Blackcurtains Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I figured this would be a good place to ask. I'm white and I've been dating this Mexican girl for a little over a year, we are both in our 20's. She has meet my parents a few times whenever they are in town but I've never meet anyone in her family or any of her friends and I find it odd. She lives at home (mom, brother etc) and tells me her mother is really strict Catholic and this is why but for some reason I find it abnormal. She tells her mom she is going to a friends when she comes over, if she stays over it's cause she went somewhere with her friend or had to watch her friend's kid. I'm really not even sure her family knows she has a boyfriend, is this just a Hispanic culture thing or is it odd? thanks.
blackmagik Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 That is not a Hispanic culture thing, that is just odd. It is like she is hiding you from everyone. One who is hidden is left in the dark. She could be hiding something or someone from you too.. who knows.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I figured this would be a good place to ask. I'm white and I've been dating this Mexican girl for a little over a year, we are both in our 20's. She has meet my parents a few times whenever they are in town but I've never meet anyone in her family or any of her friends and I find it odd. She lives at home (mom, brother etc) and tells me her mother is really strict Catholic and this is why but for some reason I find it abnormal. She tells her mom she is going to a friends when she comes over, if she stays over it's cause she went somewhere with her friend or had to watch her friend's kid. I'm really not even sure her family knows she has a boyfriend, is this just a Hispanic culture thing or is it odd? thanks. It's just the culture. And she knows. If her family finds out you're her boyfriend, they will make her break up with you. Mexican families treat the daughters as if they were 13, and every man is a pedophile. Doesn't matter how old she is, her parents will STILL try to dictate who she dates, set curfews, and generally treat her as if she's a teenager. Especially if she's living under their roof. Oh and her brothers might want to beat you up too. I'm seeing this Mexican girl in her late 20's. When I took her out over the weekend on a vacation, I had to ask her mom for permission. Now that we're back, I'm supposed to talk to her mom for a "debriefing". And her family is considered pretty relaxed. Her brother hasn't tried to beat me up.... yet. Of course not all Hispanic families are like this, but it's not uncommon. If she's hiding this fact from her family, chances are, her family does subscribe to this traditional way of raising daughters. The boys in the family however, can do whatever they want. Unfair? absolutely, but it is what it is. If I were you I'd play along and cooperate. Anything to do with her family, ask her first, then follow her lead. Otherwise you might end up girlfriend-less and with a black eye.
Distant78 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 It's just the culture. And she knows. If her family finds out you're her boyfriend, they will make her break up with you. Mexican families treat the daughters as if they were 13, and every man is a pedophile. Doesn't matter how old she is, her parents will STILL try to dictate who she dates, set curfews, and generally treat her as if she's a teenager. Especially if she's living under their roof. Oh and her brothers might want to beat you up too. I'm seeing this Mexican girl in her late 20's. When I took her out over the weekend on a vacation, I had to ask her mom for permission. Now that we're back, I'm supposed to talk to her mom for a "debriefing". And her family is considered pretty relaxed. Her brother hasn't tried to beat me up.... yet. Of course not all Hispanic families are like this, but it's not uncommon. If she's hiding this fact from her family, chances are, her family does subscribe to this traditional way of raising daughters. The boys in the family however, can do whatever they want. Unfair? absolutely, but it is what it is. If I were you I'd play along and cooperate. Anything to do with her family, ask her first, then follow her lead. Otherwise you might end up girlfriend-less and with a black eye. Now the stereotypes are just uncalled for.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Now the stereotypes are just uncalled for. You may have missed the part where I said not every Mexican family is like this. Over the top political correctness is just uncalled for.
Distant78 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 You may have missed the part where I said not every Mexican family is like this. Over the top political correctness is just uncalled for. Yea but I didn't miss the part where you said he will catch a black eye. Over the top political correctness is just uncalled for.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Yea but I didn't miss the part where you said he will catch a black eye. Over the top political correctness is just uncalled for. I said he might. Last time I checked "might" does not mean "will". How about you improve your reading comprehension first before you become the shining torch bearer of political correctness?
