Ms_E Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Over the past few months, my boyfriend and I have been making serious, but very private plans to get married in the near future. We were planning to go to the courthouse, get a license, then go to a nearby wedding chapel and do the deed. We both liked the idea. We're both young-middle aged. He's divorced and I've never been married. We've had plenty of good discussions about the kinds of things you should discuss. It's all workable. We've tentatively planned to do this either at the end of this month or early next month. We both sort of figured we do it later this week. Last weekend I went home to visit my parents and didn't have the nerve to broach the topic. They know I'd prefer to elope; we've discussed it several times. They'd both approve but my mom would get very emotional and that sort of thing makes me feel uncomfortable. Boyfriend suggested we should wait and tell them afterwards. I have mixed feelings about how to tell them, on one hand wanting to be the adult child who cares for her parents' feelings enough to share good news before we do it and on the other hand just wanting to get married and deal with the family once we get settled. My feelings about how to handle this are just not clear. So last night he said, "let's do it Thursday". I asked him if I could think about it overnight. Nothing more was said. Today he's angry and hurt and feels I've led him to the point of going this far and then have changed my mind. He says we're not going to talk about it anymore. He loves me but he thinks I'm not ready for marriage. I don't know. We love each other but I guess I'm not ready to involve anyone else. Maybe I'm being immature or maybe he's taking it too hard. And since we've been so private about it, I don't have anyone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 If your parents are local you could tell them and have them come to the courthouse. You need two witnesses anyway. It doesn't sound like you aren't ready to get married, it sounds like you're more worried about how you'll handle your parents feelings. Maybe tell him this, tell him you want to marry him, but you don't want to hurt your moms feelings...tell him you're nervous about it and maybe the two of you together can tell them your plans and tell them the day and time and offer that if they want to come be your witnesses they can come. Then let them know no one else is invited or to be told about it...and that afterward you will tell ppl when you're ready. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Why have you and your bf been this private about marriage? I understand not wanting a big, expensive wedding but what is causing you to be so private that your parents don't even know you'll be married soon? You said that they would be ok with elopement so why not share your plans? I'm a little confused. Do your closest friends know? Do his? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ms_E Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 I think we may have been too private about it and have gotten stuck. My folks are not local but I'm starting to think we should at least tell them together. Personally, I don't like weddings or formal ceremonies. We don't need witnesses where we live, so that's not on the table. My dad wouldn't care one way or the other, but I think both of them would like to be the first ones to know and they'd probably be happiest if we told them of our plans in advance. My bf is a little ticked off that my feelings about our wedding have evolved. It's tough. Link to post Share on other sites
devilmaycare Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I know it sounds cliche, but it's not, really. You can choose to have a family celebration later, if you so choose. My H and I chose to get married for legal purposes a year before our "actual" wedding. It was just the 2 of us and the justice of the peace (contrary to popular belief, one witness is enough in most states, dunno about outside the US). Since only one set of parents could be there, we didn't want to hurt the other set's feelings and just got it over with as quickly as possible, NOBODY invited. It was actually quite romantic with just the 2 of us, nobody knowing what date or when, and really pretty fun. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I can tell you how much both my wife and I wish we had told no one and just ran off and eloped. Link to post Share on other sites
Mauschen Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I've had 2 weddings and both had some drama and both cost a lot of money. Eloping sounds much better! Link to post Share on other sites
Pathan Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
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