Are most cheaters sociopaths?

[confusedinkansas]

notagame - you seem to have tunnel vision right now. Understandably so.

 

You are at a point (I'm guessing) where no one elses opinion will matter. You are right! No one else is! Especially if they ever cheated!

I get that.

Maybe someday you'll see that the world is not 100% those that cheated will do it again. (& NO the desire is NOT there - not for me anyway & I'm guessing I'm not alone in this) Because you don't know what goes on in the mind of a cheater (not that you ever want to know) Before, during or after the affair. You really can't speak for those of us that have been there.

 

You probably don't want to hear this either but your wife is in a great deal of pain as well. (NO I'm not making excuses for her either) Remember.......You did love her at one point (I'm guessing) or you wouldn't have married her. Falling out of love & into hate in the blink of an eye....I don't get that.

 

2.50 gallon does have some very valid 'arguements' on the case as well.

[Stateandbroadway]

And cheaters rewrite marital history anyway so why should we even believe their whining in the first place. Making up things that never even happened.

 

 

SOME cheaters rewrite marital history. And some BS rewrite marital history. SOME cheaters are the sociopaths. And some BS are the sociopaths. SOME cheaters are complete Aholes. And some BS are complete Aholes.

Thankfully I started documenting many of the things I was experiencing and even went as far as (at the end) taping our conversations. I told him i was doing this. For some reason he didnt believe me. I did it so that he could actually here himself contracdicting himself from one moment to the next. When i tried to play it for him...he became enraged. Would not even listen to it.

Trying to have an AUTHENTIC conversation with someone when they lie and manipulate your words and their words in order to deflect from genuine communication is IMPOSSIBLE.

 

As I was going through my nervous breakdown, I spoke to my friends, actually I spoke to anyone with an ear because I was hurting so much. So in all the ways above my experience was documented. If I didnt do that he could possibly be running around saying I rewrote marital history having everyone thinking i was craaaaazy.

 

Whenever my husband and I are in therapy he will often rspeak about something that occured forgetting to include vital parts of the story that put it into context. I used to think that he did this on purpose, but now realize that he percieves things ONLY in a way that makes him feel comfortable, not as they occured. A slight emotional glitch.

 

So people who have had an affair are not neccesarily the ones who are rewriting history. It could very easily be the spouse.

[Distant78]

SOME cheaters rewrite marital history. And some BS rewrite marital history. SOME cheaters are the sociopaths. And some BS are the sociopaths. SOME cheaters are complete Aholes. And some BS are complete Aholes.

Thankfully I started documenting many of the things I was experiencing and even went as far as (at the end) taping our conversations. I told him i was doing this. For some reason he didnt believe me. I did it so that he could actually here himself contracdicting himself from one moment to the next. When i tried to play it for him...he became enraged. Would not even listen to it.

 

No, ALL cheaters rewrite marital history. Any cheater who cheats are complete booties who make BSs look like the evil ones.

 

So people who have had an affair are not neccesarily the ones who are rewriting history. It could very easily be the spouse.

 

The cheaters are the ones and only. They rewrite history to convince themselves to cheat. To make the BSs look like the Evil Twins.

[StoneCold]

Yes they can be part of the problem, but everybody is different,and each case is different,

 

To put it simply, everytime you make your wife laugh, her body produces and sends good chemicals to the brain, but every time you make her cry, it sends out bad chemicals to the brain.

 

But it is much more complicated than that, and there are just too many variables (needs not being met, communication, emotions, finances, etc.) to make it that simple.

 

Also their up bringing, what was their relationship with their parents like?

 

My best example is Prince Charles, he cheated on one of the most beautiful women in the world, and look what the prize was.

 

yeah...

 

People surprise themselves all the time and as I pointed out in another thread...becareful where you cast stones because you may end up casting them at yourself.

 

time changes people, people change people....it say what your opinions will be 5 yrs from now really is a crap shoot

[StoneCold]

Ok - I get it

You're pissed at your wife

You're pissed at the world

 

We'll just leave it at that. Too much anger for me to even comment on this time.

