are my parents abusing me?

[sportsloving]

Originally posted by sportsloving

But also aren't you the one who posted because you wanted us to tell you that your parents were mean for NOT letting you ride in the cars with your friends? I am not going to step in this puddle, if YOU feel you are being abused, YOU should call the child protection services.

 

I am not trying to be mean or judgemental, but I do realize that there are two sides to every story and sometimes teenagers think their parents are unreasonable. I remember the days well, almost too well I thinks.

 

I wonder alot of things of this situation, and the only person who knows the full scoop is you... if you sincerely feel that your parents (father) are being overly inappropriate to you, there are many places you can call and many who will help.

 

I wish you tons of luck~

 

 

 

I read a part of your diary, and I still stand by what I posted earlier. If you feel your parents are abusive, turn them in to the authorities.

 

I remember the days, I remember the feelings, and I must say, I was alot like you. The only road you are headed is a very painful one ... best of luck and may your ship change course.

[ladyangel]

Wow - I see you HAVE changed your journal entries. How interesting.

[sportsloving]

Yep, its funny the things I read a minute ago are now gone... hmmm invisible typing!

[ladyangel]

I had to buy my own food for 2 weeks over the summer.

Why? Where did the money come from? Do you have a job?

...getting my cell phone back (he took my last 2 because I talked too much).

Must be hell being you. After all, you're 16 so you DESERVE a cellphone, right? And who pays for it? hmm

Oh and get this, I got bitched at because I wanted to get my permit on my birthday, as opposed to getting it a week later and being able to stay in Vegas for 4 more hours!! There is an early flight in the morning, which would allow us to spend the whole day in Vegas. OR. There is a midday flight, which would allow me to get my permit in the morning and we would arrive in Vegas later that day. Hm, aren't first days usually a drag anyway? Well, evidentally I was being unreasonable for wanting my permit on my ****ing birthday. Oh yes Susanna, so ****ing immature of you. I HAVE NEVER HAD A ****ING GOOD BIRTHDAY!!!

Oh no...you don't come off as a spoiled brat at ALL.

Last birthday: I went to Lazer Blaze with Scott (my boyfriend at the time), Jessica, Kassie, Patrick, and Jack. I brought some alcohol to help ease the fun.

 

Patrick and I whipped about the Dramamine and swallowed 10, instead of the intended 1-2. After 20 minutes, we couldn't feel anything with the recommended OD of 6 (we didn't read the label that said it takes at least 45 minutes for effects to take action). So we popped 4 more in.

This speaks for itself.

Hm so today I stayed home from school because I wasn't feeling quite up to par (aka like ****). So I slept until 12:00. At 2:00 I went to Target with my momma and got a hella cute bathingsuit. Then I went to the tanning bed for my 2nd time ever. 10 whole minutes whoopy! I need at least 12 minutes next time cause I'm still not that much tanner, just some coloring in the cheeks.

SO mistreated.

 

I could go on but it's pointless and I have better things to do with my time.

 

Susanna, bear in mind that when you post a link to your site you should expect that people will read it and form opinions, especially if what you say here doesn't jive with what you say there. Also, a word of warning: You really shouldn't post the name of the school you go to and your full name on the internet. Very dangerous. Take care of yourself...nobody else is going to. Be responsible for your actions.

[zanna]

Originally posted by ladyangel

Wow - I see you HAVE changed your journal entries. How interesting.

 

evidentally what i had written wasnt clear. so i changed them to make them more clear... how is that interesting?

[zanna]

Originally posted by sportsloving

Yep, its funny the things I read a minute ago are now gone... hmmm invisible typing!

 

theyre all there just elaborated on

[zanna]

job - yes. i babysit for little kids.

 

cell phone - im driving. most ppl that drive hav cell phones so they can get in touch with ppl if theyre in a bad situation. i paid for it.

 

permit - my parents originally told me i couldnt get my permit until summer. when they changed their minds and said i could get it on my birthday i was so excited. then they changed their minds again and said i couldnt get it for a week or more - they change their minds alot. of course i was gonna be bummed. this was my first good birthday.

