BrokenAngel25 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 It's been 3 days since he tore my heart right out of my chest. For the past 3 weeks I sensed something was wrong and I questioned him. He said everything was fine and I was overracting. Later to find out he didn't come home on my Birthday from his work shift. I instantly had a sharp pain in my stomach and knew something was seriously wrong. I got a hold of the last numbers contact by cell and text and called it. It was a women...I asked her if she knew him and she paused and said no. I then became angry and stated I am his girlfriend of 8 years and I demand to know where he is. Its not like him not to come home and I am worried sick! (Mind you this is the day of my Birthday) She became very cocky and said she would call me back. 10 mins later she called me back and said she kicked him out of her apartment and he should be on his way home. I explained to her that she has to see this from my point of view. I am in shock and never thought he would do this to me. She then said he told me he was single, she only met him 2 days ago. etc. I then asked her one last question women to women "did you sleep with him?" She said honestly no we didn't sleep with each other. We didn't even make out. We stood up all night talking and he fell asleep on my sofa. We exchanged a few more words then hung out. After this he didnt come right home. He went right to his Mommy's house. Little did he know I was already on the phone with her and she knew everything. She demanded he talk to me and he didn't want to face the music. After some time he got on the phone and he said that he didn't have to explain his self to anyone. "It is what it is, I am sorry it ended this way, It's nothing you did wrong, I fell out of love with you, I don't want to be in a relationship" these are his words after 8 years... Now to rewind a little he is a Cop and I am currently in the academy. I believe ever since he became a Cop he changed for the worse. It's not only a stressful job but from what he told me all the Cops cheat on there wives and girlfriends and get away with it. I feel since he was exposed to this on a weekly basis that he thought maybe he can do the same... I don't believe for a second he fell out of love with me. I believe he dug himself a whole he can't get out of so his only solution is to hide from the issue instead of trying to fix it. I been in tears ever since. I am sick, I can't eat, can't think, can't sleep. I don't hate him but I hate what he has done to me. We have 10 months of our lease yet. It's a 2 bedroom apartment so he said he wiill move all his thing in there. He will come and go as he pleases and most of the time will be sleeping at his Mother's house. He wants us to be friends. I don't know how to take all this in.......I am serously having a meltdown!!! Advice please!!! (Sorry for any misspelled words and the fact everything is drawn together) Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Sorry to hear your story - that's real ****ty of him. I have just been dumped after 8 years so I have some idea of the pain you are going through. My honest advice is to snap the **** out of it - go no contact, avoid him at all costs. I did the polar opposite of this , now 6 weeks later I am still screwed up, my job is suffering cos all I can think about is her - I MISS HER SOOOOO MUCH. I honestly WISH I had had the courage to completely cut her off from the start, she has moved on, she is not thinking about me yet I'm stuck in a rut - I've lost 2 stone and still can't eat properly. I've joined the gym and that provides some releif but not much to be honest. PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE AS BEST YOU CAN. Think about anything but him - get yourself our, see friends, hit the gym - KEEP BUSY. Would you really want him back after this? He's shown his true colours and at the end of the day, if you cut him off, he might realise what he's lost and come crawling back, by which time you'll have a better perspective. I really feel for you and wish you the very best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenAngel25 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I usually hit the gym since I have to keep in shape for the academy. I tried yesterday and nearly passed out due to the lack of food in my body. I been trying to drink chicken broth and it's very painful. I want to kick him out of my life asap but our lease prevents it and neither one of us want to leave our apartment or break the lease. What will kill me the most is seeing him come and go and act like 8 years didn't mean anything to him. I texted him yesterday and said "I must of been a terriable girlfriend!" and he didn't respond. I am so crushed...in a million years I didn't see our relationship play out like this. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 It's been 3 days since he tore my heart right out of my chest. For the past 3 weeks I sensed something was wrong and I questioned him. He said everything was fine and I was overracting. Later to find out he didn't come home on my Birthday from his work shift. I instantly had a sharp pain in my stomach and knew something was seriously wrong. I got a hold of the last numbers contact by cell and text and called it. It was a women...I asked her if she knew him and she paused and said no. I then became angry and stated I am his girlfriend of 8 years and I demand to know where he is. Its not like him not to come home and I am worried sick! (Mind you this is the day of my Birthday) She became very cocky and said she would call me back. 10 mins later she called me back and said she kicked him out of her apartment and he should be on his