The next step for internet relationship????

[Lula]

Hi-

 

About 6 weeks ago, I put an ad on the internet (I'm 30) and had been corresponding with a local guy (he's 29, from Germany (he's worked here over a year & doesn't need a greencard :-)).

 

We met finally 2 weeks ago (on a Friday) for tennis, and hit it off. We spent that evening Fri. together and then saw each other Sunday.

 

We emailed back and forth the following week (which was last week) and then spent Fri night and Sat together...

 

I like this guy. He makes me laugh, and we have a lot of fun. He's very smart, and I'm attracted to him- and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. :-)

 

I have been out of the dating loop for a long time and have just gotten back into the dating scene in the last 6 months.

 

I am not sure how this works, especially with him being from another country.

 

Things seem to be progressing comfortably, and I don't want to rush anything. I am also afraid of going too quickly or getting hurt. Guys my age think all women want to get married right away. At this point, I just want to meet a friend. I'm not actively looking for a husband.

 

How will I know if we are 'going steady'? I know that sounds pretty goofy, but I have friends who are trying to fix me up but I am not interested in that anymore. They know I met this guy, but they also know that dating sucks (they're all married), and don't want me to get hurt or get too attached.

 

Should I date other guys so that I don't get too focused on this new friendship? I think I would feel guilty.

 

And advice is appreciated! Thanks. :-)

[Tony T]

You worry too much. Enjoy your new friend and make other friends. See where each goes. Your relationship with this new guy is way too new to be making lifetime decisions. Take it day by day. You are certainly not obligated to be totally available to him.

 

See other people. Let your friends introduce you to other guys. If this new guy gets wind you are seeing others, if he cares enough he will ask you to be his one and only. If he stops seeing you out of insecurity, you don't need him anyway. You are in a truly no-can-lose situation here. Be yourself, be happy, and until this guy asks you to firm things up with him, remain a free agent.

 

You just can't tell this early if he's someone you want for a keeper. If you were 16, you could probably pull that off for a few months. But, hey, you are 30, mature, been around the block a few times, your brain is developed more fully, and you can make incredible decisions you couldn't years ago.

 

Enjoy yourself, enjoy new people, pursue what you want but don't wait around for guys. Enjoy their company. When you finally do decide you want to go for it, turn on that ole 30 year old charm and go for gold.

 

You are "going steady" when you enjoy a guy's company so much, and he enjoys your's so much, that neither of you has any desire to see other people. If you are at that point now, I don't believe you when you say you just want to meet a friend. Cool your jets. I mean, really, you aren't looking for a husband. Relish the time you have to look around and see what's out there.

 

Not sure how all this works? There are a lot of people who have been out on the dating sceme for years and still aren't sure how it works...so be patient with yourself. This boy/girl stuff is not an exact science.