Continuous guilt surrounding my relationships.

[bluejazz78]

Over the past 2 weeks my self esteem has taken a dramatic dive and Im rather emotional.

 

I am a 32 year old female who battles to maintain an intimate relationship with the opposite sex. Friends view me as intelligent, friendly and eager to help others. A few years ago I returned to the family home after working abroad. I have been engaged twice but after feeling unsettled about things, I soon ended each one.

Throughout my twenties, I have been the one to end the relationships due to guilt, most of them last a few weeks to a couple of years.

I am currently in a relationship of 4 months which Im trying hard to prevent a similar outcome.

 

Looking back my mother has found fault with each boyfriend without much reason. Each subtle disapproving signal later turned into disguist. My fairly neutral father, soon became rather cautious of the suitor due to my mother’s reactions.

With each situation, I was made to feel uncomfortable, “dirty” and ashamed, hence it was often easier to end it in order to keep the peace at home. I often regretted it.

During my first engagement, my father told me that he thought I could be ruining my life and that he would not be attending the wedding. My fiancée at the time was 8 years older, well respected by friends and had done well for himself. At the age of 23, my parents thought I was too young for marriage.

 

Unfortunately this is not the only area of my life affected my critism. I have a younger sister who has done very well for herself. She has a well paid job, a beautiful home and she and her husband are expected a child soon. I am happy and very proud of her.

Unfortunately since our teens, throughout University and even now we are constantly being compared. We may have chosen different career paths, myself medical science and her, law but I find this rather hurtful and tiring.

 

How do I re-build my confidence and morale? Where to from here?

Edited February 23, 2011 by bluejazz78
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