To people who obsessively think, worry, feel insecure or down...

[Thinkalot]

I've listed many methods to overcome obsessive thinking, anxiety, insecurity, poor self esteem etc. I've suffered, and to an extent, still suffer, those things. I'm much better than I was though, so I can say the methods I've been advocating do work (PM me if you are new here and want to know them).

 

One though, has been helping me very much lately...and it's a simple one. Get busy, keep busy, focus on your life and your future. The little worries, the past, the insecurities soon fade into the background. Plus, you feel even better about yourself, and your self esteem goes up.

 

Anyway, next week , I might be back posting about a bad day I'm having. But for now, I can really say that keeping busy and active and involved in things, can really help stop the obsessive/negative thinking. Do courses, go to the gym, do other sports, write, read, whatever it is that gets you in.

 

The more you focus on the good in your life, the more good there is. The more you focus on the bad, the more bad there is (because you worrying creates tension, which creates tension...)

 

Anyway, this might help some of you get out of a rut. Believe me, I know it can be tough...but you can change your life bit by bit. Little steps. Setbacks. But eventually you move forward. If you think you may need medication to help get you started and get your brain back in balance, see a doctor and ask.

 

Good luck.

[jonathan]

but you also got to think that if we dont remember the past then there will be no momories. remember the past, but do not dwell on the past. that is what is helping me get through all this.

[Arabess]

That's why say the mountain looks so hard until you start to climb it. I think people look at all their problems as pne BIG problem instead of .....like you said.....tackle it one step at a time.

 

Great post TA!!!

[pav186]

ive had a couple not so good days lately, not as bad as i was a month ago, but ive just been a little down lately and some of the things i used to dwell on have been coming back into my mind. You're right, there are definitely some setbacks now and then but overall I have moved forward. Keeping busy has certainly helped me out. The hard part for me is that sometimes I feel like my obsessive thoughts are justified and thats when I get depressed the most. Othertimes I realize i'm being dumb and the thoughts just go away. It's annoying to think so much about something that cannot be changed, but its almost like a part of me thinks if i bitch enough or ask enough questions it'll erase what happened. The human mind is an interesting thing........

[Thinkalot]

You are so right! I can relate to you 100%. I feel the way you feel sometimes too...so frustrated and down. But then you get it back into perspective and move forward and things seem good again.

 

Sometimes the old thoughts hit me like a train too... I feel physically ill. But they pass and I know how to handle them now, and I know they WILL PASS. Sometimes in a day, sometimes in a week. That's where being busy and engaged in positive tasks can help ..it gets you through the rough moments.

 

And yep- worrying about the past, is a futile exercise. We know that rationally. But we don't always act rationally! And that's OK. We just learn from things as we go.

 

I find talking on here theraputic as well. I'm always glad to hear from others in the same boat as me, and only hope I can encourage you to keep going, even through the setbacks! I've come so far from the deep dark place where I was...I could hardly function normally, because my mind was constantly stuck on the same thoughts. Not anymore!

 

Plus, when I need help, I always find it on here.

[Fedup&givingup]

Thinkalot,

 

You said it all (for me personally) when you said to stay busy and think about the FUTURE. That is SOOO true, because you become more focussed on things of more importance.

 

I enjoyed this post. Your posts are upbeat and positive!

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

That is SOOO true, because you become more focussed on things of more importance.

 

 

That's the key isn't it- I don't know how many hours I have wasted thinking about things which happened 10 or even 15 years ago! That energy is so much better directed into current projects and relationships.

[longlegzs80]

THINKALOT: you always give such good advice. You know that I usually have a down perspective on everything, and could always use any advice on helping myself get better.

 

Now, my pm thing don't work and I can't seem to log in, but then when I do log in, my name shows in the member part, but does not say that I am registered. So, if you can possibly list some stuff that has helped up out, please feel free to type away and let me know. Thank you again. SARAH

[Thinkalot]

Lots of stuff Longlegzs...but you have to be fairly determined and stick with stuff...and also expect setbacks and just keep on going.

 

Some things..

 

read self help books, and books on improving self esteem..understand yourself

 

write positive affirmations...stick them on the wall...READ THEM EVERY MORNING and BELIEVE them

 

make a list of all the good stuff in your life, and about yourself

 

if thoughts get stuck and seem irrational (which happens to us obsessive types)...make a list of other thoughts which CHALLENGE the negative ones, and are more realistic...read this list when you get down, or stuck in the negative stuff...keep it handy.

 

Write stuff down in a diary to get it out of your head...venting is good. LS is also good for that.

 

Surround yourself with good people who care about you if you can, and ask for help

 

Take medication if you need to, to get started. Your doc will advise you.

 

See a counsellor, or psychologist

 

Keep things in perspective...look at the big picture

 

Get busy! Go to the gym, read, write, join groups, meet people. It will make you feel good, and enrich your life.

 

Know you are normal and great and not alone...ever.

