Letting Go is Hard

[calithin83]

im sorry but i find it way to hard to let go..i really really love my bf/ex..dont know what to call him..i really love him and 3 years and 3 months..wow.>!! i just want more out of it..how can u let go of someone u love so much?? and who u have shared so much with , stuff u have never ever shared with anyone else? how can u let go when u almost feel like ONE with that person, like united!...its tough..and i dunno but letting go is like losing one own self..like losing half of ure heart, mind and body!!

[look forward]

You will have to for your own sanity in the end.. Its hard no one says its easy I was with my ex for nearly nine years and I eventually had to let go..feeling exactly like you did like i was being torn apart.. But there comes a time when you have to stop holding on and face reality.. it'll happen sooner or later .. I just hope for your sake its sooner...

 

Look forward to your future and let go of your past..

 

XXXX

[sinkerswim]

I know exactly how you feel.

I was with my boyfriend/fiance since 1995.

He was my very first love and I gave myself to him.

He asked me to marry him in 1999.

We had 8 solid years together.

We did EVERYTHING together.

One day, it all came crashing down... he said I never let him do anything without questioning him.

I felt like sh*t. I cried and cried and told him I was sorry and he forgave me..

He said he needed space for awhile to cool down.

Well, its now a month and a half later.

I wish he wouldnt have left me hanging like this after he said he wouldnt.

 

I miss him with every ounce of my being. This isnt right being without him.

I cry all the time...every single day.

My heart is very heavy. I cant let go either...because of the circumstances.

Somehow though..I still have faith that we will get back together..

Even if it takes a very long time.

 

He always told me nobody would treat him as good as I do.

I hope and pray every day that he comes back to me to talk at least.

This isnt like him. He is the love of my life.

I know how you feel.

Nobody will ever replace them.

They are truly special in our lives.

I thought we were going to grow old together...in fact, we talked about it often wth our ages!

He is 30 and I am 31.

He said...when Im 49...you will be 50 and I will make fun of you...

And we would laugh and joke about it.

I never thought in a million years that he would leave me.

I went to him with all my problems and he always helped.

Now, I need him the most...and hes not there.

How sad is that?

How can I never see him again? I guess we never know...

We have to take things one day at a time. But its sooo hard to do.

[Arabess]

Trying to make sense of all the love words and promises made DURING a relationship once it's over....drives all heartbroken people nuts. You keep spinning it around in your mind.....over and over.....with no answers. The bottom line is....it is no longer a truth. It is no longer the words you can find comfort or a future in. It's over.

 

The sense of loss is horrible, but it does get easier in time. Usually, the first 3 months are the worst. Afher that, you usually get a grip and begin enjoying life a little. The best thing is to find other ways to keep yourself busy than dwelling on it.

 

I used to have a tune I would hum, a totally silly tune, when I would think of 'him'. Eventually, I had control over the thoughts which would creep up and screw up my day. I just REFUSED to let my emotions be a victim to memories.

 

I'm not sure when it totally goes away.....but it sure does get better.

[look forward]

Sink I hear what your saying sweety and its so hard the only thing that you have to count on to make the pain a little easier is time.. Like Arabess said the first three months were a killer I could barely get out of bed.. I hardly ate and I constantly looked like I had been 10 rounds with Mike Tyson because my eyes were so puffy from crying..in fact i wondered where all the liquid came from I cried so much i never knew i had so many tears..

 

Now just over a year on from that I still feel the pain but I can handle it better i just feel sadness when I think of him now.. I am hoping in another year that sadness will go and I wont feel anything but its hard he was my first love to..

 

I wonder how long it takes to get completly over a breakup??

[tom_gbr]

Think everyone knows what you are going through. Its been 3 weeks now since my first love of six months broke it off. Im constantly thinking about her but the pain is getting less day by day. I just try and think of all the amazing times we had together and off how happy i made her.

 

I also know because of her being 16 and me being 20 we both want different things in life and i know when i was 16 i never thought of being with the same person for the rest of my life. I just feel really lucky that we were together for six months. I treated her like a goddess as well, took her to paris for the valentines day weekend and spent christmas with her as that has always been a bad time for her as thats when everything went wrong with her parents.

