It it ever going to work?

[Wanting_More]

I have been married to my husband for almost two years and we have a 16 month old daughter together. I think for anyone to understand my situation i will need to start from the beginning. I met (lets say his name is Bob) and right away we hit it off we dated for 6 months and i found out i was pregnant, this is where i first started too notice his lack of a better word selfishness. At four months i miscarried the baby and Bob acted like it was no big deal. I went through the whole thing alone and often he would joke about our situation. Well long story short a few months later i was pregnant agian and two months after that i miscarried again. Same situation i was alone but this time was different too our SURPISE I had been pregnant with twins and i had only miscarried one. So we got married and soon after he went to work in another state. When he was around he wouldn't go to doctor appointments with me i was constantly begging him to be a part of the pregnancy. He left to go back to Colorado a week after my daughter was born so i was left alone again to take on the challenge of parenthood. When he was in town he didn't help with my daughter he never offered to give me a break, change a diaper, and i would honestly have to force her in his arms for him to even hold her. He was always more concerned with watching tv then ever thinking about our needs. And in his eyes he thinks that he is doing enough because he makes the money.

So now that you have a background of the story i will get to the point of the present day situation. Bob now works in North Dakota and my daughter and i moved up here about a yr ago. And from the moment we moved up here i have felt so alone. The first 9 months we lived up here i probably saw my husband a total of a month he would work 36 hrs at a time ( I know hard to beleive right) and he would come home and sleep for 3 hrs and go right back too work. And when he was around he ignored me and my daughter. He would come home and get right on the computer and stay on it until he went too bed. My daughter would do everything too get his attention she simply just wanted him to play with her. So i find out that he has been looking at porn and in that discovery i find lie after lie after lie. He lies about every day things something you would never have to lie about but he does. I caught him red handed looking at porn and he lies. So anyways Porn is the least of the problems its the lies. And he has gotten to be very disrespectful. When i cry because of his actions he gets mad at me. Like for example He called me a bunch of horrible names and as a result i starting crying and we were laying in bed and he rips the covers off of me and tells me if i am going too cry then too get the Hell out. At this point and think its good too inform you that anytime there is a fight or argument or disagreement he always brings up the D word... So after constantly being told he wanted a divorce I am starting too think that that is truely what he wants because obviously it is on his mind. So i leave for a few days and he calls and agrees to work on being a better husband and dad. Well this situation is a broken record he is still lying he is still down right disrespectful and he is the most selfish person i have met. And I am at point where i dunno if i can take it anymore. HE has sworn to never look at porn again or lie too me but i am having a hard time believing him and i am resentful too him because i have givin up everything for him so he can follow his dreams but he isn't willing too support my dreams. How do i honestly give him a shot too change because at this point I cant even stand to talk to him because everything he says too me i think is a lie.

In conclusion i just want him too come home and spend time with me and his daughter but thats not the case no matter how many times i have asked him to not get on the computer or to turn off his phone it doesn't seem too matter because it seems to be the only thing important too him.

Work and Money are his only priorities.

Should i leave or keep trying?

[TigerCub]

Sorry for your troubles sweetie

 

Couple of questions:

How old are you guys?

 

Did he marry you just because you were pregnant (the baby survived the miscarriage)?

 

Did you have to talk him into the whole marriage deal?

 

When you saw that he was unsupportive of you (during the first miscarriage) why did you stay with him. I mean, yeah what's done is done, but you can't really be so surprised at how he is now - its how he's always been all along.

 

I personally think that he's obviously not into the marriage (sorry)

and he probably married you because he knocked you up. If he's not into it, chances are he's not going to invest in making it work.

 

I think its really sad that he neglects your daughter, but if he stays this way - maybe it would be best to leave him.

 

Sorry that you're hurting.

Good luck

[Lucky_One]

Sometimes relationships don't work out, and sometimes they shouldn't be saved.

 

I am sorry to say that I think this is one of them. He doesn't sound as though he wanted to have a baby at all, and only married you because you were pregnant. Now that there is a baby, he isn't emotionally invested in either of you. I am guessing he is saying that he will be a better H and father is so that he doesn't have to pay CS or possible spousal support.

 

Do you know in this entire post you have never said that either of you ever loved each other? Without love as the most basic of foundations, marriages (or any type of healthy LTR) don't do very well.

[Wanting_More]

There is love and there will always be love! And to answer another question we were going to get married before we found out we were prego. Looking back at the relationship when we were dating I recognize red flags in his behavior but I was blinded by love. I think what it comes down to is he is very self centered truly only thinks about him self. And I am starting to think you can't teach someone to think of others before themselves.