glastig Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 I'm only 24...I have been dating this guy for 5 years. We have house together, a dog, nice things, etc. Everything seems to look good on the outside. In reality it seems like he wants nothing to do with me. He spends most of his time on the computer probably watching porn. He has even told me in the past he is not attracted to me anymore. One day he is, the next he isn't. Almost everyone I know is telling me I am way too good for him and wondering why I am wasting even more time. When I threaten to break it off with him he acts like he doesn't even care which makes it even harder to let him go! It just seems like no matter how much effort I put into everything, it won't change a thing. If he doesn't enjoy my company and isn't attracted to me why does he still want to live in my house???? I am starting to think things would be a lot better if I was single. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 If you're paying most or all of the bills that could be why he's sticking around. Why haven't you broken up with him if he clearly does not express an interest in being with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Back Burner Gal Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 So why are you still with him? And why does his not caring make it harder for you to break it off? Time to get yourself to therapy. The more indifferent he is = the harder it is to leave is a classific psychological childhood issue. You are likely trying to resolve old issues with your boyfriend. Like the old daddy didn't pay attention to me, so I will continue to try to resolve the pain of this by using proxies (other indifferent men) and seeing if I can force them to love me. If I can change just entice one indifferent man into a loving relationship then I know it was daddy and not be and I can let go of the pain of being rejected by daddy, etc.... It might not be daddy issues, but other rejection issues, fear of abandonment, and very likely fear of being on your own. Therapy. How many times have you threatened to break it off with him? How come you haven't followed thru? Do you know the story of crying wolf? If you've done it more than twice, no wonder he's indifferent to the threat. It's hollow and manipulative and melodramatic. Ho-hum. You can't force people to love you and you can't force people to change. No matter how much effort you put into it. Putting more effort into a relationship than the other person, especially increasingly more effort as the other efforts fail doesn't make you more worthy a partner, it can actually set you up for the annoying martyr trap. No one likes to be around a martyr who thinks they are too good for them. Look up co-dependency. This is a classic manuevre of co-dependents. When working at a relationship produces no results, don't give up on the relationship (like non co dependents would), work harder, put in more effort, try again and again. You've been with this guy since you were 19, almost your whole adult life. Are you afraid to be on your own, single? Why are you still with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Back Burner Gal Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 "...He has even told me in the past he is not attracted to me anymore. One day he is, the next he isn't..." He's not attracted to you. The days he is, he's just horny and you are putting in so much effort you are just convenient. It's not that he's suddenly attracted again, you're just available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glastig Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 "...He has even told me in the past he is not attracted to me anymore. One day he is, the next he isn't..." He's not attracted to you. The days he is, he's just horny and you are putting in so much effort you are just convenient. It's not that he's suddenly attracted again, you're just available. Totally true. Funny thing is, I'm really not attracted to him anymore. We are turning into best friends. Probably just a good idea if we break up. It's not that I have "daddy issues" or anything, I've just been really busy getting my career going to think about breaking it off. I have my own house, my own life too and I am not dependant on him. I mostly prefer to be alone. He can still be a good guy, just not for me. I can't be around self absorbed people for too long, they just suck the life out of me. I'm a pretty outgoing person, I like to do things outdoors and he would rater surf the net. Just too different! Why do most people come to the conclusion you have "daddy issues" if you find it hard to let someone go? I have known this guy for close to 9 years, so obviously it's hard to break it off. Most people have been through the exact same crap. I am just trying to focus on myself and do things I enjoy, not force myself to do things he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 (edited) If he doesn't enjoy my company and isn't attracted to me why does he still want to live in my house???? I am starting to think things would be a lot better if I was single. Is he freeloading on your paycheck? Who's paying the bills in your house? You deserve someone who cares more about you than this. Even if he's no longer in love with you, he shouldn't be watching porn in front of you out of respect for you. (assuming that it hurts you) Edited March 1, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
Author glastig Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Is he freeloading on your paycheck? Who's paying the bills in your house? You deserve someone who cares more about you than this. Even if he's no longer in love with you, he shouldn't be watching porn in front of you out of respect for you. (assuming that it hurts you) Funny thing is, is that he pays most of the bills. It's just natural for people to get bored of each other over a long period of time. If it doesn't work out, so be it. We had some good times. It's okay to grow apart-as long as I'm growing. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Funny thing is, is that he pays most of the bills. It's just natural for people to get bored of each other over a long period of time. If it doesn't work out, so be it. We had some good times. It's okay to grow apart-as long as I'm growing. Do you want things to work out? Link to post Share on other sites
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