Sex and Weight Gain

[LSChic]

I'm not engaged or married but my bf and I just bought an engagement ring so I figured it would be okay for me to post this here.

 

My bf and I have been together for 3.5 years and we have amazing chemistry. We love each other very much. Also, from the start we had amazing sexual chemistry. Our sexual appetites match up perfectly. He's seriously the most amazing person I've been with sexually.

 

I have a mental health disability which I have been struggling with since I was 3 years old. I've tried nearly every medication on the market for my particular problem. About a year into our relationship, my doctors and I hit on a medication that worked. I felt completely normal. It really helped my relationship.

 

The problem was this particular drug is one of the most fattening things you can put in your body. Despite regular exercise and a strict diet, I gained 50lbs and 6 dress sizes. Obviously I was very upset by this, but being fatter was better than being depressed and psychotic.

 

I was on this drug for awhile and then I went off of it for insurance reasons. All of my problems came back and my relationship with my bf suffered greatly because he suddenly had to take care of me. It was hard to be a good partner to him because I was so mentally ill.

 

Throughout this whole ordeal, our sex life never faltered, even when I was sick we found good times to do it when I wasn't quite so sick.

 

Recently, I've been given the opportunity to go back on the drug. I've already started taking it again and the difference is like the difference between night and day. I'm happy again, I'm enjoying my life and my bf again, and I'm doing better in school.

 

I haven't lost any of the weight since the first time I was on this drug. I'm currently 180lbs and a size 12. The bf doesn't seem to mind too much and our sex life is continuing as it usually does. When I ask him about it he says things like "sure, I'd prefer that you lose some weight, but you're still the hottest woman I've ever been with."

 

I'm REALLY WORRIED about what's going to happen to my weight this time around. I go to law school now which means I have very little time to sleep, let alone hit the gym. I'm eating on a budget, which always makes it harder to eat well. I've consulted a nutritionist and she gave me some good tips, but I don't think that a regular diet is going to keep off the pounds.

 

Since we're getting engaged soon, I've been worried...what will happen if I gain another 50lbs? Will he still have sex with me? Will he still want to get married? He knows what this medication can do but he hasn't commented on it. When I ask him he just shrugs or changes the subject. I think the obvious answer is that he would stay with me but he wouldn't be as happy.

 

I'm not willing to (literally!) sacrifice my sanity for him to be completely satisfied but at the same time I want him to be happy with me.

 

I guess this is a question to the men (or women putting themselves in men's shoes): if your wife/partner was in a situation like this, what would you do? How would you feel about it? Diet/exercise more isn't an answer because I'm already dieting and hitting the gym as often as I can and I'm still gaining weight.

 

Thanks everyone!

[carhill]

What I would do is work with my wife/fiance, while she continues the current medication, to investigate new and different medications, experimenting as necessary, to try to find one which doesn't induce weight gain along with the beneficial effects. Meanwhile, I would support her and love her as she is.

 

My exW was 5'1" and 180lbs for most of our M (nothing to do with medications) and I had no problem loving her and finding her attractive. The decline of our M had nothing to do with her weight.

 

If I had to choose, and I say this as someone who's personally cared for a mentally ill person (not my exW), I'd choose the weight over the illness. I'd challenge her to achieve the best possible health she could and support her in her efforts. Marriage (since you're engaged or soon will will be) is a *team* effort.

 

Good luck

[Quiet Storm]

You should explain your concerns to your doctor.

 

I am not sure what medication you are on, but Wellbutrin can sometimes be taken in addition to your other medication. Adding this drug can counteract or lessen the sexual and weight gain side effects of SSRI's and some other psych meds.

 

This website http://psychcentral.com/drugs/ includes information about medications and includes patient reviews and a forum. Many people have the same problem that you have and maybe you can gain some insight by reading how others have handled this.