 

 

I'm finding many here have that opinion...I guess Loveshack is more of a venting ground where people can feel sorry for themselves rather than a discussion board.... no point even bothering with a discussion as they have tunnel vision (understandably).... thats why I'm stepping out of this one

Edited February 24, 2011 by StoneCold

[StoneCold]

Oh right, so someone who gets hurt should be happy.

 

yes actually they should...not happy because they got hurt but happy because they have a right to happiness like anybody else.

 

Get over it.....and find happiness for yourself...nobody else is going to do that for you

[StoneCold]

That made so much sense.

 

 

 

Oh right be up and happy all of a sudden. Whatever Stoney.

 

OK well ...wallow around in your sorrow and see how far that takes you

[Stateandbroadway]

No, ALL cheaters rewrite marital history. Any cheater who cheats are complete booties who make BSs look like the evil ones.

 

 

There a few nutjobs who think the Holocaust did not happen. And many of these nutjobs probably never cheated. What's their excuse for rewriting history?

 

Is every murderer that still claims innocense also a proven adulterer. Every single one. Must be, becasue they are rewriting history in order to presume their innocence.

 

Every liar in the world (because lieing of every kind is re-writing history) is also an adulterer. Since every human being in the course of their lives, presuming they live over the age of 10 will tell a lie (big or small) at some point. That means every single person in the world is an adulterer!!!!!!!

 

I think I finally get it.

 

Rewriting History=Cheater's Only

All Cheaters=Sociopaths

All Cheaters=Evil People

All BS=Saintly "good people"

All BS=Mentally sound, superior members of the human race

All Criminals=Also cheaters

 

 

This is very enlightening information. Thanks!

[Woggle]

Using another wrong to justify cheating is a classic tactic of blame shifting. We are talking about cheating and not anything else. There are plenty of bad people who were faithful and to be fair many great people who were unfaithful but it does not justify the act of cheating.

 

What Distant says is true about cheaters portraying the marriage in the worst possible light. As somebody who has been on the receiving end of that treatment I know it all too well.

[Distant78]

No, ALL cheaters rewrite marital history. Any cheater who cheats are complete booties who make BSs look like the evil ones.

 

 

There a few nutjobs who think the Holocaust did not happen. And many of these nutjobs probably never cheated. What's their excuse for rewriting history?

 

Is every murderer that still claims innocense also a proven adulterer. Every single one. Must be, becasue they are rewriting history in order to presume their innocence.

 

Every liar in the world (because lieing of every kind is re-writing history) is also an adulterer. Since every human being in the course of their lives, presuming they live over the age of 10 will tell a lie (big or small) at some point. That means every single person in the world is an adulterer!!!!!!!

 

I think I finally get it.

 

Rewriting History=Cheater's Only

All Cheaters=Sociopaths

All Cheaters=Evil People

All BS=Saintly "good people"

All BS=Mentally sound, superior members of the human race

All Criminals=Also cheaters

 

 

This is very enlightening information. Thanks!

 

Just like Woggle said, comparing cheating to the outside world is a classic blameshifting tactic. And I never said BSs were perfect.

 

Glad I could be of assistance!

 

 

 

 

 

P.S.

 

Criminals cheat too! Cheating people out of their lives!

[neveragain1]

Get over it

 

he doesn't have to get over a damn thing right now. he's in pain, probably all still very fresh. He will heal in due time.

 

but last thing he needs is being told to "get over it", especially from someone like you.

[Stateandbroadway]

Let me ask you all a question....

 

What is it that tells you that the "cheat"/"cheater" is the only "wrong" in a situation?