way home. I explained to her that she has to see this from my point of view. I am in shock and never thought he would do this to me. She then said he told me he was single, she only met him 2 days ago. etc. I then asked her one last question women to women "did you sleep with him?" She said honestly no we didn't sleep with each other. We didn't even make out. We stood up all night talking and he fell asleep on my sofa. We exchanged a few more words then hung out. After this he didnt come right home. He went right to his Mommy's house. Little did he know I was already on the phone with her and she knew everything. She demanded he talk to me and he didn't want to face the music. After some time he got on the phone and he said that he didn't have to explain his self to anyone. "It is what it is, I am sorry it ended this way, It's nothing you did wrong, I fell out of love with you, I don't want to be in a relationship" these are his words after 8 years... Now to rewind a little he is a Cop and I am currently in the academy. I believe ever since he became a Cop he changed for the worse. It's not only a stressful job but from what he told me all the Cops cheat on there wives and girlfriends and get away with it. I feel since he was exposed to this on a weekly basis that he thought maybe he can do the same... I don't believe for a second he fell out of love with me. I believe he dug himself a whole he can't get out of so his only solution is to hide from the issue instead of trying to fix it. I been in tears ever since. I am sick, I can't eat, can't think, can't sleep. I don't hate him but I hate what he has done to me. We have 10 months of our lease yet. It's a 2 bedroom apartment so he said he wiill move all his thing in there. He will come and go as he pleases and most of the time will be sleeping at his Mother's house. He wants us to be friends. I don't know how to take all this in.......I am serously having a meltdown!!! Advice please!!! (Sorry for any misspelled words and the fact everything is drawn together) I too was dumped after an 8 year relationship. My ex was acting weird a week before he told me he "needed space." I went to stay with my parents while he figured out what he wanted to do and then he dumped me a few weeks later saying we weren't right for each other, he wasn't in love with me anymore blah blah blah. A few months after the breakup, I found out he was cheating on me the week before the "I need space" conversation. He is currently with the girl he cheated on me with. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I know exactly what you are going through. I agree with the above poster. Go no contact right away. Can you move out or can he move out of the apartment you are in? Living together for the next 10 months is going to be so difficult. I can't even imagine having to do that. And the friend sh*t isn't going to work. My ex tried that with me too. We had a dog together and he wanted visitation. I put a stop to that because it wasn't helping me move on and I felt like he was keeping tabs on me. We're all here for you, so keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 If it's any help - you are not alone. I've been through alot in my time and wierdly I thought that if we ever broke up I'd be fine but it actually felt like someone was electricuting my heart! I'm pleased to say that that part is over now. I had a week last week where I only cried once, now this week It's been like Niagara Falls! All the memories of what we did/were going to do, the fact I'll never see her family again (they were like my family too!) It's just the most awful thing to have to go through and the worst part is that I have NO control over any aspect of it - even how I feel!! One minute I'm strong, the next I'm in pieces. Someone said recently - you haven't lived until you've had your heart broken and I can see what they mean... I'm learning alot about myself and I'm trying to put a positive spin on it that when I eventually come out the other side I will be a different person! Try to get some food on board, a Banana or something and keep drinking water X Link to post Share on other sites
Denillad Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I know it's not easy, I lost 30 lbs after my break up. Couldnt eat nor sleep and it took me almost a year to be functional. I really wish u can do better than I did when our 5 year relationship n 3 yrs marriage end. Please take care of yourself, do what take to deal with your emotions. It's taken me over 2 years to get where I'm at , even though im not over him but I'm moving on. Don't chase him. If u get the chance to talk with him, be honest n let him know how u feel but don't beg, harass etc. If he can walk away from u then he is not worth u love n may not be the one for u. NC contact will help u heal n send a message to him. Just take care if urself Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hi BrokenAngel, so sorry to hear your story - my ex cheated and left me at the start of December after a five year relationship and he had only known the new girl a couple of months. The first month after the break-up was truly awful but helped by the fact that I asked him to move out immediately. I would really recommend you changing your living set up if you can. Just 12 weeks after finding out everything and asking him to leave I'm healing tremendously, but only because I haven't seen him since the day I found out. Could you get a roommate for your second bedroom, or even try and pay the whole rent for a couple of months until you do, just to give yourself a break? The only way you will get the healing space you need is if you can avoid seeing him. Good luck and know that the right man for you would not have done this. Sadly a number of us are in this boat but you will get better, you will find better and you will get over this. I wouldn't have believed it 2.5 months ago but it's true. We're all here for you. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenAngel25 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I too was dumped after an 8 year relationship. My ex was acting weird a week before he told me he "needed space." I went to stay with my parents while he figured out what he wanted to do and then he dumped me a few weeks later saying we weren't right for each other, he wasn't in love with me anymore blah blah blah. A few months after the breakup, I found out he was cheating on me the week before the "I need space" conversation. He is currently with the girl he cheated on me with. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I know exactly what you are going through. I agree with the above poster. Go no contact right away. Can you move out or can he move out of the apartment you are in? Living together for the next 10 months is going to be so difficult. I can't even imagine having to do that. And the friend sh*t isn't going to work. My ex tried that with me too. We had a dog together and he wanted visitation. I put a stop to that because it wasn't helping me move on and I felt like he was keeping tabs on me. We're all here for you, so keep posting. I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. He and I have a dog together as well. Our pup stays with his Mom since our apartment complex doesn't allow pets. I tried asking him to move out so that we have have NC but he refuses since he invested in our place as well. I believe NC might help the situation. Maybe it will allow him to miss me and rethink. But as long as he knows where I am and what I am doing he will never want me back. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. He and I have a dog together as well. Our pup stays with his Mom since our apartment complex doesn't allow pets. I tried asking him to move out so that we have have NC but he refuses since he invested in our place as well. I believe NC might help the situation. Maybe it will allow him to miss me and rethink. But as long as he knows where I am and what I am doing he will never want me back. I would move out if I were you. Is there anyone you can live with? I moved in with a friend and my ex had to pay me my half of the furniture and things that we bought together. Can u kick him out and pay him for what he "invested" in the apartment. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Believe me, I know how painful it is. It's been almost a year since my ex dumped me and while I'm doing better then I was at the beginning of the breakup, I still think about him constantly. It's been a struggle for me to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenAngel25 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Can you believe he comes to me and says "I really think we can be great friends! We been best friends for 8 years, I would do anything for you. I really want us to be friends." I told him I didn't know and started to cry. He asked if I needed a hug and I said no. WTF!!!! WHY does he want to be friends??????? Link to post Share on other sites
is2008 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Exactly what my ex said to me. They're not ready to let us go, but don't want to be with us either. Basically they want the best of both worlds. The comfort of having us around, but none of the commitment involved. Go cold turkey on him. I've gone cold turkey on mine and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I miss her bad. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Can you believe he comes to me and says "I really think we can be great friends! We been best friends for 8 years, I would do anything for you. I really want us to be friends." I told him I didn't know and started to cry. He asked if I needed a hug and I said no. WTF!!!! WHY does he want to be friends??????? Yep this sounds so familiar. My ex pulled the "I want to be friends with you" BS too. So irritating. Just like the above poster said, they don't want to let us go. They want us in their lives, but not as we want to be. There is no way to be friends with an ex. Maybe years down the road, but not now. You need to go no contact with him as soon as possible. Is there any way you can change your living arrangements? Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 DON'T DO IT!!! I though it would work for me and my ex, she'd pop round for a chat and a hug for the first few weeks and I couldn't handle it - infact, it just ****ed me up even more cos every time we did it, I'd think there was a chance of us getting back together but in reality she'd moved on and just prolonged this agony. Coming up to 7 weeks this Sunday and I still MISS HER LIKE CRAZY. but I am now going full NC. I'm taking it one step at a time and by not having ANY contact seems to be the best way. MOVE OUT, CUT HIM OFF, START AGAIN! Harsh words and I know you don't really want to hear them, but could you ever have him back after this? Thought not - so what's the point!!!!!!! Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenAngel25 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I am just so sick to my stomach over all this. I keep going to bed hoping I wake up and it was all a big nightmare. I told him I had to think about the friend thing. I mean, we have to be room mates for the next 10 months because both our names are on the lease. And neither of us are willing to move out. He really wants me to let yin have the apartment so he can have his partner move in (he is a cop btw) and then they can have all kinds of parties and girls over. Um, HELL NO! My name is on the lease and it ain't happening while that's the case. Link to post Share on other sites