 

pills - again. i wont deny i had my problems and experimented with things. that was a one time deal. as you can see it isnt mentioned in the journal again.

 

sick day - i hadnt had a sick day from school all year. my mom was going to target - i got in the car. she bought me a bathing suit for my birthday. she was going to the tanning bed so i went with her. i bought the minutes and lotion for my mom and me since she bought the bathing suit. nothing i did that day inconvenienced her.

 

name - I dont put my full name on the internet. just Susanna and Zanna.

 

Take care of yourself...nobody else is going to.

Plenty of people care for me and would like for to be apart of their family. My 2 best friend's families and boyfriend's family have offered housing and love to me. They have even talked to my parents about it but they refuse to have me out of their house.

 

Point: Are you saying that I deserve to be hit by bathroom doors? be pinned against walls? and shoved to the floor? Should I be called fat? useless? and not worthy of lving?

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by zanna

evidentally what i had written wasnt clear. so i changed them to make them more clear... how is that interesting?

Oh the entries were clear...perfectlly clear....until you did a little creative editing tonight.

[zanna]

Originally posted by ladyangel

Oh the entries were clear...perfectlly clear....until you did a little creative editing tonight.

 

My entries mean the exact same thing. Yes they are phrased differently - so people like you wouldnt take everything the wrong way.

 

You still have not acknowledged that I have never done drugs or had any form of sex, as you said earlier that I had.

 

You still have not answered my question. Are you saying that I deserve to be hit by bathroom doors? be pinned against walls? and shoved to the floor? Should I be called fat? useless? and not worthy of lving?

 

Are you avoiding the facts because you sympathsize with my parents? Yes, I was a rebeling teenager, until someone saved. But I rebeled for a reason. My parents were never aware of what went on.

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by zanna

evidentally what i had written wasnt clear. so i changed them to make them more clear... how is that interesting?

Oh they were perfectly clear...until you decided to do a little creative editing tonight.

[dyermaker]

Whoa!

 

It distresses me that this girl isn't given the benefit of the doubt. She's soliciting advice, not an investigation, if you can't believe her, don't post on the thread, but she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, lying or not.

 

It seems to me as if we're placing more emphasis on 'winning' the post, rather than helping the poster.

[zanna]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Whoa!

 

It distresses me that this girl isn't given the benefit of the doubt. She's soliciting advice, not an investigation, if you can't believe her, don't post on the thread, but she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, lying or not.

 

It seems to me as if we're placing more emphasis on 'winning' the post, rather than helping the poster.

 

Thank you! I opened my journal to this thread so that others could help me, to see what I go through and how I react. I did not intend for this to lead to others critisizing me and saying I deserve what I get. Again, I have never been told that... ever... by anyone (accept my parents). Lying is not an issue - I don't mean to go all Christian but I don't believe in it. If you've noticed in my journal - I get caught doing most of the things I do wrong. If people ask me something I will give them the straight answer.

[zanna]

Originally posted by ladyangel

Oh they were perfectly clear...until you decided to do a little creative editing tonight.

 

Again you ignored my response,

 

My entries mean the exact same thing. Yes they are phrased differently - so people like you wouldnt take everything the wrong way.

 

You still have not acknowledged that I have never done drugs or had any form of sex, as you said earlier that I had.

 

You still have not answered my questions. Are you saying that I deserve to be hit by bathroom doors? be pinned against walls? and shoved to the floor? Should I be called fat? useless? and not worthy of lving?

 

^^I believe that is the issue at hand - NOT who is right and who is wrong^^

 

Are you avoiding the facts because you sympathsize with my parents? Yes, I was a rebeling teenager, until someone saved. But I rebeled for a reason. My parents were never aware of what went on.

[dyermaker]

I haven't read your journal, in fact, I usually distance myself from trauma threads. DA's (both of them) posted heartrending stories of their personal abuse stories, opening themselves up to the community, and demonstrating their courage, but I found myself without anything to say.