 

Be gentle with yourself...we all have setbacks and worries. It's OK.

[pav186]

Hey thinkalot,

 

i was just wondering if youve heard about Exposure Response Therapy. Generally it has to do with confronting the thoughts instead of doing certain things to get your mind off the subject. Some people have written out in detail every little thought they had about what theyre obsessing about. Exactly how you picture everything, basically intentionally pulling up all the negative thougths. Apparently it de-sensitizes your brain to the thoughts and trains it to process the information and no longer view it as a threat. Ive read about this technique in a lot of recent books as a very effective way to deal with obsessive thoughts.

 

pav

[Thinkalot]

Yep pav, I have heard of it, and it is supposed to help a lot. My psychologist recommended it too. Actually, that part of the plan behind writing down every question I have about my bf's past in a little book. Eventually I get tired of doing it...it becomes boring...or I quickly realise I don't NEED the answers. I really think it does help.

 

Getting busy is only part of the strategy...confrontation has to happen too.

 

Good luck pav...glad you seem to be doing so well.

[miownwrstenimi]

Does anyone ever get obsessed over people in the present, people that do not really even give reason for worry, or for you all is it more the b/f 's past wives / girlfriends that bother you? I have gotten caught up in the obessive thoughts over my husbands past loves, but I seem to have moved on from that at this point(but who ever knows when it can come back), and am now in the more present women in his "life", people he works with, sees on the street, etc....Women whom he really doesn't even know, or have any real relationshiip with. I think when there is nothing to worry about, your mind just grasps for anything it can find to grab on to just to keep the anxiety there, it's like it's my security blanket or something. If I let go of all my worries and have none, what will I do with myself? And if I dare let go of the worries, and let my guard down, will I then get hurt? Isn't it better to always have your guard up and be expecting the worse for that way when it does come, you can say, see I knew it would happen???? Of course I know the real right answer to that, but my mind just doesnt want to catch on. I have to start believing in myself and that I am the wonderful person I know I am...and that he knows I am...and that I am worthwhile! Anyway, sorry for babbling on, just a few thoughts I wanted to jot down.....

[Thinkalot]

What you are describing is basically the heart of the problem. The need to obsess/worry, becomes all contolling.

I have not worried about people in the present, no...but that does not mean you are odd for doing so..it just means my recent obsessions have focussed on the past.

 

Before I met my guy, I was obsessed with counting calories and had an eating disorder! I didn't realise that my current issue was all part of the same problem.

 

I know what you mean, about your brain scrambling to find things to worry about. With time, practice, patience, and perhaps, meds, you can let that go, at least to a large degree.

[average guy]

just to add to your list, hypnotherapy has worked really well for me It's not as scary as it sounds, and mine asks me what I want to ahcieve or how I want to driect me under hypnosis.

 

Cheers

 

A.G.

[Thinkalot]

That's interesting. I tried hypnotherapy before I started seeing my psychologist and taking meds, and didn't find it helped me. Maybe my mind wasn't open enough to change at that point.

[average guy]

I don't think it would work on it's own. I did mine while I was on medication (or just after it - I can't remeber) and while I was still under the supervison of my doctor and psycharitrist, and seeing my therapist at least once a week. So I guess I should say I recommend it in addition to your other methods. You can even learn to hypnotise yourself and make your own self-suggestions

 

Cheers

[miownwrstenimi]

a few years back I was really good at "relaxion" exercises and positive "self talk", and I found that helped sooo much, but I haven't done that in so long....I must start trying that again. I've got a new baby (well she's a year now) and I feel that I just haven't had the time to put into helping myself(or doing anything for myself that is!), for so long. I need to start making the time to do the journal, relaxation exercises, and all that.....I don't think I have a choice now, as I feel my life is going to spin out of control if I keep up this harrassment with my husband...thinkalot you know how it is with the bf....they try so hard to be patient, but we push and push until they can't be patient anymore...and they lose their cool....yikes! See I think I've gotten worse since having the baby too, as I believe my hormones are just still out of wack....You all seem to have gotten so far and have so much advice, I do hope I can reach the point where you are one day.....

[Thinkalot]

You will miow...

 

I know when they lose their cool it's kinda ugly isn't it? I end up crying and he ends up yelling and swearing at me and telling me not to be a f*cking idiot! sound familiar? There is only so much patience a man can have after all...when you push.

 

You're on the right track now. Make time for you when you can.

[Dug]

Thinkalot ............I also believe that another key to controlling insecurities and related issues, is to identify hurtful people in your life and abandon them or at least keep them at a safe distance. I have posted several times about the woman I was falling for who had a pattern of collecting strangers for f*** buddies. I was willing to forgive her past behavior once she claimed to be solely with me, but she was always comparing me to these guys and was never willing to leave them in the past. I just couldn't deal with not knowing who she was with mentally and emotionally, so I had to put alot of distance between us until she eventually vanished from my heart entirely.

[Thinkalot]

Well, in that situation I don't blame you!