screwball Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 If you or he has someone lined up to fill your lease I imagine the apartment complex would allow you to switch - I've been able to do that before. That way you don't have to worry about being responsible if they trash the place. I wouldn't stay just to prevent him from living his life...especially because you're making yourself miserable in the process. Thinking that you still have control over his life will delay the time that you can finally accept that he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
stopthemadness Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Hi, so sorry for your pain. I too was in an 8+ yr relationship, weve been broke up for 7 months now. The first few months were HARD, But i got through them and so will you. My ex started out with "i need a break" which now i know means BREAKUP around July. So we kept in contact for a few months. By Oct he said he met smone and was going too start dating!! I was devastated to say the least!! But i kept in contact with him. I think he thought he could help me through my pain. (i hope thats what he thought). Will turns out he was meeting women on facebook from his past and now hes on like 3 people sence the break up. I starting seeing a therapist and started going bk to church. And this week am joining a gym. Ive only been N/C from this man for about 35 days and am doing ok. Everyones right when they say to go NO CONTACT. Am healing now because of not talking to him or email or texting or nothing. It wasnt untell i stopped ALL contact that i started feeling better. Keep posting it helps.....theres a chat line on here to. Its called On line chatting to cope, check it out, its helped me alot at my weak times..Hang in there..God Bless....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenAngel25 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I would say 10% of me living there would be spiteful and 90% would be that I don't have a choice. I am not from where we live. I don't have any family or really close friends to room mate with. I moved here 5 years ago because we got sick of the long distance relationship. (My home town is about an hour and 1/2 away) I have my full time job during the day and my am part time school at night. He has family and friends that he could live with but he refuses. He just wants me to leave and doesn't care what happens to me. Even though he states he wants to be friends. The whole situation is BS. I shouldn't have to suffer career wise because he screwed up. That's not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonie Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Yep this sounds so familiar. My ex pulled the "I want to be friends with you" BS too. So irritating. Just like the above poster said, they don't want to let us go. They want us in their lives, but not as we want to be. There is no way to be friends with an ex. Maybe years down the road, but not now. You need to go no contact with him as soon as possible. Is there any way you can change your living arrangements? Hey Shannon. I have been on here for a while and have read some of your posts and I have to say the EXACT SAME THING happened to me after 3 years of me and my ex being together. I really wanted to PM u but apparently I do not have that option. Is there any way we could chat or anything? My ex bf left me out of the blue through a ****ing EMAIL( what COWARD he was) after claiming I was the love of his love of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonie Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 These ppl do not have a ****ing heart. They just dump you for NO GOOD REASON through a ****ing email. R u kidding me? I was so blindsided and everyone though that he was such a sweet, caring guy who love me with all his heart. I guess I was wrong and lived in a lie and he was a damn good liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope HE GETS BURNT THE SAME ****ING WAY! Karma is a bitch and hope it bites him in the ass. I have been told by him and many other ppl that I am a very good person inside and out. I was too damn good and I should have been a bitch instead. I guess that is what he is looking for. A bitch that will give him the stupid "spark" that he though was gone in our relationship. Again SHANNON pls , I hope we can chat more since you and I have went through the exact same thing with those *******s. In fact, my ex and your ex should date each other, they are a great match seriously!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so full of anger and it is not even funny. I hateeeee this bastard! Hope he burns in hell. Link to post Share on other sites
