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Why does he do this?


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My husband and I have been seperated and living under the same roof with our kids for nearly two years now. He lives on one side of the house and I on the other.

 

I had to set boundaries in place 9 months ago. One of which is no intimacy.

 

My husband clearly knows how I have feel about it. But he argues that I am still his wife and I have obligations. And that he can be intimate with me and not feel anything.. so he can't understand my boundaries. But he continues to try anyway. Alot.

He can be very forceful at times and when I voice it he laughs it off like it is a wrestling move or something...when I say no, he gets angry. He will try to hug me and kiss me...when I say no and turn my head he still forces me to kiss him. :( Once he forced himself on me when I clearly said no to sex. He acts like I am always playing a hard to get kind of game...and honestly if you saw me you would know that I am miserable and just want him away. He will put me in a "missionary" hold on the ground in front the kids, and I tell him no angrily, to let me up. But he won't. And he laughs like he is playing around, like it is a lets tickle mom and not let her up game...but it literally frightens my youngest one. She screams at him to leave mommy alone.

We have always had intimacy issues. He can't be intimate during sex. There is no warmth or gentleness. No tenderness. He has always had problems with affection and emotionally connecting with me in our marriage. It one of the many huge reasons our marriage dissolved.

 

I know I have to get out of this kind of living situation period. I hope to file in the summer when I am financially able.

 

But, what kind of person is he!? And why does he act this way?

Edited by blizzard
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Get out of the house and file a restraining order against him. Being married to him doesn't mean you're obligated to have sex with him; if he forces himself on you, against your wishes, that's considered rape.

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Get out of the house and file a restraining order against him. Being married to him doesn't mean you're obligated to have sex with him; if he forces himself on you, against your wishes, that's considered rape.

 

I agree you need to get out and file a restraining order against him. He has no right to force you to have sex with him even if married! My first husband thought that as well until one time he did it and his butt went to jail for domestic abuse on a household member and attempted rape.. as he didn't get sex from me but since he touched my skin under my shirt the cops called it attempted rape.. I had a 6 month old son with him and was only 19 almost 20 when he did this, I packed up and left him. Be careful he sounds ****ed up

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His "play acting" to "cop a feel" is pretty creepy.

 

Anyhow, since leaving now isn't an option reinforce this boundary verbally with him in order to stop being man-handled. Tell him no means no. Period. You are not a wrestling partner either. Let him know that if he crosses this boundary again you will have to take it up a level and get the authorities involved. Play it calm and no negotiating. Inform your lawyer as well that you've had to reinforce this boundary verbally with your husband.

 

Good luck.

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get out asap.

 

not only are you inviting harm into your personal space (which should ata minimum be a safe haven) -you are showing an unhealthy example for your kids... which they will come to learn as their version of "normal"

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His "play acting" to "cop a feel" is pretty creepy.

 

Anyhow, since leaving now isn't an option reinforce this boundary verbally with him in order to stop being man-handled. Tell him no means no. Period. You are not a wrestling partner either. Let him know that if he crosses this boundary again you will have to take it up a level and get the authorities involved. Play it calm and no negotiating. Inform your lawyer as well that you've had to reinforce this boundary verbally with your husband.

 

Good luck.

 

I don't think verbal threats on her part would benefit her any. If the husband is capable of such volatile behaviours, there's nothing stopping him from physically hurting her. It is imperative she removes herself from the house and take the kids with her.

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I agree with the other posters...get out.

 

As a matter of fact...I suspect that you probably DO already have sufficient grounds to charge him with in a court. You should seriously consider (or better yet, consult the police or an attorney) whether or not this would be sufficient to get a restraining order and have him removed from the house.

 

Here's the real danger here...if you do nothing...he's going to see it as acceptance and continue the behavior.

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