 

I've been blessed with a near-perfect life, or at least the ability to stop my minor traumas here and there from bothering me.

 

Zanna, you don't deserve any of this, not the clear-cut abuse you get at home, and not the pious condemnation you're getting here. There are posters here, I'm certain of it, who could offer something to help you, even if it's not in the most attractive package. My mother, in an attempt to help me through whatever was bothering me, always said: "Don't let the bastards get you down"

 

Zanna, don't let them. Keep your head up, and don't be afraid to seek help, even if we're not the place that can give it to you. Also, feel free to PM me.

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Whoa!

 

It distresses me that this girl isn't given the benefit of the doubt. She's soliciting advice, not an investigation, if you can't believe her, don't post on the thread, but she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, lying or not.

 

It seems to me as if we're placing more emphasis on 'winning' the post, rather than helping the poster.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt until I started reading some of the things in her journal, which have now magically disappeared.

 

I GAVE her advice -- that she needs to seek counselling.

 

Dyer - last time I checked we were ALL allowed to post on any thread we wanted, whether we agreed with everybody or not. I'm surprised at you.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by ladyangel

Dyer - last time I checked we were ALL allowed to post on any thread we wanted, whether we agreed with everybody or not.

Forgive me if I implied that the contents of your posts were not allowed, I was making a value assesment of our responses, not a policy assesment. Your comments affected me, I didn't want her to feel as if she had no place to go while being abused, since I'm sure there are posters out here somewhere who will give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Your advice is excellent, but not exactly practical for her.

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Forgive me if I implied that the contents of your posts were not allowed, I was making a value assesment of our responses, not a policy assesment. Your comments affected me, I didn't want her to feel as if she had no place to go while being abused, since I'm sure there are posters out here somewhere who will give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Your advice is excellent, but not exactly practical for her.

That's YOUR opinion and you're entitled to it. I'm glad I'm entitled to mine also.

 

Love ya Dyer

[dyermaker]

Right back at ya, are you feeling better about your identity issues?

[jenny]

just wanted to add my voice to those urging you to get counseling - particularly family counseling.

 

there are definitely serious, serious, issues here, and it is enough to warrant intervention by an outside and objective party.

 

i agree there is no way any parent should address their children in that manner. that said, i imagine some of us have undergone similar, if not worse, treatment, and without the extensive monetary benefits - this might colour response a little bit. it colours mine, to be honest. a counselor will not bring any of that baggage to the table.

 

the important thing is that you, zanna, as a new young adult, take responsibility over yourself as much as you can. you are not the sum total of what your parents nor johnny think you are. you are your own person, and i think you are a person who is asking for more help than we can provide you.

 

perhaps you can use the checklists for emotional abuse and a list of the activities done to you and bring them first to a school counselor, who can probably refer you further. if you are honest and straightforward about your own participation in what is happening in the family dynamic, and s/he can likely help you.

 

maybe your parents can change. maybe they can't. what you have control over here, until you are out of the house, are your actions and your choices.

[JonC]

I can't believe you Ladyangel!

 

For a start, ever considered that any child engaging in sex, drugs or alcohol abuse might be doing it BECAUSE of their parents, not in spite of them? A lot of people who abuse alcohol and drugs do so to escape the feelings of worthlessness passed on to them by their bullying parents.

 

Zanna obviously suffers emotinally, she wouldn't cut herself or OD on pills if she didn't. My girlfriend has for a long time cut as a way to cope with the crap she went through as a child, she also tried to commt suicide a few years ago. It's plain to me that Zanna is depressed, and your attitude is actually more like the abusers out there than someone trying to help on a forum.

 

Zanna, your dad is being very unpleasent to you. THIS IS NOT RIGHT

A loving parent shouldn't need to bully their children.

 

Zanna, maybe you should look into family couselling? It doesn't sound like your dad would go though.

 

Don't let your boyfriend tell you not to do things. I made this mistake with my girlfriend, I took away her coping mechanism without having given her an alternative. Talk to him, and listen to him. But make sure any changes in the way you deal with things are your decision.

