I was never said when any of my grandparents died... and its not repression

[J200]

What psychological disorder do you think I have if I never really loved any of my family members? Maybe I love them a little bit but not a lot. I don't care for any of my family like other people do. I don't think I'm a psychopath because I would never murder anyone or commit a crime, I just don't really love any of my family members and I don't get sad when any of them die. It's not repression or "repressing grief" because for example, I wasn't sad either when my grandmother (who lived with me for like 10 years) died either. It was a few years ago and never affected me. I just forgot about it. I never felt I had to return her love just because she loved me and I just never felt much for her or loved her (even when she was alive). If anything I found her excessive concern very overbearing and I still feel that way as an adult.

 

It's not the "stages of grief " thing either. It was like "ok, their dead" and I thought about it for a few days and felt kinda bad but after a few days I forgot and never really cared.

 

I'm scared I won't be sad when my parents die either. I know they say that "everyone deals with grief differently" but for me, I never grieved. I just didn't really care and I don't know why.

 

I'm 32 now. My grandfather died this morning but I don't feel sad at all. When I was younger I used to visit him on the weekends and be bought me school stuff.

 

What psychological disorder is this? I know I am extremely anti social and I dislike people in general... I don't think me not caring is a bad thing because it doesn't affect my life; I function fine. I just wonder why I was never able to form a bond or attachment to my family.

 

It's weird because I am capable of romantic love. I cried a ton and had a ton of emotion towards ex bf's when they left me etc but no feeling at all for my family.

Edited February 24, 2011 by J200

[J200]

Yeah...a robot can function without emotions too but it doesn't make the robot seem very HUMAN does it?

 

Has anything ever made you sad? Not all psychopaths are murderers. Seems you have extreme emotional detachment from people, including your close family. I would ask, what abuse did you suffer as a child, and if you suffered none, what substances did your mother take when she was pregnant?

 

I was never abused and my mom never used drugs ever. She slapped me a few times in the face when I was a kid if I used foul language at her or whatever but I'm Asian so that's probably common. My mom is schizophrenic though (hears voices) so mental illness does run in the family. However, I never hear voices. My mom wasn't abusive but she wasn't the best mom. I didn't get to wear the "cool" clothes when I was young and she gave me a bowl hair cut (resulting in me getting picked on a lot when I was younger). She was probably neglectful emotionally (unintentionally) but I was never really "abused". However, I didn't get what most other kids did; never got my own car at 16, never had parents who paid for college, was never "spoiled". Never had a close relationship with my mom either; we never talked when I was a teenager and we still don't talk to this day (I moved out at 18 and never looked back). I never had much friends growing up though and was always a loner. When I was young (like kindergarten/elementary young) I remember being bullied and picked on a lot.

 

Things that make me sad; not making as much $ as before, owing money to the IRS, having to go to work 8-5 for someone else (used to earn a lot with my own business before it tanked). Getting older makes me sad (I'm vain). Thinks like denting my car accidentally makes me sad, if I lost my makeup bag (Chanel, Dior it's all good stuff!!) I would be sad. Sometimes I miss my best friend (we're no longer friends) and I get sad; I can imagine myself crying if she dies. My ex bf's made me sad (one left me without saying a word, I was traumatized for a long time). I can cry for hours when I think of unrequited love (with guys) or ex bf's who disappointed me in some way.

 

Yea probably the thing that makes me cry the most is unrequited love or thinking about ex bf's and how they screwed me over. I also used to cry a lot when I started making less money form my business and had to look for a job working for someone else. That was terrible.

Edited February 24, 2011 by J200

[wbr4p]

hmmm

me and my friend discussed that some people like..a certain type of asian (i wont mention cause its racist) barely has emotional feelings. they are good in business and such, but thats about it. i dont think they say "i love you" like as much as regular people do.

 

altho i dont think its a mental disorder but you probably have been with these people too much, so when they left (for dead) it was like just a normal phase of life.

 

also emotions are probably overrated, a lot of people have lost their jobs or have killed someone jsut because of overwhelming surge of emotions that they cant control, they let emotions take over their lives..and i wish i was not an emotional person. i prefer to be stone cold and practical than what i am now.

Edited February 26, 2011 by wbr4p

[Mme. Chaucer]

hmmm

me and my friend discussed that some people like..a certain type of asian (i wont mention cause its racist) barely has emotional feelings. they are good in business and such, but thats about it. i dont think they say "i love you" like as much as regular people do.

