Karlise Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I just want to mention that's exactly what my parents did. They were very unhappy for about 20 years' worth of their 31-year marriage. The finally split up when the fourth child (my brother) completed college. So this is what I remember about my parents' marriage and this was the relationship that I modelled my own relationships on for years: distance lack of communication depression fury sarcasm huge, sudden blowouts tense holidays emotional neglect infidelity waffling & confusion instability irresponsibility self-absorption outright misery For anyone in a miserable marriage who is staying in it'for the kids' I would suggest you reconsider. Yes, financial considerations can be quite serious. That said, most children can adapt to living a simpler lifestyle as opposed to dealing with miserable parents. Children tend to blame themselves for a parents' unhappiness or moodiness. It took me years to learn that HEALTHY love does not hurt. That relationships with people CAN and SHOULD be satisfying. Please do not do it 'for the kids'. You are not doing them any favors. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 A good post, Karlise. My mother stayed with my father (who was usually out of state for months on end) because we were very poor and she didn't have any family she could ask for assistance. She finally found a job that paid enough for us to move. My sister and I saw and experienced the same kinds of behaviors/emotions you posted above. My parents' divorce didn't devastate me, I think it was the best thing for both of them. If both parents want to save their marriage, I really encourage it. But trying to whitewash an unhappy marriage for your kids doesn't work long term. Even young kids can perceive unhappiness and anger, even if the parent(s) try to disguise it. Link to post Share on other sites
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