heartbrokengrl Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 My ex who i'm still completly in love with tells me that he still loves me but isnt in love with me !!! what does this mean please help!!!!!!!???????? also I still really want to be his friend and we have great sex together so I dont want to give that up but is that bad because I have more emotional feeling for him than that!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Originally posted by heartbrokengrl My ex who i'm still completly in love with tells me that he still loves me but isnt in love with me !!! what does this mean please help!!!!!!!???????? It means he doesn't love you, but still cares for you enough to not want to hurt your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 A person can truly love a member of the opposite sex and want the very best for them but not be IN love with them, a much different kind of love that transcends the normal love boundaries and enters are whole different level of feelings and often obsessions. I love many females but it takes me a very long time, a lot of chemistry, and some other elements for me to fall in love with them. I can very easily love a lady without being IN love with her...where I want to spend every minute with her and consider sharing my life with her. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Have you been together a long time? Did something happen recently; did he cheat? In my oppinion, I think a person says that when they want to take a break but use that as the free pass for when they are ready to get back together. People view love as something that exists forever. They feel it for the person even when they are not still together. Being "in" love is when there are rules, committment, and a relationship. Maybe he is trying to say he wants to see what else is out there but if things don't turn out without you, he'll use the "but I love you" thing to try and get you back. It could be a manipulation in a way. Be careful not to be a fool. I learned it the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartBrokenGrl Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Originally posted by bittersweet Have you been together a long time? Did something happen recently; did he cheat? No we werent together for a very long time ... during our time together he told me he loved me and everything was perfect but he heard some things from a friend that made him think I cheated on him and inturn he broke it off with me .... and these rummors from friends were untrue. Now that I try and get him back he'll still be all lovey with me but won't really give me anything to go by besides he still loves me but isnt "in love" with me. That he doesnt want any girl for the momment. but when we are together like with mutual friends he still wants to flirt with me and etc. Also we still have sex is that bad??????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Great sex What do you mean by that? It may be something different for both of you. There is nothing that compares to making love to someone that is in love with you. You may only end up getting more hurt in the long run if you revolve everything around sex. Soon, it will be the only thing that makes the two of you happy. You're basically putting your life on hold to continue "great sex" with him. There is much more about yourself that you want to offer someone. You don't want him to think he can have you whenever he wants you... you don't want him to have the word "sex" on his mind when your name comes up. I told my boyfriend once that having sex with him seemed like the only time he was happy or "into" me. If I wasn't having sex with him all the sudden, he probably would look at me differently. Just b/c you have sex together doesn't guarantee anything. There is no commitment behind it. Its something you need to think about becasue it won't make him fall back in love with you. The only way he can feel that way at this point is if you play a little harder to get. You'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartGrl Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 First off Its not only me .. he 2 really enjoys the sex. I'm not revloing everything around having sex though. I held off sex with him for a long time and now that we are broke up I didnt wanna lose that part of him also b/c it was good and I knew I could get it . I dont want to make it seem like he can get whatever he wants even though we arent together but I enjoy it also. Although I have feeling for him still and it does sort of feel akward as times. Would it be bad to carry on a friendship with him for the time being and still have sex if I can keep my emotions out of it . I dont dont understand why we can be broke up but when we come around either other he wants to be cuddled with me and etc. Does he just not want to let go of me but doesnt want complete commentment either???? MY bottem line is what should I do 1. drop him completely give up all contact with him even when we come together with other friends 2. still be his friend ,but that only no sex or flrity stuff just strictly pals 3. continue to spend time with him doing the same having sex , cudding and etc. HEEEELLLPPPPPPPP PLEEASSSSEEEEEEEE I just want to know whats right I'm trying to keep my feeling on low I sitll love him and I could move on but I'm trying to stick thru it Link to post Share on other sites
wishfullthinker Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I understand ur pain. I am in the same circumstance ONLY there is no sex as I am 1600 miles away. Here is my dilemma. I fell in love with my ex, we moved intogether. He is emotionally unstable. I was emotionally unstable, so I left him after 8 months. I never had sex with any one else, and he seems to think I have, so he shut his feelings out and now tells me that he loves me, but he can't be in love with me, prolly not ever how we were. We continue to talk daily, and as a matter of fact, I'm moving back to the state I left him at in 2 months. He goes back and forth to where we can reconsile, but then he is confused. I want to hang on as much as you do becuz we had such an awesome connection...only the communication went away. I almost wish I had the sex with him. As pathetic as it sounds, it makes you feel good, that he still cares, but I think you may be just hoping he will change his mind and say those words again. I know I am. I say, stay friends with him. Maybe not sleep with him all that much tho. You may get hurt worse and feel even more used than ever. In my story, he was hurt by me and I can't take that back. I shouldn't have left. Anyways...as much as I agree w/ the no contact rule. Sometimes no contact when you really care, isn't all that good. A little space here and there is always good, but all together, no. If you really care for someone, even just as a friend...do you not talk to them? No. You still keep that door open. A lot of time and work goes into reconsiling a relationship, but I believe that if you really care, you won't shut them out. Having sex...there is a fine line there...he could really still care, and yes, I bet he still does love you. Saying I love you but not in love with you, I agree with the second to last post. They want to keep you there...just in case. He may be afraid he will get hurt. Guys are funny that way. They have to keep their manly hood. Guys like sex, and he isn't going to give that up, especially when he can get it whenever he wants. Believe me, my ex is dating a stripper and he knows she is bad news, but won't stop sleeping w/ her, cuz "he likes getting laid". Just be careful, you arent just a piece for him whenever he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartBrokenGrl Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I just want to thank you all for help. As much as I want to forget about him I know that right now I can't and won't. So I think I'm gonna take wishfullthinker advice. I'm still going to be his friend. Maybe in time he can get his stuff together and we can work things out , but untill then why should I give up knowing and having fun with a good person. I did nothing wrong nor did he ... I think time is just needed. I won't give up the sex completely but I am going to cut it down some and not give it up everytime he wants it. Also its probley best for me to look out for other guys .... I can't put myself on hold right ??????? !!!! Once again thanks all for the help I've cleared some of my confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 It makes perfect sense that the both of you still want to be friends and have sex, etc., after a break-up. You like each other! I guess the main problem would be if you really want more from him than that. If you want him to re-commit to you, then being so readily available to him on such easy terms is not a good idea. Another problem is that it could easily keep you from looking for another boyfriend in a serious way. If your sexual needs and your needs for companionship are being met, then what is your deep motivation for dating others? You're left with just a vague idea that maybe you ought to look around for something else. Also: this sleeping-with-the-ex thing is comforting in the short term, since it eases the pain of separation. But it can cause real misery when your ex gets a new lover and you have to deal with a fresh rejection, this time from a "friend." Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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