 

She has also had a lot of problems in the past which i think has affected the way she looks on relationships. The break up of her parents wasnt easy for her and she also suffered from anerexia as well.

 

It wasnt the easiest relationship to have. It was a two hour drive for me to go and see her, and i have to manage my time so carefully as im at university and i have a part time job. But of course doing this didnt bother me as she made it all worth while.

 

Our relationship finished over a normal phone call that went wrong three weeks ago and i saw her for the first time since then last wednesday. A lot of people said that i shouldnt see her as it would make things worse. But i think it was what i needed to accept the fact that we could only be friends and nothing more.

 

Im going to find the next couple of months really hard as before we broke up we had organised everything we were gonna do in the holidays, as the holidays were the main time we could see each other. I now have to face them knowing that im not going to be spending them with her.

 

We still txt each other now and then which is good. I havent actually spoken to her since the wednesday that i went to see her but i think ill give her a call sometime this week to see how she is.

 

People say that when you loose your first love it well get easier to deal with the break up of any other relationship that have have in the future. I hope this is true as i never wanna go through the pain again that i went through when our relationship ended.

[Samantha16]

well, I'm in the same boat as well. I had been with my guy for 3 years and he left me about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

 

Right now, I'm kind of ok. I'm just trying to have fun and not think about him. I think I will go into a depression if I find out he fools around with someone or that he has another girlfriend.

 

It's funny how the person that you were once closest to and loved the most in your life, can become the biggest stranger in the blink of and eye. It's so unfair. It's almost like dealing with a death.

 

I guess it does get easier. I know it will. I know I'll be okay and eventually get over this, as will you. But don't you hate the fact that that's the only advice we ever recieve? If we posted up that we have a bad cold, we could recieve advice to take a cough syrup that would clear it right up. But to post that we have a broken heart, all we ever hear is "I know it's hard but you will get over it in time." It IS the truth, but what we really want to hear is how to get them back, right? Well, I would love that.

 

You know what love is? It is a chemical that is released in your brain. I'm not sure what the medical term is for it, but it can last anywhere from a year to two years. So after that, it's not love, it's the feeling of farmiliarity and attachment. I haven't seen my ex since we broke up. By distracting myself, I don't think of him, and am slowly starting to forget. It takes me a few seconds to clearly picture his face. I will never forget him, but the need for him will soon dissapear. I know this. I had a few serious relationships. It's the best feeling when the feeling is no longer there. He is NOT the world. He is not your air, your life or your reason for life. He is only a man that will soon be a memory....a stage in your life that you will soon look back on with a whole different outlook. Maybe you'll even laugh about it.......

[sinkerswim]

Samantha..

I know what you mean about knowing a person sooo much and then its like they are a stranger in a blink of an eye. Thats really been bothering me.

Ive been with my boyfriend 8 years, and when he wanted his space (Which was Feb 3)

I now feel like a stranger to him.

But the truth is..we do know them. But we didnt know they could do this to us.

[jonathan]

Me and my girl broke up after 5 years together, it has been 4 weeks now and some days are good but other days are bad.

 

Look not to be a jerk but I really dont like it when People keep talking about " at the end, you will feel better." At the end of what? you will always love him. and It will always feel like you lost something special. but what you do now will change things. Deal with the problem now. take it day by day. that is what I'm doing. it is like I love her and hate her at the same time. I never thought that was possible but it is. nothing I or anybody can say to make you feel better. the only cure for these feelings is TIME. Time is your enemy and it is your friend.

 

Let it be your friend.......one day it will click in your head, not in the end cause there is no end, only a new chapter of your life. so start filling the pages.... be safe and happy if possible, i'm trying to.

[hurtingandconfused]

At the end...The first thought that came through my mind was Linkin Park-In the end. They said it best "What it meant to me will eventually be a memory...But in the end It doesn't even matter"

[sarah42]

Originally posted by Samantha16

 

It's funny how the person that you were once closest to and loved the most in your life, can become the biggest stranger in the blink of and eye. It's so unfair. It's almost like dealing with a death.

