My girlfriend has issues with drinking.

[Jamie80]

I have been dating my girlfriend for over three years and she started to want to take a break so that she can exercise to get were she is happy with herself. We have had our little arguments from time to time, but everyone has that. She thought that since she was not happy with the way that she looked that is why we had our arguments. I agreed to give her space so that she can devote more time to her studies and workout. A month went by and we were going to start to do more things together and she ends up getting drunk two days before and cheats on me with this other guy. I LOVE her so much that I could not lose her. We talked and worked things out so that I could trust her. This kind of behaviour is not like her. She is getting ready to graduate college and has a lot on her mind, so I think that has a lot to do with this behaviour. Since our little break she started to hang out with some new people and not as much with her old friends. Her new friend are not ones that I think that someone could trust. A week after she cheated on me I was looking for her so that I could talk to her. I saw her car at this party and knew that she was going with a friend. I told her not to get trashed like she did a week before. When I walked in I said my hello's to people and found her in a corner with a guy that had his hands all over her. Once I saw this I pulled her out and asked her what was going on. She could not tell me because she was drunk out of her mind. I told her that I LOVED HER and that we would talk the next day. When she is not with these new friends of her's she is the sweet girl that I know. I LOVE HER so much that I do not want to loose her. Please help me find a way to keep her with out her getting mad at me when I tell her that I do not want her to hang out with her new friends.

[einahpets]

i have lost a lot of friends this way. alcohol changes people in horrible ways. you think you know people but you don't. she is young and wants to party. it could last for years. i know people who are in their 20s who are full fledged alcoholics, who can't go more than one day without drinking. it may take years for her to grow up. i was her once. and i had those friends. and i woke 2 years ago and realized that my friends weren't really my friends. the drugs and alcohol were destroying my body. i had lost friends i really cared about. and the people i thought were my friends didn't care about me at all. it took a few nightmare roommates, several incidents with the cops, a stabbing and a suicide at my apartment for me to realize this. i left every friend i had behind. i no longer do drugs and only drink a few beers in a sitting. thank god i had a wonderful boyfriend to help me get out of the situation. i now have a quiet apt. w/ my bf, w/few friends, but happy. my point is it may take her years to snap out of it. tell her how you feel and let her make her choice. no one deserves to be cheated on. could you really ever trust her again? love yourself first. respect yourself and she will respect you (i hope).

[dixiepix]

I too have been that girl. In a relationship w/ someone I truly cared for yet the fun and excitement of drinking, flirting and partying became a number one priority. Unfortunately, the longer her behaviour continues, the harder it will be to reclaim her as your girlfriend. Maybe she has decided it is time for her to move on and she does not want to hurt your feelings. Either way, you need to tell her how you feel and that her behaviour is unacceptable. If she chooses to continue the partying, alcohol, maybe drugs and casual sex, let her go. It will be a downward spiral for her until something bad happens...usually a life threatening experience. If I were you I would be more concerned about her lack of respect for you and the fact she is acting this way in front of people you know as well as her complete disregard for her health as well as yours. If you continue to hunt her down, which is embarrassing when you are doing what she is doing, you will become her enemy. Give her an ultimatum and let her choose.

[average guy]

I agree, alchol is the worst drug we have - it's legal and evertone has access to as much of it as they wan. it is an all pervasive poisin in the wrongs hands. It can ruin people, jobs, marriages, kill incoent people (drunk drivers - how many herion addicts do you know that shoot up and then go for a drive?)

 

Anyway, my feelings are you have two choices: stay with her and try and get her into help to dry out; or walk away. I think most ex-alcholhics would tell you that you are never going to get her to stop drinking - she will have to make that decision and do it herself. However, you might be able to help her and steer her in that direction - but it will take a long time. I stppoed drinking after a girdlfeidn and I broke up (not over my drinking) but some of her parting words were to dry out after I drank for 3 days staright from th pain of or breakup, I stppoed cold-turkey and have never had a drop since.

 

Anyway, I wish you all the best luck

 

A.G.

[priscilla]

It kind of sounds like you already lost her to the alcohol and new set of friends. You might really consider moving on because it seems as if you guys are in different places in your lives. Good luck, and I hope by some miracle she comes around, but if she doesn't, i hope you meet someone who loves you as much as you love your g/f

[nikkilove]

Can you express your concerns to her when she's sober? If so, how does she respond? Does she feel she has a drinking problem? I applaud you for caring and trying to help her......we had a family member (also female) commit suicide while drunk....alcoholism is a terrible disease.......it ruins the relationships with those closest to the alcoholic......your GF has to admit she has a problem and is willing to help herself, in order for you to help her. In our situation, she lied and covered up alot of how out of control she really was......and was hanging with the "wrong" people, sometimes not even divulging who her so called "friends" were.....we didn't realize until she was gone that one knew one part of her life, someone else knew another, she only told us what she wanted us to know. She wasn't willing to help herself and it really sux. Please talk to your GF when she is sober and see if she is willing to acknowledge she has a problem and/or get help. You might want to look into Al-Anon for yourself.

[faux]

I'll be brutally honest about how I would have handled the situation. I do not believe in "breaks". If I had been dating this girl exclusively, and she said she needed a break to exercise I would inform her that she can have ample enough time to exercise and work at whatever she wants, while still remaining in a relationship with me. If she could not agree to that then I would consider the relationship done.

 

As for the alcohol, I also right there would not bother putting up with that. If she has done something such as that so easily what is to say she will not do it again? If I read what you said correctly you were still on a "break" then, which means she was free to do whatever she wanted with anyone she wanted. Still, if it hurts that badly I don't see why you would want to put up with things like this. I certainly wouldn't.

 

I know of no way that you can tell her not to hang out with her friends without getting her angry. She has a right to associate with anyone that she wants, no matter how much you disapprove of them. You can inform her that it concerns you, seeing how she tends to do things that are unhealthy for her, but demanding she not see these people might hit a nerve.