tojaz Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Thanks for the support to all who took the time to reply. Tojaz, I don't get the bolded part? Abusers are compelled by their own weaknesses. She is weak so she looks for ways to feel strong, by lashing out and imposing her will on those around her. Keep your head up angel! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 My friend Willow You are so close to reaching your first goal, I know you can do this. That new day and that new life is that much closer. Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Lotsa hugs, Willow! Keep Going!:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
change Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 My friend Willow You are so close to reaching your first goal, I know you can do this. That new day and that new life is that much closer. Gallon Exactly. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks all. Jaymz I think you have enough problems of your own! lol Got that pain in my arm again that I had last exams when I ended up in hospital having an ECG because DR thought might be a heart attack, I really hope this is muscular from sitting studying and not my heart through stress. Kind of worried. Link to post Share on other sites
az5654 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 In all your circumstances, I think God is calling to you and showing you that you need to stay close to Him so that nothing, not even devastating events like what you have been experiencing will take you down. If you believe in God and trust in Him, you will eventually come to the place where you are so secure in Him and in the truth of His Word that nothing can hurt you. I have been where you are at and know first hand the devastation you are going through. That was the conclusion I came to believe shortly after becoming a Christian (and I still believe it now): that in order for anything to "hurt me," I would have to choose to allow it to do so, that I would have to decide to give it my permission to take me down. I saw that it was my decision whether I would be hurt by something, that it was MY CHOICE whether I would listen to my feelings and feel hurt OR follow the Lord's truth and decide to live in His victory, which was already mine. I could actually choose to give power to the feelings I was having OR give power to the newfound truth in my life. It's certainly a choice to be made. And choosing to respond in truth to every circumstance is sort of a discipline the Lord will bring you to, and it will be easier and easier to do, the more you recognize the destructiveness in choosing the alternative, which is allowing your feelings to destroy you. The Lord has you in the palm of His hand and He knows what's going on and what to do. You must remain trusting Him even though you don't know His plan (what else can you do?). Choose to feel His arms around you, because they truly are. And in your tears and grief, remember that He loves you more than anyone else on this earth can. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks all. Jaymz I think you have enough problems of your own! lol Got that pain in my arm again that I had last exams when I ended up in hospital having an ECG because DR thought might be a heart attack, I really hope this is muscular from sitting studying and not my heart through stress. Kind of worried. Heres hoping that pain in your arm is nothing more serious then that Willow, you've been through enough without losing your health. Don't worry though, I'm sure its nothing. Best wishes for a speedy recovery Willow. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Right, I need to get this out. I'm stressed, really really stressed. I have no idea where my life is going or how I am going to get out of my living situation. I have exams starting next week for two weeks and after that I have no job lined up. The stress of it all is doing my head in, I'm not coping well not knowing what I am going to do. I hate my f**** ex for doing this to me. Who in their right mind leaves a 20 year relationship without any indication that there are problems, (and no I did not miss any signs), and just walks away? I did not deserve that, I didn't. I might not have been perfect, in fact I may have been horrible and difficulct at times but I did nothing for him to be able to justify doing what he did to me. Why in the hell should he be able to carry on as if nothing has happened, find someone else, move her in, get married and not care what he has done. We shared nearly two decades together, HOW does someone even do that? How is he even able to do that? My IC said denial. Well, whilst he lives in denial I have to live with the consequences of his actions and it's not b***** right, IT IS NOT RIGHT. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Right, I need to get this out. I'm stressed, really really stressed. I have no idea where my life is going or how I am going to get out of my living situation. I have exams starting next week for two weeks and after that I have no job lined up. The stress of it all is doing my head in, I'm not coping well not knowing what I am going to do. I hate my f**** ex for doing this to me. Who in their right mind leaves a 20 year relationship without any indication that there are problems, (and no I did not miss any signs), and just walks away? I did not deserve that, I didn't. I might not have been perfect, in fact I may have been horrible and difficulct at times but I did nothing for him to be able to justify doing what he did to me. Why in the hell should he be able to carry on as if nothing has happened, find someone else, move her in, get married and not care what he has done. We shared nearly two decades together, HOW does someone even do that? How is he even able to do that? My IC said denial. Well, whilst he lives in denial I have to