CrayonAngel Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 My story is long, I've been posting here for a while.. Some of you might remember, but in a nutshell, my H is a sex addict. He went through a year of counseling/12 steps..and everything has been great for us, his recovery has been really good. HOWEVER, I sometimes feel like one of his dirty little secrets will surface soon enough and it will all be over. Last night he was supposed to be working on our new house. I was home, with the kids. I called him to see if he was getting close to being done..It was getting late. He said "yes...I'm on my way." he sounded weird and I knew he wasn't in his car. I said to him "Tell me where you really are" him:"I'm sitting at a light, whats wrong with you?" Me: "I can tell you are in a room somewhere because of the background noise." suddenly the call drops and he calls me back....this time he is in his car. I was calm the whole time..and for a minute I felt crazy for even going there...but something was wrong..he denied anything till finally I gave up and said I had to go..probably a total of about 20 mins this whole lie went on..then he finally admitted he went by his office to pick up a bid and started looking at porn. I don't care that he was looking at it..but to me, the lengths he will go to cover up one little thing..makes me suspisious. What do you guys think? should I be worried? We talked till we fell asleep last night..he said sorry over and over. I'm tired of having to beat the truth out of my husband it makes me feel like my life is a lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Country_Girl Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 My Ex is addicted to porn. One thing they don't ever seem to get, and believe me I tried to get it through to him, is "the cover up is MUCH worse than the crime". If they could just be honest, the outcome wouldn't be so bad. I hated the lies associated with this addiction, in the end he got tired of me bickering about it and he ended it. You said he went through therapy, is he still in a program for it, like weekly SA meetings? It's not an addiction that will just go away, the temptation will always be there, so if his recovery is not ongoing then I foresee this as an ongoing problem. He really should be going to a meeting at least once a week just to keep him accountable. Because then maybe if he does relapse, and he's too ashamed to admit it to you, there will at least be others he can admit his shortcomings to & they can help him get back on track. One thing is certain, an addict really has to "want" the change. I really wish you the best of luck and hope you guys can get through this. It's a really tough addiction because society makes this kind of addiction easy to feed. There is a great website that helps addicts, as well as spouses of addicts heal and recover (because the partner suffers just as much), it's called recoverynation.com and they have a partner's support forum you might find helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrayonAngel Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 Thanks ladies~! JT its so good to see a response from you, you've always been SO HELPFUL to me. He is going to his counselor once a month now..I don't think its enough, but it's his recovery not mine. I feel a little better today, we've been talking about things and he knows that its still a bit of a problem because of how bad he tried to cover it up. I'm on the fence right now with our M. Everything is amazing with us but this one issue and its definetly a deal breaker for me. We've been together 7 years. I'm 24 and I feel like till death to us part is still a long ways away. I don't want to wake up one day and be suprised that he ran off with some lady he met on the internet..Part of me says run, the other part wants to work it out..but I'm exhausted. Link to post Share on other sites
Linda9999 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I am also married to a sex addict, and it IS exhausting. I spend most days just trying to get through till I can go to sleep again. Things are also amazing right now for us, but it's only 4 months past our last D day and I live in a constant state of wondering if I'm going to find out yet another dirty little secret. I think if my husband ever stops going to SA, that will be a big warning sign for me. Is his counselor a CSAT? Mine seems to think he can do without one, but we will have to see. Link to post Share on other sites
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