Coping with sibling loss

[cybersister]

I am 52 years old. and was the middle child of three.

My parents split when I was 13 and my father remarried a widow with two children. the split was acrimonious so I never spent time, apart from awkward Christmas gatherings, with my steps- the original three of us lived with my mother, who died in 2004.

My father had a child with his new wife also so I had a half brother too though again I never really spent time with him.

My half brother died in 2006 aged only 29. Step mother was distraught for a few years after that and the Christmas invitations stopped. ( there were some years I declined to visit being of the opinion that a child is for life, not just for Christmas, but took to going again when I realised my own children were growing up believing I did not have a father.

 

Then my elder sister died suddenly 18 months ago aged 53- this was very hard, and after that my dad started to call me up sometimes- he had been closer to her than me so I guess I started to replace her in his affections.

Then two weeks ago my brother died, also suddenly.

Each of the 3 had a diffferent cause of death so it is not as if I feel I am at risk from a particular disease, but I feel panicky, sometimes with a weight on my chest, and sometimes faint and dizzy. I guess this is a stress reaction which will pass in time .

I feel so alone, even though we all lived in different towns, we were there for each other.

Just wondered if others have been through something similar and how they coped ?

[whichwayisup]

I am so sorry for your losses, that's alot to deal with. Have you considered to go talk to a grief counsellor to help you cope?

 

It's good you and your dad are connecting again.

 

Yoga really helps with stress, and anxiety. Meditation too.

[lovelylove]

Wow, that's a lot of grief to go through all at once, I'm sorry for your losses.

I lost my son, he was 13, to cancer, and it took me 6 years to stop crying every day. I was also grieving the loss of my marriage, which happened at the same time... and what I learned was that the grief has to be gone through for each event, each person, differently. Grief is hard work, and takes a long time, but you will heal and come to a place where you know it is better to have "loved and lost then never have loved at all". This is very difficult and I recommend counseling, or picking up some books on grief. A support group, somewhere where you can express your pain openly would be helpful. Loss is so hard to deal with. I know some in my family who chose to bury the pain, they are much worse off today- bitter, confused, sad... but those of us who did the hard work of grieving came out okay. Still sad, but okay.

So sorry for your losses.

[ChristineB]

I am so sorry for your loss... I don't think I have any valuable advice directly for your situation but I believe you can seek a counselor or even talking to friends would help as talking it out is always better than holding it in. Many hugs and blessing to you.