not even function. A total train wreck.

 

I really had just about fallen in love with this guy, was very attached and had been on the brink of thinking he was "the one" and felt we had a future. I was a total wreck, and for me, I didn't even think about the idea the relationship was so short, it was full and loving and fun and I thought we had become very close in a short period of time.

 

So I just wanted to let you know that despite the fact that I have lived through the breakup of a LTR, I have also experienced the most horrible pain and heartbreak from a short term relationship as well.

 

Every relationship is different, the circumstances are different, the people are different. Sometimes you just cannot compare what someone feels and the reasons why. First time love has to be taken into account to, at any age.

 

BTW, that guy that disappeared on me finally called me about 4 months later. I was still hurting, but slowly getting better. I did not think I would ever hear from him again, but then he called me out of the blue. He wanted to apologize and tell me what happened. I was not angry with him and was so elated to hear from him that I could hardly believe it. He said that he freaked out getting attached to me because he knew he was going to be moving in about 6 months after he graduated college to go to law school, and he didn't want to get attached to me because of the timing and the stress. He asked me if I wanted to see him one more time before he moved and I said sure. We went to a baseball game and had a fantastic time, and left off on good terms. Something I never expected. I missed him terribly, but felt resolved. I guess I was lucky in that respect. But the pain from the breakup of that short term relationship remains one of the most difficult periods I ever lived through nonetheless.

 

I took it hard I handled the situation very well maintained NC and such but my God I went through complete hell complete utter hell and only my close friends and family knows how hard I took it. After I got dumped I did not feel like eating much at all I weighed 148 lbs when we were together then 2.5 weeks after our break up I weighed 133 lbs!!! And when she dumped me I cried and I never cry.

Even now after 3 months of being broken up I am not 100% healed although I don't dream about her or go to bed hurt or wake up hurt anymore but when I see her in person it hurts a little especially when shes with her new guy who she got together with after 2 months of our breakup. But it has gotten better but man I like GoodArms can't imagine feeling any worse it was bad; never want to feel that way EVER again. I would not wish that feeling on my biggest enemy.

All I can say is that I hope you don't have to go through this again, too ... but no promises about that. The road to true love is not always paved with rainbows and happy endings, unfortunately. Gonna be a bumpy ride for some of us, so hang in there!