 

Talk to your GP too - anti-depressants are pretty good these days and can take the edge of while you sort things out.

 

I know from my girlfriend's experience that a bullying parent is difficult to escape from. You'll have to work that out for yourself - be it moving to a relatives, friends or going to college. The most imprtant things is to remember that it is your dad who has the problem, he is obviously feeling out of control as a parent. If you talk to him he might understand, but he might not.

 

Don't listen to ladyangel, she doesn't understand.

 

Be strong, let Johnny help you, and don't let narrow minded people get to you.

[mommy of 3]

Look, I know it seems like the things he says are cruel, and mean, but the fact that he gave you a car in the first place and allows you to have a phone, and "allows" you to see this boy that he doesnt approve of, proves that he does care for you quite a bit. He may not know how to appropriatly express his dislikes about the things that he see's you do, and like it or not, you are his child, and he could be doing a lot worse legally, and without it being considered abuse. I think you do acceptable in school, but if i were your parent, and i felt like you could do better, i would push you to do so. You sound like you have some problems of your own, and it is not uncommon for families to go through this in the teenage years when it is hard for a parent to judge what is too much, and what is not enough. Every parent is unsure of themselves at this point in time, and it is hard to guage what is too harsh when you are upset. Unfortunately teenagers have a natural tendancy to rebel. Try talking with your father. wait until he is in a good mood, and tell him that it hurt your feelings. He may just be so desperate to make sure that you are a good kid, and turn out to be a good adult that he overdoes it, and doesnt even realize it. Remember, everyones not perfect. As to the spoiled part, you do sound like you get a lot of priveliges, but in my opinion, you only get 1 childhood, and its a parents job to make sure that its as good of one as they can provide, and it sounds like he tries to do that, but may have some stress that you dont know about. It is easy for a parent to feel like the child doesnt appreciate the things that the parents do to make sure that the childs life is a good one, and sometimes they wrongfully vent that on the child. Just remember that when your teenage years come, and the teenager is drinking and doing drugs, and mentally depressed, it is hard on the parent too. Some therepy would do your family some good, and may even give you an opportunity to tell your dad how he makes you feel.

[whats wrong with me]

You sound like a typical teenager to me. I do think your dad's being mean, but if you stand in his shoes he see's his attractive daughter dating a boy/man? who is soon to be on his own. You can't hardly blame your dad for being upset.

 

I guess you have to look at how your parents are. what does your mom say?

 

has your dad always acted like that or only since you started growing up? You sound like you could go a long way (brains) your dad probably just wants you to pay more attention to academics than your social life..I'm sure most parents do.

 

Just try to bear with it or maybe you have a relative close you could stay with some (maybe your aunt needs alot of "help" around the house)

 

PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO DONT CALL SOCIAL SERVICES. That kind of thing can really wreck your future. Some foster parents have no business taking care of anyone.

 

From personal experience I was about 2 years younger than you and my Dad did the exact same thing and I was doing the same things you are (NOTHING). I ran away. Social Services took me from home to live with foster parents. I've never been the same. I also wasn't into studying ( how much of that stuff do you really need) Needless to say I quit school at 16 moved in with my 17 year old boyfriend, and later became pregnant.

Where before I ran away,I was in accelerated classes at school w/ usually B

average grades, I became a statistic. Teenage, unwed mother working for $4.25 an hour. Although I worked my butt off to get away from that the cycle has started again with my kids. I yelled at my 11 year old son, who I love more than I can express, and said "GDit if you dont bring your you homework home tonight your'e gonna be in big _SS trouble" and I went on for a while. He ran away (only to a friends house a few houses away but still)

 

Looking back I can see my Dad was looking out for me the only way he knew how. I know this is stereotype, but can you imagine you Dad having you set on his lap, giving you kisses telling you how wonderful you are. That is what alot of men do with their young children. If he did that to you now that your 16 you might really wonder about calling Social Services!!

 

Just try to look at it as if you were in your DAD's shoes. I bet this same thing happens to alot of smart pretty girls..