 

I hear alot of BS say that the WS is shifting blame. OK....I get this. i've also heard them say that cheater never take responsibility. Got it. But what i dont think i've heard is a BS say

 

-I was a ****ty husband/wife. I can understand why my spouse hates me and thinks i am horrible. He or she may be right. i may have participated in the total disintegration of my marriage. although i had enough sense not to cheat, I may be responsible or partially responsible for the utter disrespect, disengagement, loss of love, and disdain that allowed someone who once loved me, to not love me anymore." While i am not responsible for the cheating, I take my responsibility as a ****ty husband/ wife.... but my spouse should have left me....not cheated-

 

Why are all BS so moral, integrity filled and good. Surely some must DBags

and lack integrity. after all cheating is one way to lose integrity Have no BS committed other acts that if brought to light would make the seem unsavory and also not moral?

[Stateandbroadway]

So despite other issues you may have that may be positive about your marriage....you're going to wake up one day and say "see ya" because something is missing in your sex life ....and show up the next day (miraculously enough) in court and say... "yeah your honour....I'm leaving because I'm not getting enough sex"? (that'll be the look on the judge's face) ..... the divorce proceedings will be over in 16 minutes .... both sides happy with the terms the lawyers will say "hey dont worry about our fee...we work for free":eek::eek::eek: ("uh yeah hello mr devil...has hell frozen over?") and then off you go skipping down the road in search of penney whistles and moonpies?

 

This is hilarious. You forgot the part where the spouse who leaves..... takes the kids and marries thier new daddy/mommy. That's no biggie. It's always easy to see little danny hitting the old baseball around with mom's new and improved husband.

 

Or the part where you'll be working till your're 101 because your finances are raided and you're forced to eat cat food sandwiches.

 

Or the part where you're manic depressive spouse who's been holding you emotionall hostage offs himself/herself just as you feared.

 

Or the part where the 4 kids you have now have to eat government cheese sandwiches because without mommy and daddy's combined salaries, bologna is too much of an extravagance.

[bentnotbroken]

I hear alot of BS say that the WS is shifting blame. OK....I get this. i've also heard them say that cheater never take responsibility. Got it. But what i dont think i've heard is a BS say

 

-I was a ****ty husband/wife. I can understand why my spouse hates me and thinks i am horrible. He or she may be right. i may have participated in the total disintegration of my marriage. although i had enough sense not to cheat, I may be responsible or partially responsible for the utter disrespect, disengagement, loss of love, and disdain that allowed someone who once loved me, to not love me anymore." While i am not responsible for the cheating, I take my responsibility as a ****ty husband/ wife.... but my spouse should have left me....not cheated-

 

Why are all BS so moral, integrity filled and good. Surely some must DBags

and lack integrity. after all cheating is one way to lose integrity Have no BS committed other acts that if brought to light would make the seem unsavory and also not moral?

 

 

Before I responded to this I looked for a thread I started a while back. It was entitled(paraphrasing)what problems did you contribute to your marriage. It must have been more than a year or two ago, since I couldn't find it. But I have on more than one occasion, along with several other BS admitted to not being the perfect spouse(who could we since we are flesh and bone?). I admitted to giving as good as I gave emotionally and physically as far as abuse goes. I admitted to not knowing what was happening to me mentally and not seeking help for whatever the issue was. I didn't seek help for my angry outbursts and he caught more than one foot in the behind and ducked more than one frying pan. I used shopping as a way to feel the void...not good at all.

 

It was wrong and I was wrong. I don't deny anything I did and I own all my poor decisions and inability to see past my own pain. Now what? Did i bring a third party into our home, our children's beds, our marital bed? Did I go into another man's home and defile the home he worked hard to provide for his family? No. Mr. Messy was a community leader, a person who was presenting himself as someone to look up to....I hide in my home and stayed away from most people. I drank my alone in my pain and planned to die. He has faults, I have faults. My faults hurt him, me and our children. It is something that I will always regret and work the rest of my life to help my children heal.

