Is he into me? Make move before he moves?

[Fixyou]

So I need some hard, solid advice! I have a crush on my friend, but can't talk about it to many people since we are in a group and I don't want my feelings to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

 

I've liked him for about 5 months and he has given me some signs that he feels the same, but don't know if I'm reading too much into it. Here are some examples:

 

1) We went out for dinner one time and when he was leaving to the restroom he stopped in front of me and touched my knee. He's a very touchy person and his touches, I believe, are becoming more in delicate areas on my waist, shoulder. Even when we were sitting on the couch next to one another, he moved his leg so it would be touching my knee and seemed to do it because he wanted to touch me. Also asked that night when I came from another bar, "Did you meet anyone?"

 

2) I said, "I'm likable" and he replied, "You're lovable"

 

3) He looks at me directly in the eye and I have even noticed him looking at me from across the room when there's no real reason. When it's just the two of us and we're having drinks, he'll make us do cheers and do the eye contact until our first sip (little corny, but cute at the same time).

 

4) He's somewhat flirty with me always gently kicking me, teasing me. Body language is positive where at dinner he'll lean in, mirrors me, pays attention to what I'm saying (even if it's a boring story). Not sure that he does this with other people. He even has a nickname for me and will even double kiss me which he doesn't do to other people (I don't either).

 

5) He just got me a birthday present that even though it wasn't pricey was based on a conversation we had two months ago proving he does pay attention and he didn't buy a birthday present for his best friend, also a girl. He also treated me to dinner. Once he let me wear his jacket when I was cold and offered his hat another time we were outside and I was getting cold. Even today he noticed I was shivering and asked, "Are you cold?"

 

6) Our pictures together appear more warm towards each other than pictures he's taken with other friends who are girls.

 

7) He even wants to meet my family! And when we are at a party, he always finds me and talks to me more than anyone else.

 

He might not like me based on that

1) I'm always the first one to email, he doesn't always respond to every single email, I'm always the one to take the initiative to ask him out, but he's always up for dinner or a drink soon after my asking.

2) He has also been on match.com, but has stopped, but took a friend up on her offer to set him up which she never did.

 

The sad part is we did get in a little tiff a few weeks ago (I think my tiredness of liking him and not getting anywhere) and it was totally stupid. We had dinner last night and he seemed to be a little distant, but warmed up during dinner (for instance, he almost took his first sip without doing the cheers). He also told me last night he has an interview on the other side of the country. Sad because even if we don't get together before he moves, I'm not sure how our friendship will last considering I'm always the first one to make the first move via email. :-(

 

Don't know what to do. I really do like him as a person and scared that if I were to share my feelings with him, he'll be embarrassed and it won't be the same. I think I am guarded and that I really don't flirt with him when I have the chance....although I have had sent emails that might show my feelings a little bit and he has responded, but not as much as I have.

[spiderowl]

Some of his behaviour suggests that he's sweet on you. If it hadn't been for the fact that you usually make first contact, I would have said he definitely is. It could be he's used to you doing the work, making first contact, suggesting things? Why do you usually do this? Why not see if he does and if he doesn't, make other plans for an evening? If you do all the work like this, he's going to think it's all dead easy and take you for granted. I think you need to show him, subtly, that he shouldn't do this.

 

Withdraw your time a bit. Leave a bit earlier than he expects. Don't be the first to contact him, but respond if he does. If he really does like you romantically, I think he'll realise that he needs to be more assertive or he'll lose you. I think in general guys don't respect women who do all the work and take the initiatives. If you do, you start to become like his 'mum' who is always there in the kitchen, washing and making the tea, and who organises everything in the background for him, rather than his potential lover. His lover is more exciting and unpredictable. She isn't at his beck and call and he can't take her for granted either.

Edited February 27, 2011 by spiderowl

[Fixyou]

Thanks Spiderowl for your response. I'll give it a try and see if he does respond. I think the reason I do make the first move is that I'm on email a lot because of work and it's easy for me to do the reaching out. But I'll see what happens and see if he does reach out to me.

 

something interesting happened last night at a party for a mutual friend. We were the last people to leave when he got up with the birthday girl and gave everybody a hug except for me. He's close to the door when I ask him if he's walking home and he says that he got a ride. We live about 1/4 mile away from one another so I was upset that he didn't think to ask me if I also wanted a ride or even think of asking if I wanted to leave with him since we usually leave together and walk home together. After he left, I complain about this to my two other friends who are there when he comes back and asks if I'm coming. I tell him no, that I was going to continue hanging out when he says, "I'm baffled." I had a little too much to drink and I told him to just go since I was going to explain that I was hurt and angered that he or anyone he was going with didn't think of asking if I wanted a ride as well -- when there was room for me.

Edited February 27, 2011 by Fixyou

[spiderowl]

Good for you for not going with him. You're entirely justified in being hurt. I wouldn't make a big thing of it though, as I say, I'd just withdraw my time from him significantly, enough to make him realise I'm not available unless I'm treated well. I'd be too busy doing other important things. You will teach him how to treat you. It might take a while for the penny to drop with him and for him to stop coming up with excuses as to why he's taking you for granted but try to separate yourself from this and go by how he makes you feel and how he is actually treating you. They are good guides. Remember to respond and be warm and loving when he treats you with care and respect.

[Fixyou]

That's some great advice... especially the separating myself from this and how he makes me feel.

 

I think I will give him some time to himself, since we just seem to be making each other upset -- which just might be because I'm so tired of him taking me for granted. It'll be hard, but I'll do my best. :-)

 

Thanks again!

[Fixyou]

Figure I would give an update as to what happened. Around March, he says he's moving on the other side of the country. I'm one of the three people (my best friend, his best friend and me) who helps him get ready for the move. He moves in May and we text each day and talk on the phone a couple of times.

 

Around June, said boy said he was going to come visit. I was very excited and told him I would go pick him up at the airport and super happy to see him soon. That night, I have dinner with our mutual friend, one of my best friends. I had always been jealous of the two, thinking there was something building between them, but I never was told of anything, so figured I was just being jealous and seeing things that weren't there.

 

However, that night, she told me that said boy was going to be staying with her, because something was going on between the two of them. They had been dating since before he left and that the distance didn't keep them from dating. It's now December and she's met his family, he spent Thanksgiving with her and her family and she's thinking of moving out there.

 

Oh well, just glad I didn't say anything since it would have been too embarrassing to have gotten the rejection. Cause even the rejection I got that night was incredible hard and I still felt like a fool for even having had feelings for him.

 

Life goes on....and I've learned to trust my instincts better and to not let things go on forever! Blah!

Edited December 11, 2011 by Fixyou
Missed an important part of story to make sense.