live with the consequences of his actions and it's not b***** right, IT IS NOT RIGHT. No Willow, it isn't right. In the long term, hes going to figure that out and have to live with that on his conscience. Unfortunately, in the short term, there is no swift justice. Nobody is perfect Willow, all anyone can do is to be as perfect as they can be at the moment. We all make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes don't come to light until much later on (my personal predicament). He didn't give it his best though Willow and i doubt he will in this new relationship. Your IC had it right I would imagine. he hides from what hes done in a new relationship, when that one fails, then maybe he'll look within himself, probably not though, either way it is not your cross to bear. So Willow, right now your digging out of the rubble he has caused, but you WILL find your way out, dust yourself off, and rebuild your life. He never will! As soon as builds something he'll be looking for a way to tear it down, that will be his consequence. Good luck on your exams Willow! Dont let thoughts of him rattle you, hes not worth it, and don't let worries about the future rattle you..... One step at a time. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 No Willow, it isn't right. In the long term, hes going to figure that out and have to live with that on his conscience. Unfortunately, in the short term, there is no swift justice. Nobody is perfect Willow, all anyone can do is to be as perfect as they can be at the moment. We all make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes don't come to light until much later on (my personal predicament). He didn't give it his best though Willow and i doubt he will in this new relationship. Your IC had it right I would imagine. he hides from what hes done in a new relationship, when that one fails, then maybe he'll look within himself, probably not though, either way it is not your cross to bear. So Willow, right now your digging out of the rubble he has caused, but you WILL find your way out, dust yourself off, and rebuild your life. He never will! As soon as builds something he'll be looking for a way to tear it down, that will be his consequence. Good luck on your exams Willow! Dont let thoughts of him rattle you, hes not worth it, and don't let worries about the future rattle you..... One step at a time. TOJAZ It's not happening. It's been over 2 years and my life is not getting better. I am unhappy, stressed and hopeless. I cannot keep trying, I do not have the energy left to keep trying with no results. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Willow...I've read your posts for years. I sympathize. You have to find a way to stop defining who you are by this relationship that has ended. I know it is easier said than done. I feel your pain reading your posts. I, along with everyone else here who has followed them, want, yearn, for you to find some peace and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 It's not happening. It's been over 2 years and my life is not getting better. I am unhappy, stressed and hopeless. I cannot keep trying, I do not have the energy left to keep trying with no results. From my perspective and from reading what you write, I've seen a tremendous amount of growth in you willow. It might help you at some point to read some of your old posts and see what we see; a young lady who has faced her problems in the face of fear, hurt and betrayal. Life and happiness is not linear; it's up and down like a roller coaster. I'd wager to say it's like that for most of us, judging by what I see and read here. One positive for you is having this place to vent, with friends who have followed your journey with interest and concern. Considering all you've been through and the world's economic mess, you've done all you can. So have I willow. Possessions wise and most directly related to my divorce, I've lost most of what I've worked for over the last 33 years. I'd by lying if I said I was happy about that, but I am determined to make a new, better life for myself. Besides; stuff is only stuff. It can't bring lasting happiness. Like you I was truly happy. And in love. But it wasn't real enough to last. Life's timetable moves on its own. Simply put, we have to deal with it. Cheer up, chin up! Link to post Share on other sites
YSS Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 It's not happening. It's been over 2 years and my life is not getting better. I am unhappy, stressed and hopeless. I cannot keep trying, I do not have the energy left to keep trying with no results. Willow I know how you are feeling, I uttered those same words this week to my counsellor. While life may not feel better in this moment you have taken the positive steps for that to change. It's frustrating when all efforts and energy seem to yield nothing. Right now willow, focus on the exams. Once this milestone is achieved I believe other things will fall in place. One step at a time. Keep going willow, you worked too hard to stop now. Tojaz was right, it's not fair what happened to you. I completely understand the feeling of "no justice" and "consequences" for those who hurt us. Believe me. You are not alone in this. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Willow - that man deserves no more of your thoughts...it's wasted time spent on him. Where it has left you "right now", I totally understand...but look at where you are going. There is a future and it starts with that first exam in a couple of days. I know you say it's not what you wished for yourself, but when life throws us a curve ball, we just have to find a new path. You are on that....and it will have it's struggles, but I do feel that you will look back on all of this years later and see that you have come so far. Steps...one at a time...the first major ones are over the next two weeks. That deserves your time and thoughts hun...that alone. Link to post Share on other sites