aeren944 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Hey Broken, I'm really, really sorry to hear what you're going through. What a messed up way to leave someone. I just wanted to say that I, too, lost my relationship after 8 years. She cheated on me, then left me, and we've got two kids together. I remember the first 3 months being absolute hell. I had mental breakdowns, cried myself to sleep countless times, went home from work because I couldn't concentrate on anything, and was trying to take care of our two kids. I'm now on month 9 of the breakup. It was hell, but I am GREATLY better than I was before. I know, for a fact, that it won't mean much to you that I say you'll be okay, but it's the truth. I wanted to die, I thought my world ended, and I wanted to give up all hope. I still have my bad days, where I miss her or think about her too much, but not very often at all anymore. She pulled the same crap with me, wanted to be friends and says she'll always love me and that I mean a lot to her. It's crap. It's pure crap just to make herself feel better... and its the same with your ex. Take the advice, and go no contact. It will be hard, but it will be exponentially more rewarding in the end. I couldn't go no contact, because of the kids, but I went to very, very little contact. You are going to be angry and hurt for a long time, so settle in and get comfortable. You will make it through, and you will heal. Trust me, I remember how horrible it was 9 months ago, and I never, ever thought I'd be here... but I am. And yes, keep posting. Post as much as you need to. This is one of the hardest things in life, in my opinion, and it happens to so many people. This is not the end at all... this is the beginning. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrokenAngel25 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 I'm lying in bed feeling sick again. He went out last night for his birthday with his co workers and I went out last night as well. I though about him the entire time. Wondering if he was picking up girls etc. I could barely enjoy my self. I wanted to text him so bad but I didn't. I came home at 1am And he wasn't home. I slept till about 10am. (tossing and turning) he still wasn't home. I went to his Mothers house to talk a little and his car was in the drive way. He ended up crashing there. I walked in and our dog jumped on me like crazy. (his mom keeps our dog because our apartment doesn't allow pets) he needed a hair cut badly and he asked if I wanted help. I agreed and we spent an hour together cutting our dogs hair. It made me feel better that we were spending some time together. We laughed a little and joked on how funny our dog looked. Then I told him I missed him and he rolled his eyes!!! He said "can you please not do this!" my eyes began to water and I said sorry. We drove I'm our separate cars back to the apartment. I went to my room while he stayed in the living room and watched a movie before he left to work. Ughhhhh! This is sooo hard!!! :'( Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 These ppl do not have a ****ing heart. They just dump you for NO GOOD REASON through a ****ing email. R u kidding me? I was so blindsided and everyone though that he was such a sweet, caring guy who love me with all his heart. I guess I was wrong and lived in a lie and he was a damn good liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope HE GETS BURNT THE SAME ****ING WAY! Karma is a bitch and hope it bites him in the ass. I have been told by him and many other ppl that I am a very good person inside and out. I was too damn good and I should have been a bitch instead. I guess that is what he is looking for. A bitch that will give him the stupid "spark" that he though was gone in our relationship. Again SHANNON pls , I hope we can chat more since you and I have went through the exact same thing with those *******s. In fact, my ex and your ex should date each other, they are a great match seriously!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so full of anger and it is not even funny. I hateeeee this bastard! Hope he burns in hell. Hey Bonie, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. I was feeling the same way not to long ago. I am by no means over my ex, but I'm doing better then I was. You'll get there too. All the anger and sadness you feel is normal and part of the healing process. It just sucks when you are going through it. I still really miss my ex even though he's a piece of sh*t and he did what he did to me. I really wish I could get over that part of it....missing him. It's been almost a year and it's still a day to day stuggle. I still think about him a lot. I would love to chat with you. I don't think you can PM yet because you are a new member. This is my email: [email protected]. Email me if you want:) Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 I'm lying in bed feeling sick again. He went out last night for his birthday with his co workers and I went out last night as well. I though about him the entire time. Wondering if he was picking up girls etc. I could barely enjoy my self. I wanted to text him so bad but I didn't. I came home at 1am And he wasn't home. I slept till about 10am. (tossing and turning) he still wasn't home. I went to his Mothers house to talk a little and his car was in the drive way. He ended up crashing there. I walked in and our dog jumped on me like crazy. (his mom keeps our dog because our apartment doesn't allow pets) he needed a hair cut badly and he asked if I wanted help. I agreed and we spent an hour together cutting our dogs hair. It made me feel better that we were spending some time together. We laughed a little and joked on how funny our dog looked. Then I told him I missed him and he rolled his eyes!!! He said "can you please not do this!" my eyes began to water and I said sorry. We drove I'm our separate cars back to the apartment. I went to my room while he stayed in the living room and watched a movie before he left to work. Ughhhhh! This is sooo hard!!! :'( You've got to try to change your living arrangements. This isn't going to get any easier for you unless you do. Don't spend any time with him if you can help it. It's going to make letting go that much harder. My ex wanted to be friends and see our dog, but I couldn't do it. Seeing him and being "friends" with him would have delayed my recovery. Going no contact was the only way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
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