Mum & brother trying to get baby taken away from me!!

[Miss_G]

I recently split from my partner and have been having a really rough time. I have always had a bad relationship with my brother, who has anger problems since we lost our dad 10 years ago. He takes all his frutration out on me and has done for years. I'm a fiesty person and give as good as I get verbally, which probably doesn't help. He is physical though and only a few months ago actually bashed my head against a wall. It was hard shove and I lost my balance but the bump was huge and painful for days. He also gave me a black eye and kicked me in the stomach. This is when he really 'loses it'.

My mum is up and down with depression (after my dad died) and has this 'things are always worse for me' performance which is irritating as hell, especially when you are having it hard at the time.

I have been living back at my mums since relationship ended 6 months ago and things have been awkward and tense. My brother does not want me here. He loves Josh but HATES me with a passion. Why, I will never know. He says it's just my 'character'. I don't give in easily and I do have a nasty temper but I am a verbal and screaming arguing, not physical.

I have been raising baby since split, with help from mum. I do the bulk of it though, mornings, nights, cooking, nappies, paying for childcare. Everything. She cares for him whilst I worked and will sometimes take him to a playgroup. She has just semi-taken over from his dad.

The problem is, we are constantly arguing and me and brother HATE one another. He makes life unbearable at the house and I have contemplated many times renting somewhere, rubbish or not, that I can afford so I no longer have to be here.

I have been admittedly going out much more often with friends but only on evenings when baby is asleep in bed and I have gotten him to sleep. On the odd occasion he's not asleep my mum will do it if I'm getting picked up say. Shes always said shes happy to do this and I need my friends to get over split. I still get up with baby everything morning regardless or whether I'm home at 9pm, 1am or 4am!! (I never come in at 4am, thats just for emphasis!!) My son is happy, healthy and well cared for by me.

However, tonight my brother has turned on me again. It was all caused by a petty arguement between me and mum that got out of control. I was so angry at her as I was going out with a friend I hadn't seen for months. I had hoped to get baby to bed (arranged late cinema viewing) but he was struggling to settle. Mum was happy to take over but then went 'off on one' storming off and leaving me to take care of baby minutes before friend arrived. I did so, fed him, clothed him and got him in bed. I angrily thanked her for ruining my evening but put my son to bed as usual. I missed the cinema showing and had to let friend down. She later says 'so, you not going out then?' very smugly. I was more upset than angry. I am having a rough time and she had heard me talk of how excited I was to catch up all day.

Brother got involved again and suddenly a huge fight breaks out. I was carrying drink to bed when brother says, "you're a bad mother, a really bad mother". This, any mum will know when you slog your guts out is hurtful, beyond infact, and admittedly, I lost it and threw drink over him (quite funny now actually!) He, however, got violent. He didn't hurt me badly but shook me up terribly. Thank God baby was in bed!!!

I pretended to call the police to calm situation, all the time mum is sat there saying 'you STUPID girl'. Me?? And how exactly? Yes, throwing a drink is a bit stupid but her son had just assaulted me!

The next thing I know they are in the kitchen discussing how they are going to get the baby taken off me. Brother was saying "I'll make sure he's taken off her, she's out of her mind, she's not stable" to which my mum replied, "well just don't let it stop me seeing him". No concern for having the baby I've sweat blood for for the last year and a half!! I was distraught as I could hear them plotting and started to think two against one left me hopeless.

I rang my sister almost hyperventilating to which he assured me they would not be able to take baby as she would vouch that I am a good mother. I am currently looking for accomodation elsewhere as I overheard them saying that the sooner I am out the better. My mum takes brothers side in EVERY arguement and I feel supportless in this house. I can't believe they would even consider trying to take my son when he means the world to me!!

[Miss_G]

What I forgot to mention. What is the likelihood of him being taken from me? I worry that they will make out my nights out with friends are me being a raging alcoholic when really I am a girl in her early 20's who's just split up with her boyfriend and is just having fun with friends to get over it. I love my son and care for him well. I pay for him and make sure he has nothing but the best. Just because I go out with friends doesn't make me a bad mother does it??

[fooled once]

IMHO, you need to quit the going out all the time and spend that time taking care of your baby. That is YOUR child that you need to be taking care of, not your mom's.

 

I cannot believe you continue to live in a place that is violent, especially with a baby.

 

Get out now. You and your brother are toxic with each other. Your child should NOT have to be living in this environment.

 

People break up all the time - do not use that as an excuse for going out all the time.

 

This is your child - not your mother's or your brothers.

 

Can they get the baby taken from you? I highly doubt it, although I do not know where you live. In the states, the mother has to be proven to be unfit or abusing the child. You don't sound unfit and you are trying to take care of your child, but you need to put your child's needs above your partying desires. Yes, you are young, but time to grow up since you chose to have the baby. Your days of "fun first" are over.

 

Get away from your brother before he takes his anger on you out on your child.

 

As for your mom, maybe she sees you as spoiled and selfish? Maybe she sees you as using her for 'babysitting' while you can go have fun? Who knows...only she knows.

 

Don't get wrapped up in revenge on your brother or making your mom take your side. Put your child's needs FIRST and that means NOT living in a war zone.

 

Is your child's father supporting him financially? If not, get that taken care of. Get a custody arrangement done.

 

I am not sure if I would allow your son to be unsupervised at your mom's house - if she wants to see her grandchild, she will need to come to your place until you are 100% sure your brother won't hurt the child. I am stunned that you continue to live in a place where you have been beaten/assaulted by your brother and NO ONE does anything. Next time he lays hands on you, call the police!!!

[bentnotbroken]

Your child is in a dangerous situation. You really need to be looking for another place and maybe take some parenting classes.

[Omei]

First off don't let anyone tell you that going out and enjoying yourself while you have a child is wrong.

 

We parent's need a break and its normal to have your mother or "someone you trust" to relieve you from your duties, you're not super woman.

 

But it doesn't seem like your mother is very supportive and your brother is abusive, I wouldn't leave my child with them for a second.

 

I would find other temporary living, got any close friends willing to help?

 

Staying in this situation is very damaging on a growing child even if they can't speak or walk yet. They can sense the stress and upset, you don't want them growing up in this situation learning that this is how people act.

 

I would even look into perhaps some woman's shelter's that you can stay at with your child, while you get on your feet.

 

I wouldn't worry about your child being taken away from you with that abusive boy in the house, there's no way a baby will be taken and placed with them, but if you stay in that house with them and not try to get out you don't want the baby removed from the house & you, because you haven't left the situation, please make a move to leave.

 

Record and picture your bruises if you feel it's necessary as a back up to your story or if you need some kind of proof for whatever reason in the future. Protect yourself and your baby good luck.

Edited March 6, 2011 by Omei