cupcak3 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 It's not happening. It's been over 2 years and my life is not getting better. I am unhappy, stressed and hopeless. I cannot keep trying, I do not have the energy left to keep trying with no results. Willow... Life is a battle of overcoming adversities. Do not let a painful relationsip experience define your life. Obviously, your ex cared for you for many years. People don't stay in a relationship without children for as many years as you have without feelings for the significant other. Sometimes, people grow apart all the time without fault of another. Treasure the good moments of your relationship and move on. Stop being bitter and accept what happened. Reasons, who at faults are insignificant at this point. The pain will eventually stop... Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Take the man and the relationship off the pedestal. Any man that would take 20 years to propose and then bail isn't anybody's dream guy...more of a nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 It's not happening. It's been over 2 years and my life is not getting better. I am unhappy, stressed and hopeless. I cannot keep trying, I do not have the energy left to keep trying with no results. Willow, there is no time limit or set plan. Surviving the loss of love is not a pass/fail course! Yes its been 2 years and the road isn't over. Your better then you where a year ago, and your better then a year before that I would imagine. You've done a lot with the last two years and under very adverse circumstances, give yourself some of the credit you deserve. Seems to me Willow, that your options are these.... Keep trying and risk being unhappy, or stop trying and guarantee it! There are results Willow, just not as fast or as grand as you would like. Take the little victories where you can get them Willow. The big ones will come. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 Thanks everyone for the support, i promise to post properly soon, I am in midst of finals at the moment, actually very scared about tomorrow, I don't think I am going to pass I don't know enough despite having revised 12 houra a day for 3 weeks now *sigh* maybe I just don't have it in me? My friend text today to sya she was bored because it was too easy and she had finished her revision. Anyway I digress, will post asap. Tojaz what happed to your avatar? Why the broken, band aid heart, everything alright? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Good Luck Willow....I have faith that you will do great!! Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Good luck willow! :D:D Link to post Share on other sites
just_some_guy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Good luck Willow, I hope you find the peace and joy that you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 willow, stay focused on the future and keep moving ahead. There are great things in front of you!! Good luck on your exams!! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Tojaz what happed to your avatar? Why the broken, band aid heart, everything alright? Thanks for asking Willow, but no worries. Im taking my lumps, summer is always a very hard time for me. Nothing to fret about, you stay focused on your exams and knocking them out of the park. Heres a better avatar, call it a good luck charm for your exams. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) Thanks Tojaz I read in a magazine that there are 1 million 650,000 single men aged 30-39 in the UK and that is 1 million more than the number of single women in the same age range, so WHY can I not get a date? This is really starting to get me down. I am steadily trying to improve my life, I am nearly done with school (hoping I pass, two exams to go now), I am looking for work and I hope that if I manage to get work soon I will be able to move into my own place. All in all I have worked really hard to heal and move on from my ex, I have had IC and that is now done as I am ready to move forward. I do not want a relationship to MAKE me happy, I want one because I truely feel that after 2 years and a few months now of being single, I would like to share my life with a boy friend. I would like to be found attractive again, I would like to have sex again for goodness sakes, I am a women in her mid 30s, not dead! I really want that closeness and intimacy that only comes from a realtionship, I want to be loved by someone other than myself. So, why can I not meet anyone? I took the previous advice here and stopped looking, still nothing. I've tried online dating, bars, sports, nothing. Am I just butt ugly or something? Why does no one want me? Why is no one interested in me at all? Lots of people on here have no trouble finding dates or even just filrty interest from the oppsoite sex. Why am I treated like I am invisable? I mean seriously, even women are dropping shop doors on me like they don't see me or walking through shop doors when I am already walking through and just banging into me and not even acknowledging that they have. Why is this happening to me? I am a good person, very caring, guys tell me I am funny I make them laugh, I'm fun to be around, I am not negative, I don't talk about my ex, I try to make the best of my apperance and despite being on here asking I am not desperate, I would just like to move my life forward and that now includes sharing it with someone I love. Can anyone, please tell me where I can find a date? Edited June 10, 2011 by willowthewisp Link to post Share on other sites
Author willowthewisp Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 No one huh, I guess I am invisable here too. Link to post Share on other sites
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