Could you trust your cheating husband

[sis69]

I have been married about 18 years. I was very young when I married him. But truly loved him. I had two kids with this man. He always worked 24-7 and I would complain that the money was not good enough to be away, from his family all the time. The kids and I both needed him. We all told him to quit working so much. He always flirted with all the women, my kids even noticed it and I always notice it. I would get very angry, and He knew it hurt me to know he was so in the open of doing this. I knew he knew it was wrong, because he would know right from the start I would get P-off. But it never stopped him. Former employees later told me that he had cheated on me. He denied it. I also caught him in so many lies, and he would get angry and then accuse me of cheating, this had been going on for 10 years. He even had his mother and sister's following me to work, or where ever I went. He later confessed his family had followed me. But this was so wrong, because I never did anything for him to have ever imaged I would step out on him. I felt this was okay, if he needed to know I truly loved him and would never cheat on him. I always, begged him to please give up the side work, we needed time to gather. But he says he would and never give it up. My family left me a little money, and I even bought him a 55,000.00 vehicle, and then later turned into a monster towards the kids and me. I then knew something was wrong when my kids noticed the same thing I did. I later put a voice activated recorder in his work truck, and I got back information he had been going to this titty bar, and he even described the women at the club to his co-worker, and said she was awesome. The next day when I played the tape back, I was in shock of my life, I confronted him about this, he told me he was just saying that to fit in with the guys, but he couldn't account for money he withdrew, and that was a lot of money. So I then knew with my whole heart that he had been with another women, He knew I knew! I then was on a hunch to find out the truth. I told him I was going to the doctor and I better not have a disease, or I would kill him! He then got worried, about a week later, I told him he had to leave, that I couldn't take it any longer. I said he needed to come clean and we could get through this. But I couldn't help him if he wasn’t truthful to me. He said If I tell you, you would leave me, and I don't want to lose you, I knew I was right, he had cheated. I then told him I would not leave him, if he told me the truth. But if not, he had to go. He said he would tell me his whole life history, I said oh my god, how long has he been cheating on me? Later that night he confessed to sleeping with a woman he met at the laundry mat and they screwed in his work van. Ya laundry mat, I thought to what was he doing at a laundry mat? He said he was washing his work shoes and work rags there. And this woman over heard us arguing on the phone and started conversation with him, and the next thing he knew she was sitting in his van and one thing led to another. Three months after I bought him, not me a 55,000. Vehicle. He said he didn't know if I loved him? Hello! I have found this women and she denies she knew him. But that is only because she is married to and lived around the corner of my home. No wonder my husband wanted to move so far away, and he asks me to have my number changed. I feel so betrayed, and distance from him now. I lost 38 pounds in 4 wks. This will tell you, I've been so hurt and feel like a fool and crazy women in front of his friends and co-workers. I felt as though I lost as being a mother and a wife and women. He probly told his friends and co-workers, which I have lost my mind, but I haven't for the sake of my God gifted daughters. They are my life. He was to, but I don't know how to trust him any longer. He still denies going to the titty bar. He only admits to have cheated one time and that was with this women. He swears to me, if I give him a chance he will show me a great husband. But that's all I ever wanted from him. He wouldn't talk to me about anythng, befor. He would avoid the kids and me as much as possible. He was angry all the time to us. He wants to renew our vowels; to show me he truly loves's me. Well I thought he truly loved me before. Help! Would or could you trust him again? Do you think he has been cheating for a while? I don't think he has come clean all the way. So this is why im having a bigger trust issue with him.

[Fedup&givingup]

I am in the same boat you are in. Things with my situation are a lot different, yet they are the same. What I mean by that, is my husband's moods have been altered at certain times, but not as constantly as yours have been.

 

There have been some strange things that have happened with my husband, and he swears up and down that he has NOT been with another woman, and he professes his undying love for me...it's a load of sh*t.

 

See, I have figured there is a reason for your husband to tell you about that time with the woman in the van. That was a time you didn't even know about or suspect, at all. He told you THAT for a reason. You know good and well he was seeing a stripper. I think him admitting that to you about the woman at the laundry mat shows that his level of infidelity runs much deeper than you would imagine.

 

I've come to realize this for myself also. Basically, as long as my back is turned, he's ready to play.

 

It's not up to me or anyone else to tell you whether you should trust your husband or not. I think you already know the answer. If he's been doing this for 10 long years, literally making you miserable and sick over it, you would amaze me if you said you could "trust" him again. I for one am going back to school in the fall. I plan on getting the h*ll out after I graduate.

 

Here's what...since my husband won't confess and admit to any of his ways, he knows I know. If you've made that a point with your husband, then the same thing applies. Well, in your case, if he says he doesn't want to lose you and all that, he knows you know also. I say if you want the nightmares to stop, and you want FREEDOM from living that life, then leave. It's something I don't think you could possibly regret. Living with a cheater like that, that just denies it all the time (no matter how strong the evidence you have) causes such mental trauma. It's NOT worth it. As long as you stay with him is as long as it will continue. That's my own personal opinion.

[zarathustra]

Would or could you trust him again? Do you think he has been cheating for a while? I don't think he has come clean all the way. So this is why im having a bigger trust issue with him.

 

 

He has not come clean. Life is not like "Penthouse Letters." I don't believe for a second that he happened to meet your neighbor at a laundromat(are there a shortage of washing machines and dryers in your neighborhood?) and they struck up a conversation and then had sex in his van. Yeah, I'm always getting laid when I go to Wal-mart. Those Wal-Mart shoppers...

 

He's having an affair with her and the tryst took place at the laundromat.

 

Your husband is a player, and your trust issues are well based.