LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I'm reading the dating forum, and every thread seems to be an attack on the opposite sex. I'm just wondering if this is normal, for dating. Should I even bother with it, if the girl is going to cheat on me for being "nice and boring", or some other dude is going to steal her away because he had muscles and was more manly than me? I see flames flying from both men AND women, and I'm just wondering...am I better off being single? Is there anybody out there who doesn't hate the opposite sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Taking LS as a representation of the real world is the saddest mistake one can ever make. Maybe if you live in Las Vegas or NYC, I don't know (this is just based on the media rep of those places, I've never been there). Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I actually didn't start to question whether or not men and women actually loved each other before I came here. However, the dating sub-section is starting to change my mind. And that Ay dude...why isn't he banned yet? He's a sick freak, and if THAT is what women are attracted to, I'm in a heap of trouble... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 It's really sad how gender relations are these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I actually didn't start to question whether or not men and women actually loved each other before I came here. However, the dating sub-section is starting to change my mind. And that Ay dude...why isn't he banned yet? He's a sick freak, and if THAT is what women are attracted to, I'm in a heap of trouble... There was a 6+ page thread by women saying he is not.... If you only see what you hate to see you're going to turn into Woggle mighty fast. Go out and have lunch and watch the happy couples or something. Link to post Share on other sites
max2go Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I feel when there are "attacks" on the opposite sex, its largely because of bad/negative experience. I have been in a partially bad relationship for l0 years, still trying to make it work because there are also very good sides to it. There are no simple answers nor rules to play in the so called "battle of the sexes" - i guess sometimes we expect too much, people are only human, and we arent here to live up to other's expectations, we need to be prepared to live with the imperfect, just as we arent perfect and take on that side of the guy/woman thats not exactly as we hoped they should be, as well as all the good stuff. Its never easy and often the things we dont like about a person are the very mirror images of the things we dont like about ourselves................ Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I think it has more to do with people in general than gender specifically. People cause pain. most people are heterosexual and so most relationship problems for women involve the man they are with and the mans problem involves the woman. This creates the illusion of a gender divide when in fact people just suck. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 And that Ay dude...why isn't he banned yet? He's a sick freak, and if THAT is what women are attracted to, I'm in a heap of trouble... Also, only speaking for myself, but I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole, regardless of how 'buff' he claims to be. There are a few male LS posters whom I guess I might have considered had we met IRL and everything else had been right, and he is most certainly NOT one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Stop paying attention to all the negative posts about "gender relations" and focus instead on the many posts from people who do not have these issues. Sure, we can still have relationship issues that we might post about here on LS, but we do not blame our troubles on an entire gender. That is just wrong, and all it shows is the depth of problems that the poster has. These people have issues that you don't need to entertain. YOU just need to find your own way into the confusing world of dealing with the opposite sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 If it is negative, we have only ourselves to blame. Too many men acting like sex-starved junkies, too few women being easy. Mess. Made. Clean it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 Well, I'm just going to try to give advice, the best I can, and ignore the negativity. If certain posters want to give bad advice, or harmful advice, or certain posters want to create threads that will start fights, it's not my problem. I came here to help people, not to get hurt myself. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I'm reading the dating forum, and every thread seems to be an attack on the opposite sex. I'm just wondering if this is normal, for dating. Should I even bother with it, if the girl is going to cheat on me for being "nice and boring", or some other dude is going to steal her away because he had muscles and was more manly than me? I see flames flying from both men AND women, and I'm just wondering...am I better off being single? Is there anybody out there who doesn't hate the opposite sex? About the only place I see such callous attitudes is on here. Especially in the last year! I have a pretty large and motley social circle. The care and concern for each other I witness within it is uplifting and encouraging to me. Then I come on here and see such barbs being flung around and wonder what rocks these people are hiding under that I don't run into them IRL. I think back to the worst romantic associations I've experienced. It dawned on me one day that I was the common denominator and I was gravitating to people who mirrored the behavior of my upbringing. What I'd gone through as a kid had me comfortable with negative people. Accepting that responsibility was empowering. It made me realize I had the power to keep them out of my life just as much as I had the power to let them in. Now I think the reason I don't see these attitudes out of the people I associate with is because I don't build associations with negative people anymore. I'm sure they do exist around me, but I don't fear them because I don't have to accept them into my life. And its been so long since I did accept them that I don't even notice them anymore. Except on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 We love each other really. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I have difficulty bashing men as a gender because some of my all time favorite people have been men, included my Dad (RIP). I had a ton of heart break in the dating arena, but what kept me going is that I knew that men act as individuals not some sort of Borg like entity. Maybe people bash a gender because they are too afraid to say something personal on the board and talk specific instances. I would say 90% of the posts don't generalize by gender, but they aren't usually the ones that get 50+ posts and end up atop the queue. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Well, I'm just going to try to give advice, the best I can, and ignore the negativity. If certain posters want to give bad advice, or harmful advice, or certain posters want to create threads that will start fights, it's not my problem. I came here to help people, not to get hurt myself. and this is the way to go also the comment about isolating the individual- focus on that rather than the illusion of a 'gender war'. which is just Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 If this callous attitude exists on only on here how else do you explain the high divorce rate and the amount of cheating that you have in modern day society. Look at other boards and you will see comments even worse than on here. There is a really problem with men and women these days. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 About the only place I see such callous attitudes is on here. Agreed. I have a wide social circle and have lived in five different countries. I've never experienced anyting that looks like the dating section of this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 I don't know how to explain it, Woggle. I think people used to marry for either love or convenience. Nowadays, feminist propaganda is shoving down women's throats, that they don't need a man. Therefore, there is more likelihood of cheating and divorce rates skyrocketing. At the same time, the Pickup Artists are competing against all that crap, so men are cheating more than usual. And since feminism is raising a bunch of men who, well, don't know how to deal with women, men are turning to those instead of to male mentors. Then you end up with people like Ay, who become players and hate the entire female gender, describing them as "a buffet", instead of...as people. I honestly don't know how to fix this. But I can see your PoV, and I agree that it is a real problem. And the men and women who don't either subscribe to feminism or to PUA techniques...well, they're the ones offering sensible advice in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Feminism in and of itself is not a negative thing. Gender equality is very much a good thing but some women take that word and use it as an excuse to treat men however they want under the umbrella of female empowerment. Then you have the men who these women used and abuse going out and using and abusing innocent who in turn become bitter themselves. It is a never ending cycle and the only thing you or I can do is not be a part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 If this callous attitude exists on only on here how else do you explain the high divorce rate and the amount of cheating that you have in modern day society. Look at other boards and you will see comments even worse than on here. There is a really problem with men and women these days. Cheating has occurred throughout history and is not a modern phenomenon. Divorce rates in the 'West' has gone up to a large extent because it's possible to divorce now in ways that weren't socially or financially possible a few decades ago. I've lived in societies with very low divorce rates. There are lots of people there who are miserable in their marriages, but they don't divorce because it's socially unaccpetable or because they can't financially sustain themselves. This also includes people who stay with spouses who physically or emotionally abuse them, are alcoholics, or have drug problems, because divorce is so frowned upon. The 'things were great before' vs 'things are awful now' is a false dichotomy. And I've seen lots of boards with a much more supportive atmosphere than here, which is partially why I don't bother posting much here these days. The fact that you have issues with the opposite gender and constantly seek validation for that view doesn't mean we all live that way, Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 It's not just the divorce but the nastiness that happens when a couple splits. I really am afraid of what will happen to the kids involved in these scenarios because this can't be good for them. Just listen to the radio. How many real love songs do you hear anymore that came out recently. If it is about love it's all about drama and never the happy side. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I don't know how to explain it, Woggle. I think people used to marry for either love or convenience. Nowadays, feminist propaganda is shoving down women's throats, that they don't need a man. Therefore, there is more likelihood of cheating and divorce rates skyrocketing. I urge you to rethink this. Feminism is not bad. Feminism has been very necessary. Are you aware that in MY lifetime (and I'm not ancient), women were not even permitted to sit on juries in some states? Women and men had different pay scales at companies, based absolutely and only upon gender? Those are just a couple of examples in very recent history. If you look at a timeline that includes the life spans of the prior two or three generations, you can easily see that a lot of ground needed to be covered for women to obtain basic equal human rights as men had. Feminism is not responsible for women not "needing" men. If a man wants to be with a woman who is dependent upon him financially, or to drive her in the car, or whatever, he can find someone like this. For me, and for a lot of men and women alike, the "need" for one another is not measured that way. Marriage was a very mutually beneficial arrangement for many many centuries, but modern life has rendered those arrangements quite unnecessary in the Western world, at least. Now, if we want to choose to bond for life, for better or for worse, a lot more conscious thought and effort needs to go into it. Unfortunately, many times the people involved are not prepared for the reality of it. This is not the responsibility of Feminism, or of the PUA movement either, for that matter. There are plenty of women who hate men, and some of them use "feminism" as some kind of a platform for this. Lots of men hate women, and some of them also use "feminism" to justify the hate. On the other hand, there are many men who are Feminists, just as there heterosexuals who are pro gay rights, and white people who are passionate about equal rights for all people of all colors. That's all from me for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I know this is a bit off topic but speaking of feminism how is Gloria Steniem not a hypocrite for getting married? What is the difference between her and homophobic preachers who get caught with a gay lover? Like most zealots they never practice what they preach. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 Usually by keeping it simple and primarily realistic you will find most Ladies and Gentlemen on the forums do carry some wisdom and life worthy experiences. The principle to focus upon is simple: Anyone who is a parent or is a model for influencing a younger generation has an obligation to disable the gender war. ITs Quite easy, I always remember in the mist of any heated "gender" debate that at some point that was someones kid and some parent loved them and didn't kill them so they must be worthy of some recognition . ( Meant with a slight edge of humor ) I have seen a great improvement from Woggle in comments. If anything the improvements have given hope to some members....Keep up the good work Woggle! Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 26, 2011 Share Posted February 26, 2011 I know this is a bit off topic but speaking of feminism how is Gloria Steniem not a hypocrite for getting married? What is the difference between her and homophobic preachers who get caught with a gay lover? Like most zealots they never practice what they preach. Maybe she married the guy because she WANTED to rather than NEEEDED to? Whats wrong with that? But an interesting Steinem tidbit for you. Back before American Psycho was a movie it was a book. One Steinem fought hard to prevent from being published. In the end it was published and became very popular. So popular in fact that a movie was made starring Christian Bale. Guess who his step mom is? Gloria Steinem! I'm betting they don't get along. Link to post Share on other sites
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