I feel as though all of my friends have diminished significantly..

[lemonlegs]

I'm 19 and in my second year of university. Back in my last year of high school, I hungout with a group of four other girls. We always did everything together, always invited each other and talked all the time. I had a boyfriend then who was also friends with them. Turns out my boyfriend then was a goof, who cheated on me but also tried to coax my best friend to move in with him and his friend for some weird reason, which obviously made me upset. She failed to see why this bothered me and didn't realize how dumb it was until she learned how fake and manipulating he was and when she got a boyfriend of her own. However, this proved to permanantly damage our friendship. There was a point where I even said "Listen guys, you know what I'm going through with this, and if you choose to still talk to him like he's a good buddy then I refuse to be friends with you". After I learned about his cheating, etc I apologized to them and they did the same and I thought everything would be better.

 

Now, in the midst of all this I hungout with 2 other girls so it didn't bother me as much to dismiss them as friends (as terrible as that sounds). However, after tht happened I wanted to see them more as it was in the past. We did for a while, then we started drifting apart again as I still hungout with the other 2 girls. They also now had a foursome which evidently was a better dynamic for them. Then in July, I had a falling out with those other 2 girls I hungout with, but I always knew they were fairweather friends and just not really good people all-in-all and I've always regretted loosening ties with the group of 4 girls.

 

Now since the falling out with the other 2 girls, I've been dating my boyfriend who's acted as my best friend and we hangout all the time which I'm happy with. Now I still talk to these girls, we are on better terms and I can easily text them and talk to them, but they still neglect to invite me out a lot. Usually I have to ask them what they're doing, etc before they'll invite me out, which sort of sucks as it was never like that before. They've also told me that they were having problems with one girl of the foursome, who I was never SUPER close with (I have some problems with her attitude, she's very judgemental and insecure, but that's another story), so I don't concern myself with her. But theey said that she ignores them and treats them badly, yet, they have an "intervention" with her and let her know, and now they're just one big happy foursome again. I feel like I'm a more real, down to earth person than her... so why can't it be like that for me? Why can't I just be part of that group again? I just feel like the dynamics between us are irreparably damaged.

 

The point is.... I feel as though I don't have a solid friendship with anyone that I used to....

 

What do I do? Does anyone else know what I'm experiencing? Sorry for the length of this...

 

JUST TO ADD: I feel as though I'm always the person that loses out on friendships. Like for example, the other 2 girls I lost friendships with, I don't talk to AT ALL. They were my best friends, and now it's like we never even knew each other. Though I know they aren't good people and it's for the best, it still stings a little bit. I know everyone probably thinks I'm overly dramatic, but that's the thing... I feel like I'm dragged into these situations; it's not just me making drama out of nothing. The falling out with my 2 other friends was due to us living together and the problems that ensued becasue of it....

Edited February 25, 2011 by lemonlegs

[lemonlegs]

You're not overly dramatic, you're a girl. Best friends? Are you serious? Would any of these bitches take a bullet for you? Then they aren't your best friends. You need to reorganize what the words "BEST FRIEND" mean and what the word "FRIEND" means. You left them for other girls, you left them for a boyfriend. Lots of girls are like you, they get a boyfriend and then spend all their time with their boyfriend and forget about their friends. Do you think men do this? No, because men know this word called "LOYALTY". You don't know what it means do you? It is okay, because until you learn that word and what it really means you will never have any lasting friendships.

 

What you need to do, is swallow your pride, start asking those girls what they are doing every weekend and then....that's right, you make time and force yourself back into their lives. They are looking for you to make an effort to be their friend again, not cry until they sympathize with you feeling "friendless".

 

I agree with you. I envy my boyfriend everyday because he's had the same friends since he was in public school. The 2 girls I stopped being friends with because they WERE bitches, they had both screwed me over multiple times and I decided the last issue was the last straw. As for the other girls, we've had our problems, but I know they're good people at heart and I will always be willing to talk to them about anything. I have tried a lot, and I still do hangout with them the odd time. It is hard though when we're all in school and it consumes our lives.

[kevinpeter12]

The point is.... I feel as though I don't have a solid friendship with anyone that I used to....

[hew]

Seriously i know how you feel. I recently just lost my BEST friend. We considered eachother sisters and we were always together. We ended up getting in a huge fight because of my depression issues, and it was stressing her out. So her parents called my parents and said i wasnt to be friends with her anymore. I switched schools and lost all my other friends along with her.

 

I know its not exactly the same situation as you.. but i know how it feels to loose people and feel left out. Its actually sooooo Sh*tty. just remember your not alone and theres so many people out there that can relate to you. And theres gonna be so many people who come and go in life, and some day you will find the perfect friendship. Your still young (so am i im the same age as you) so just think of all the people your going to meet!