 

I am not filled with good, far from it. But I not once sat and planned to lie to him about anything. I not once told him I was in one place when I was really somewhere else. I not once used my child to met another person's spouse. I have not once told him he was crazy when he asked me something. I have not once pretended that the things he saw and heard were figments of his imagination. I have not once lied to his face when asked a direct question. I have not once taken family assets and used them to buy another woman's spouse jewelry, take them on trips or pay their bills. I have not once been in another man's bed when his wife was at work or taking care of their children while visiting parents. So yes...I was a piss poor wife with mental issues, anger issues, and poor self image.

 

Now tell me again why I deserved to be cheated on or my children deserved to have their lives turned upside down. Why did OW ex or children deserve what was done to them? Oh by the way, Mr. Messy was a serial(as was ow) and I had no clue until the last affair. He even cheated while I was pregnant with our youngest. I felt the distance, asked what was wrong and he told me he wasn't sure he could be a good father to both kids:lmao:turns out, that ow wanted a baby too and he was trying to figure out how to break it off without getting her knocked up(no he never used condoms) So I had to be tested for something that not only I didn't do but I didn't consent to or know about.

 

Yes I do know what I am responsible for...more than you. And there are a lot of good people on here who have also stated they know what they contributed to the break down of their marriages. There are also some good people on here who were completely blind sided....that would include me. Why...I suspect it was because I did trust him and I have never been the jealous type. At one time in my life he had my whole heart and all my trust, even if he didn't have my respect at that way he treated me. When he no longer had my whole heart he still had my complete trust. When his dirt came to light that he didn't deserve my complete trust, love could never be enough to keep me bound to him.

[Stateandbroadway]

Sorry I'm not going to say that. I can't speak for all but I was a good husband and I STAND BY IT. In NO WAY will I EVER take responsibility for my wife converting to a skank. NO WAY.

 

 

 

 

Whatever, yo. Lay off of it and stop trying to blame the loyal spouses for staying true to themselves while their cheating spouses run off on their self-centered high-horse like they're in some fairy tale.

 

Yea, people who are betrayed are partially responsible for their spouse going off and having a kid with someone else.

 

i think you are missing y point. I dont know you're story. So I cant judge. Your ex wife may well be a skank. I am agreeing that the cheater should take responsibility for cheating and being a filithy whore. I really get this part. What I am saying is that somewhere there must be a BS who is the worthless ahole that compliments the skanky whore.

 

Just beacuse you were a good husband, does not mean everyone BS was. it's like in prison, where everyone is claiming that they are innocent. Someones gotta be guilty. everyone wasnt framed of what they are being accused of. I just think it's wierd that BS's dont understand why their spouse left, had an affair, hate them, don't love them anymore.

 

There must be one betrayed partner that got a big karmic slap in the face for being a horrible ****ty partner/person. Like the boyfriend in titanic. remember what a scumbag he was? I was rooting for Leo...not him. whether or not kate winslet was a skank isnt the question. she obviously was she cheated before properly leaving the guy. this dosnt mean the fiance didnt get what he deserved for being a complete pig. Why is it that BS only believe in Karma when it's going in the direction of the WS?

 

 

 

 

 

 

isnt it funny how BS's are always talming abouy how karma will catch ups to the cheater. whe it comes to bad things that happen to them, all of a sudden cuase and effect, karma whatever you want to call it dissaperears.

[Stateandbroadway]

Sorry for crazy typos. Writing on ipad and still getting used to it.

[Stateandbroadway]

Once again this is not directed at you. Im sorry that you were a good husband and were treated like crap. However, there are plenty of crappy husbands/wives who were further treated like crap. I'd like to hear one of them be as truthful as they wish their cheating spouses were and take responsibility for their actions and part in destroying the love and relationship. Just as they want the cheater to take responsiblity for the cheating.

Edited February 25, 2011 by Stateandbroadway

[StoneCold]

i think you are missing y point. I dont know you're story. So I cant judge. Your ex wife may well be a skank. I am agreeing that the cheater should take responsibility for cheating and being a filithy whore. I really get this part. What I am saying is that somewhere there must be a BS who is the worthless ahole that compliments the skanky whore.

