How to explain to 5yr old mom and dad don't live together?

[whiterose15]

We would like some advice in how to explain to a 4 and 5 year old

young girls why daddy doesn't live with mommy.

 

My husband has 4 and 5yr old little girls. He is a great dad. He is

basically mom and dad for them and has an active participation in

their daily lives; like taking them to school, buying their clothes, etc.

 

Short Back Ground Explanation:

They live with their mom (for now) and in many occasions they stay at

his parent’s house. She gave up custody, but they have a temporary

agreement. They were never married nor really lived together. At the

beginning, he lived with them part-time (in another bedroom) for about

less than 5 months, due to the fact that she wasn’t taking care of the babies. Didn’t clean, didn’t bathe them, etc., so he stayed to take care of them and worked nights, then made arrangements to go back to his parent’s. She had hope he’d go back with her, but he never did; complicated. Another story.

 

Do to economical difficulties we were forced to live in a one-room apt,

we are working towards having our own house or rent a bigger place, so

the two little girls can live with us. We both work. They have a great

relationship with their dad and me. I treat them as if they were mine.

Give them lots of love and education. The girls know that their mom live

separate and know that dad and I (step-mom) live together. Their mom

lives in public housing. Their mom and I don’t get along nor talk to each

other, but we try not to show it, so Thank God in that sense the girls haven’t sensed it. And the relationship with my husband is totally about the girls.

 

Their mom doesn't know how to drive and depends totally on the pity of

other people. Can’t understand why, since (though never worked, she’s 32yrs old) is smart and educated, but doesn't want to work or do any for her life, for her own future. She doesn’t get along with her family and she doesn’t want her mom (who lives in Europe) in her life. His family favors her for being the girls’ mom and they feel sorry for her, so they help her. My husband is tired of the situation, but he tolerates anything for the well-being of his daughters.

 

 

As of myself, I love my husband and even though, I’m tired of her manipulative ways and his family’s lack of support for him (for us), I have hope that we will be able to be at peace in a new home. Long story…

 

Anyway, the thing is that recently one of the girls is beginning to ask my

husband “why doesn’t he live with their mom or stay with them”. They see

that dad leaves everyday or is not there all day. The other girl wants their father, their mom, and me to stay in the their grandparent’s house where their uncle, and once in a while other family members stay over night. They’ve told me in one or two occasions to stay at their house, so on. My husband shocked by some of the questions, didn’t know what to say or thought it was too soon to explain the situation to them, so he said that he had to take care of me and the small dogs that we have. She was o.k. with that, but again is beginning to ask similar questions.

 

 

Is it too soon to explain to them about relationships and living arrangements?

How do we explain that daddy is not with mom or that we can’t all be together?

 

We didn’t think it would happen so soon. We try to be as normal as possible around them so they don’t feel too much the internal conflicts and adult problems, but now I’m afraid that they are confused.

Thanks.

[Tayla]

Make it simple and age appropriate in explaining. They don't need the adult version but kid friendly version. Try something like, Your father resides in your heart and that is the best place to be. IT worked for my sons and years later when it was time to share the adult version they were already content with the bonds they had with both parents . PLus they loved the idea of staying with Dad some weekends or thru some birthdays,holidays. They considered it a treat

[whiterose15]

Thanks, I'll try it.

[bentnotbroken]

Spoken like someone with a pet rock instead of a child.