 

Um, that was racist. This "certain type of asian" is not "regular people"?

 

OP, are you disturbed by your emotional disconnections with family and evidently with your friends? Why don't you get some therapy and see if you can get to the root of it. I would not be surprised if having a schizophrenic mother had an effect on your ability to form emotional attachments. Not because her mental illness "runs in the family" and so you have it, or some other mental illness yourself, but because she may have been unable to give you and to model familial love.

[sally4sara]

Maybe you just recognize that death is a natural part of life and when an older person dies its really not an unexpected thing. The older someone you know gets, the more you're aware they will die soon, so maybe you mourn them little by little over the years and when they pass, there isn't much emotional turmoil over it?

 

Imagine if you're granny had been brutally murdered when she was younger and you were just a kid - you'd probably have a much more extreme reaction to it.

 

I doubt I'm going to go into hysterics when my grandparents pass. They're old and its been a long time now since I've been aware they will one day die. I'm more sad that they linger on in the crappy situations they've reaped than I am over the idea that one day they will be released from it.

[Goldenspoon]

 

also emotions are probably overrated, a lot of people have lost their jobs or have killed someone jsut because of overwhelming surge of emotions that they cant control, they let emotions take over their lives..and i wish i was not an emotional person. i prefer to be stone cold and practical than what i am now.

 

How are you now? Like you would drop a spoon and start to cry or yell?

[J200]

Um, that was racist. This "certain type of asian" is not "regular people"?

 

OP, are you disturbed by your emotional disconnections with family and evidently with your friends? Why don't you get some therapy and see if you can get to the root of it. I would not be surprised if having a schizophrenic mother had an effect on your ability to form emotional attachments. Not because her mental illness "runs in the family" and so you have it, or some other mental illness yourself, but because she may have been unable to give you and to model familial love.

 

The Asian thing doesn't bother or offend me at all and I'm actually Asian. I'm Asian and I see that a lot of Asians probably aren't as loving as white folks probably and guard their emotions closer. It's true. (I speak from personal observation ans from being Asian myself).

 

I am not disturbed by emotional disconnections to be honest. It doesn't bother me much. I wish I had more casual girlfriends to go "party" with and go "clubbing" with or go to Vegas for fun girls night out but not so badly that I would want to seek therapy for it.

 

I agree with you though that she probably was unable to model familial love to me or perhaps she was in a depression when I was a baby.

[J200]

Maybe you just recognize that death is a natural part of life and when an older person dies its really not an unexpected thing. The older someone you know gets, the more you're aware they will die soon, so maybe you mourn them little by little over the years and when they pass, there isn't much emotional turmoil over it?

 

Imagine if you're granny had been brutally murdered when she was younger and you were just a kid - you'd probably have a much more extreme reaction to it.

 

I doubt I'm going to go into hysterics when my grandparents pass. They're old and its been a long time now since I've been aware they will one day die. I'm more sad that they linger on in the crappy situations they've reaped than I am over the idea that one day they will be released from it.

 

True. However, I don't know if I will feel much when my parents die either; like if my mom were to die now (she is not that old now, I think she is 66?) I actually don't know for sure how old she is but around there somewhere.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Um, that was racist. This "certain type of asian" is not "regular people"?

 

OP, are you disturbed by your emotional disconnections with family and evidently with your friends? Why don't you get some therapy and see if you can get to the root of it. I would not be surprised if having a schizophrenic mother had an effect on your ability to form emotional attachments. Not because her mental illness "runs in the family" and so you have it, or some other mental illness yourself, but because she may have been unable to give you and to model familial love.

 

Well you can distinguish types of people in all groups, whether or not is is provable, the poster was just pointing out a type they have noticed. Please don't jump on the PC bandwagon where 'everyone is the same'. There are differences between each of us.

[Tayla]

Please seek a professional diagnosis. This forum can support your matters and share experience, yet I sincerely think we owe it to the medical professionals to do the actual diagnosis and plan of treatment.

 

Just as some folks "over-react" there are folks that are emotionally detached and cannot empathize with fellow humans. SOme folks are more inclined to Intellectualize a matter and not ever reach the soulful level of life matters.

 

I agree that different "cultural" upbringing can play a factor in how one associates or disassociates on life matters.