friendly Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 when you break up with someone, is it supposed to hurt you as much as it hurts them? i was hopin for the relief, the loss of stress.. but none of that is comin yet Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 It is slightly easier to be the dumper as opposed to the dumpee.But it's still the end of a love relationship, and that's never easy. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I believe it's a lot easier for the dumper. They have been thinking of breaking up before they tell their s/o. The pain that the dumper gets can not be compared to the pain that the dumpee receives. For the dumper has been well prepared and well planned. Link to post Share on other sites
ldybg51 Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 It all depends on the relationship. And the reasons for dumping. Why did you dump them? Why does it hurt? Why is it stressful? I have "dumped" two people in my lifetime. The first time I was not in love with that person any longer. It did not cause me any hurt except that I hurt them. But I was not in any kind of stress and actually was relieved to be done. I was happier and when he told me that he was with someone else I was even more relieved because I knew that he had moved on and was over me. The second time, I was making myself not love this person anymore because of how they had treated me. I did hurt and stress out with this one. But that was only because we had been together for so many years it was odd not having him around. I never wanted anything romantic to do with him or sexual, but I missed him as a friend and to not have that suddenly was painful. When I was around him though I just didnt want to be there. I wanted him to move on. And now he has and I can be around him as friends. SO with both mine, I was actually happier to be out of the relationship and less stressed out than in it. BUT right now I am the dumpee, and OMG, it hurts. I thought this was the person I would marry. I thought that he loved me also. OOOPs, My bad. It definitely hurts wayyyy more. I am moving on now though. It hurts less and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hooray! So yeah, dumpers hurt too, but you need to analyze what kind of hurt, how long its been and what went wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
friendly Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 he's just so hurt.. i still care about him and it hurts me to see him like that... i wanna help but i cant.. Link to post Share on other sites
Cloud Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If you want to help him, give him some closure if you have't all ready. In my case, my ex just broke up with me for the reason that she "wasn't happy anymore". I can understand this but, 2 weeks prior to the break up things were really, really great. At least as far as I could tell, I think that was when *I* was my happiest in the relationship. Then, we had one small arguement, and she came over the next day wanting to break up....(She told me that it wasn't just the arguement, and that she had been thinking about it for awhile). But it fails me to see why breaking up was the only option when, as I said, 2 weeks prior things were awesome. In any event, it's been over 2 weeks now, and although I am doing better, I still don't understand why she felt that she had to break up with me. We had been together for just over a year, and in that time we didn't argue very much, and I like to think that I treated her like gold. Even as she broke up with me she told me how amazing I am and that she still loves me and yet....she doesn't want to be with me. So you can understand my confusion when it comes to trying to figure out what it is that went wrong, when everything seemed to be so right. I can understand that a relationship adds certain pressures to ones life, and that that could be a reason for ending something that was so great, and if that was the reason, hey yeah, I'll accept that, but the point is that I got a "I'm not happy anymore", when in my honest opinion, there *has* to be a reason that she's not happy. But she refuses to talk to me about it, which makes me wonder what it is that I did wrong, etc. Did I ask too much of her? Was I not understanding enough? Did I pressure her in anyway? All these questions that I think about quite often which ultimately makes me feel worse. And now from the little contact I have had with her, it almost seems like she's doing worse, and that I'm taking this better than her, which makes me really wonder...if this is what she really wanted. *shrugs* So yeah, I know that if I could understand her reasoning, that I wouldn't be hurting as much, and that I would try my best to understand where it was she was coming from and do the things so that she could be happy again, regardless if we are together or not. But right now...I just really miss her, and I don't know why it is that I have to feel this way. So if he's willing to talk, talk to him. At least from this guy's perspective, that's what I would like to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 he's just so hurt.. i still care about him and it hurts me to see him like that... i wanna help but i cant.. Yes you can help. Do not contact him if you have been. Let him be, no more torture. Link to post Share on other sites
friendly Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Originally posted by hurtingandconfused Yes you can help. Do not contact him if you have been. Let him be, no more torture. I'm not contacting him... HE'S contacting me.. What am I supposed to say that wont hurt him anymore? I want to maintain a friendship, but i dont see how thats doable if he's still in love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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