 

Just beacuse you were a good husband, does not mean everyone BS was. it's like in prison, where everyone is claiming that they are innocent. Someones gotta be guilty. everyone wasnt framed of what they are being accused of. I just think it's wierd that BS's dont understand why their spouse left, had an affair, hate them, don't love them anymore.

 

There must be one betrayed partner that got a big karmic slap in the face for being a horrible ****ty partner/person. Like the boyfriend in titanic. remember what a scumbag he was? I was rooting for Leo...not him. whether or not kate winslet was a skank isnt the question. she obviously was she cheated before properly leaving the guy. this dosnt mean the fiance didnt get what he deserved for being a complete pig. Why is it that BS only believe in Karma when it's going in the direction of the WS?

 

 

 

 

 

 

isnt it funny how BS's are always talming abouy how karma will catch ups to the cheater. whe it comes to bad things that happen to them, all of a sudden cuase and effect, karma whatever you want to call it dissaperears.

 

 

Solid points state.... I've brought this up in other threads but many here refuse to see this. It always gets back to the cheating and nothing else. Perhaps they are too hurt to think straight...perhaps its denial...perhaps its a combination of the two.

 

The stones only go one way around here but I guess to expect more from a group like this would be a stretch.

[Distant78]

i think you are missing y point. I dont know you're story. So I cant judge. Your ex wife may well be a skank. I am agreeing that the cheater should take responsibility for cheating and being a filithy whore. I really get this part. What I am saying is that somewhere there must be a BS who is the worthless ahole that compliments the skanky whore.

 

Really, like who? Because all I see is you trying to find a reason to make these betrayed folks feel like even more crap.

 

Just beacuse you were a good husband, does not mean everyone BS was. it's like in prison, where everyone is claiming that they are innocent. Someones gotta be guilty. everyone wasnt framed of what they are being accused of.

 

You're right. Someone's gotta be guilty, and it's these cheaters.

 

 

I just think it's wierd that BS's dont understand why their spouse left, had an affair, hate them, don't love them anymore.

 

I'm sure these betrayed spouses do understand why their cheating mates screwed someone else. Because they're overly selfish.

 

 

 

There must be one betrayed partner that got a big karmic slap in the face for being a horrible ****ty partner/person.

 

The only person getting smacked in the face by karma is these cheaters, who are the real horrible ****ty partners. How can you believe a word of a lying deceiving human being when they're the one's whoring around for as long as 3 years? Cheating only makes them look like more of a fool than ever, and a lot of cheaters were the bad ones to begin with.

 

Like the boyfriend in titanic. remember what a scumbag he was?

 

And so was the girl and the character Leo played. Instead of just leaving the guy she cheats. Please don't bring in any glamorizing movies that portray affairs and how selfish folks really are in real life. Ugh.

 

 

I was rooting for Leo...not him. whether or not kate winslet was a skank isnt the question.

 

Well of course you'd root for that character. Whether or not the woman she played was a skank does matter.

 

 

this dosnt mean the fiance didnt get what he deserved for being a complete pig.

 

I honestly don't think the man deserved to be cheated on. He didn't deserve her in the beginning but she didn't have to be a call girl with a guy she barely knew on the ship. I mean seriously it seems you get off on those types of garbage movies that display betrayal, no offense.

 

 

Why is it that BS only believe in Karma when it's going in the direction of the WS?

 

Why do cheaters have to be selfish deceivers and put not only their lives at risk, but their spouse's lives for a 10-minute orgasm because they're mad at how their marriage sucks? Why not be a mature adult, set an example for the young bucks, and handle their domestic issues correctly instead of acting like kids?

 

isnt it funny how BS's are always talming abouy how karma will catch ups to the cheater.

 

You know what's really funny? These cheaters acting as if them cheating was the best thing that happened to their marriages. Guilting their betrayed ones and using them as dogs when they know they're pushovers, to their benefit.

 

whe it comes to bad things that happen to them, all of a sudden cuase and effect, karma whatever you want to call it dissaperears.