Ms. Joolie Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Yes, it can definitely be a culture thing. My maternal grandfather was born in Mexico, then was raised in Texas and served his 20 in the army. He raised his family with some tough love. For example, he would not let his girls come home if they had been out past 10 p.m. They wouldn't be allowed back home, period. They could come back once they were married. Consequently two daughters were shut out that way. They had to marry very, very young before being allowed to come back and visit home. (both those marriages ended in divorce) Then my father was hispanic and a strict Catholic. I would NEVER bring a boy home and would act very much like your girlfriend when I was in my teens. I was afraid of what my dad would do and also embarrassed of the way he raised us. The stories go on. Hispanic mothers can be very overbearing. I know an adoptee very well who's hispanic grandma played a huge role in the shame and guilt of her daughter having a child out of wedlock. Her daughter gave up her son for adoption and was just traumatized by the event. She refuses even now, 41 years later, to have a relationship with her son. All right, I don't mean to scare you. Just get an idea of what you are stepping into, like do they expect you to marry their daughter and all that sort of thing. Have respect for her background, her family and their beliefs and do what you can to listen to her and learn. She really is old enough to stand her ground in this though, but I can see how it would be difficult if she still lives with her strict mom. She hasn't claimed her independence yet.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Yea but I didn't miss the part where you said he will catch a black eye. Over the top political correctness is just uncalled for. FT is right. I was born and raised in a 40% hispanic town. They really do care about and would fight for their sisters. Compare to your average American family where other family members could care less. Heck you could rape their daughter and the worse they would do is sue you.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 FT is right. I was born and raised in a 40% hispanic town. They really do care about and would fight for their sisters. Compare to your average American family where other family members could care less. Heck you could rape their daughter and the worse they would do is sue you. Thank you. Hispanic people tend to have very tight and close-knit families. For better or for worse. They do tend to go out of their ways to keep their families safe. Occasionally, even though it could be done with the best of intentions, the desire to protect could be misdirected. When dating inter-racially, culture is always a concern and a source of confusion. So like I mentioned, tell her what you want, then follow her lead. It's her culture, she knows.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Thank you. Hispanic people tend to have very tight and close-knit families. For better or for worse. They do tend to go out of their ways to keep their families safe. Occasionally, even though it could be done with the best of intentions, the desire to protect could be misdirected. When dating inter-racially, culture is always a concern and a source of confusion. So like I mentioned, tell her what you want, then follow her lead. It's her culture, she knows. Yes, I had a friend growing up and her sister was living in Mexico with her uncle. This guy got her pregnant at 14 and tried to just move away. The uncle hunted the guy down AND SHOT HIM! Some Mexican families do not play around. They really mean business. Also, I've seen some who just don't care at all, or where the parents don't care but 1 brother or a cousin does. The point is that it's a cultural thing that is really rare among Americans.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 And if the Mexican culture isn't enough to wonder about when it comes to dating their women, the Catholic faith is another! If her mom is a strict Catholic, what that means to me is that if YOU are not Catholic be prepared to be judged! For strict Catholics, you just can't do anything right if you don't go to Mass on Sunday. lol I've been with the same guy for years, and he's divorced. Well in the Catholic culture that is not acceptable. A couple of years ago my sister really gave it to him for not being Catholic, for being divorced, for me being 'lost' aka not practicing. I just don't know how I came out so normal!! o wait.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Yes, I had a friend growing up and her sister was living in Mexico with her uncle. This guy got her pregnant at 14 and tried to just move away. The uncle hunted the guy down AND SHOT HIM! Some Mexican families do not play around. They really mean business. Also, I've seen some who just don't care at all, or where the parents don't care but 1 brother or a cousin does. The point is that it's a cultural thing that is really rare among Americans. Holy crap! No kidding, they don't play around... I don't have a story that can top that.
mtber75 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Now the stereotypes are just uncalled for. This applies to other cultures too (Asian)! Nothing stereotypical about it!
Author Blackcurtains Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks for the insight guys I appreciate it. She has lived on her own before so I don't believe its that she hasn't asserted her independence. I have asked her a few times about it because it frustrates me its like I don't know anything and I don't think our relationship will grow all that much, it's odd to me but that's a different culture. Her mom is really catholic she says her mom has gone to church at some masses at 3am before and she is from mexico so I would gather based on input here that she is very traditional and my girlfriend just doesn't want to have drama with her mom considering she lives at home presumably under her rules. It does bother me that she lies to her mom about where she is when her mom /sister/brother calls her etc but I guess that's part of it.
irc333 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 There's a WHOLE LOT of NON-Practicing Catholics out there. And if the Mexican culture isn't enough to wonder about when it comes to dating their women, the Catholic faith is another! If her mom is a strict Catholic, what that means to me is that if YOU are not Catholic be prepared to be judged! For strict Catholics, you just can't do anything right if you don't go to Mass on Sunday. lol I've been with the same guy for years, and he's divorced. Well in the Catholic culture that is not acceptable. A couple of years ago my sister really gave it to him for not being Catholic, for being divorced, for me being 'lost' aka not practicing. I just don't know how I came out so normal!! o wait.
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