 

This statement is very, very true. I couldn't have summed it up better. That's exactly how I feel. I am feeling like me and my ex never even spoke, let alone met and went out for 2 and a half years. I think it's worse than dealing with a death. When I've dealt with death those people never did anything to hurt me and left me with wonderful memories. My ex left me with nothing. He has destroyed all my memories of the great times we had. It sickens me to think he is happy with someone else and has moved on. I CAN'T move on. I've tried soooooo hard. One minute he's asking me to marry him, the next minute he finished with me. Make sense of that if you can. I want to know how someone who loved you can hurt you SO much and not care.

[YssaBoo]

I don't have much time,I have to get to class,but I felt the same way.My bf broke up with me the week before VD and it was horrible. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship and he just wanted to be friends.We spoke for the first few days and than he turned weird,like it hurt to see me.Well after 4 weeks of this,I put the no contact rule into effect after he go really rude with me.I gave him the chance to either be decent or not call anymore,he emailed me back and totally avoided what I said. After a week of no contact(it killed me)he emailed me about his sis having a baby.Things seemed to get better after that.He called me a few times,but I was never home and he emailed me Sat.night to call him.I broke the no contact rule and called and we talked for 2 hours.The next day he came into work and asked me to go somewhere that night with him(he never came to where I worked when we were a couple). We had a good time and sat outside and just talked for an hour when we got home.Yesterday he called to go to the gym and it was nice.I feel like we are just starting over and maybe that's good.He told me the night on the phone that he heard a new song and wanted to know if I did.It's like he was trying to tell me to listen to it,because it's what he wanted to say.The song is "The Reason" by Hoobastank.Give it a listen,it's great.I hope that this will give some of you a reason to get on and have faith.I went to a psychic when we broke up and she told me things that only I would know and that I should give him time to deal with his family and his school and that is the main problem.She also said he would be in my life as we were older and we would have 2-3 kids and he would be in the medical field.I was in awe!! Pray every day and have faith that something good will come out of your situation.I never forget to give my problems to at night and this has been a blessing

[Veronika]

Trust in the Lord that you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be........this happened for a reason........everything happens for a reason.....sometimes we don't understand at first........but sometimes God's greatest gift is unanswered prayers.......

 

Keep busy........find yourself.......spend time with friends and family......be around people who really do care about you and who are supportive........

 

Time really does help to heal all wounds........the scars may still be there......but life experiences are a learning lesson.......learn from this!

[dazedandconfused]

I don't want to keep repeating what others are saying but it is absolutely "startling" to me that you can be with someone for over a year and then at the snap of a finger (because they need space) feel like they don't even know you after everything you have shared together. My girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship in which we talked daily and saw each other once to twice a week usually. Things were always fine but we didn't rush into anything and even though she started coming on stronger about her feelings, I took it for granted and didn't realize what it would be like to lose her.

 

She told me all the time that i was the greatest man she had ever met and then 3 weeks ago out of the clear blue, she stopped calling and when i went to find out was going on, she said she needed space and some time. I was really hurt and made attempts to call (no answer) , sent flowers and roses to her work with sweet messages telling her how much i missed talking to her and this went on for about 2 weeks. I got so frustrated that i just went up there to confront her and it's so strange how a house you have been to so many times and been so welcome, you feel like a stranger and an "outcast". We talked it out and i told her how much i realized that in the time away from her that i loved her and wanted so much for the opportunity to show her my feelings for her. I left that night with "hope".. Talked on the phone the next day once or twice and then the next day went back up to see her, and she didn't answer the door after repeated attempts and called the cops to have them tell me she didn't want me to call her or come by.

 

I have been devastated that once i found my feelings and that i realized what i wanted with her, that i don't get the opportunity to show her. I feel totally depressed and try so hard to not think about it but it seems impossible. I have only been on here a few days but love reading how the rest of you all approach your situations. I am going to meet her wishes and I sent one more letter through a friend to her stating that i will not bother her anymore and i hope her "space" leads her back to giving me the chance i want to have. Is this right thing to do? I thought by fighting for her and letting her know how much i wanted her was a good thing but didn't get me anywhere.