 

Nada.

[Distant78]

I'd like to hear one of them be as truthful as they wish their cheating spouses were and take responsibility for their actions and part in destroying the love and relationship. Just as they want the cheater to take responsiblity for the cheating.

 

When a cheater shows that they can keep their pants on and mouths shut around the opposite sex, and learn to be mature adults and be 100% remorseful then maybe the betrayed can say what they did in their marriages was wrong before their partner decided to be selfish.

[Woggle]

Maybe some BS are horrible but other than cheating my ex spent all our money on drugs plus was violent. During the divorce she falsely accused me of rape and abuse to the point where she almost charged with perjury plus tried to shoot me when she found out I was getting married again. Despite all this she still blames me for everything. Tell me how I somehow caused all this.

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe some BS are horrible but other than cheating my ex spent all our money on drugs plus was violent. During the divorce she falsely accused me of rape and abuse to the point where she almost charged with perjury plus tried to shoot me when she found out I was getting married again. Despite all this she still blames me for everything. Tell me how I somehow caused all this.

 

 

I am so glad you are away from her. You and your wife deserve the best.

[Waitress]

I once discovered that the live-in girlfriend of a guy I knew was advertising for sex with strangers on a hook-up website. The way I found out was that one day I was Googling people's names and happened to do hers. She had written stories trashing him on this site using her real name.

 

From there, I came across her ads.

 

It was shocking to me. But I felt the guy should know. So, I told him. He did not really believe me. Eventually, he went and checked it out himself.

 

Ya know what he did? He blamed himself and tried to make it up to her.

 

Their relationship was pretty pathetic by that point, obviously.

 

Next thing I know he is calling me a lot just to chat and finally he tried to get together with me. His girlfriend found out and blasted him! Suddenly, she was the victim. She was BS. And he was labeled cheater. The issue of her disloyalty and cheating was erased from her mind. It was all about what he did to her.

 

It was really messed up.

 

I don't think all cheating relationships are like this, not at all. But I do think people lie to themselves A LOT. And believe they did nothing wrong. In the above case, the woman probably believed she was the innocent victim.

 

I find it hard to believe that people are always totally honest when they come to this forum. And I would bet that a number of the people who are pissed off at being a BS are not telling the whole story. And find it somehow vindicating to trash their spouse and get support.

 

Not that I am excusing a cheater (and I have not read back far on this thread so am not commenting on that specifically). But the infidelity discussed on here is not always the beginning of problems in a relationship.

 

IMO

[confusedinkansas]

Maybe part of the reason that my husband and I were able to stay together after his affair was that we were both willing to admit the mistakes we had made and that we had both hurt each other ( he also had a whole lot of issues going on that were really throwing him for a loop, which I could really understand). Once we were able to do that, things started to get better for us.

 

EXACTLY.....This is exactly how marriages stick together after any major disaster in the relationship (infidelity or otherwise).

BOTH parties take blame for their contribution in what's happened. It's not always just ONE person's fault.

There are those out there that are big enough people to admit "Hey, I was a shi&&y husband - or a bitchy wife - no wonder we got into the position we're in"

 

Now for those Perfect Spouses who were cheated on...Obviously we're all very sorry that you were cheated on.

 

But there are those out there that KNOW their role & what they did to bring the marriage down.

[Waitress]

EXACTLY.....This is exactly how marriages stick together after any major disaster in the relationship (infidelity or otherwise).

BOTH parties take blame for their contribution in what's happened. It's not always just ONE person's fault.

There are those out there that are big enough people to admit "Hey, I was a shi&&y husband - or a bitchy wife - no wonder we got into the position we're in"

 

Now for those Perfect Spouses who were cheated on...Obviously we're all very sorry that you were cheated on.

 

But there are those out there that KNOW their role & what they did to bring the marriage down.

 

I think you put this perfectly. There are two people in a relationship and in order for there to be any healing both need to be totally honest. Unfortunately, the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves so that is not always possible.