Is there hope?

[dreamingoftigers]

Craig, I cleared some space in my box.

 

Take a testosterone break and recover your patience. Go see a movie or something, or go play some pool.

[Seraph1]

What will you do when she changes her mind back again next week/next month/next year?

 

It's a mistake to let your life be ruled by an unstable person even if it's your own spouse.

 

The real question is why would you let her manipulate you like this?

 

This is so true. What happened in her life that made her come back to her safety net? Did she just recently split from someone else or lose her job?

 

I'm not trying to be mean... but when you really love someone you don't set out to cause them pain and then string them along for a rainy day.

 

I'm ashamed to admit that I did it once. Awful and I would never do it to someone EVER again. Yes, he was my safety net for when things didn't go well for me in the real world. It was selfish and when I came back to him... I never had any intention of staying there forever. I just planned on being there until something better came along... and I was looking for that something better all along.

 

I very much regret it...but now I can see and know when another woman is doing it to someone. We use the same moves, same excuses and same breadcrumbs. Don't be fooled. Only time will tell you the truth and the best way to do this is to take things super slow and let them work for you and your affection over a period of MONTHS. I'd say at least 6 before you even agree to 'be a couple again'. Most of the time they will lose interest in the first couple months...because someone easier will have come along.

 

If you worry that they will move on think carefully about how long you have loved her and haven't forgotten or moved on from her. A year. That should tell you how long a person can wait and work for another IF they LOVE them and really want to be with them. If your spouse can only be with you in HER timeframe...then all she considers you as is her option.

[Craig2425]

I'm starting to lose hope and faith in women in general. Maybe just marriage. There's not many people who seem to want to work thru things are there?

I need to sleep but probably won't be able to

 

This is so true. What happened in her life that made her come back to her safety net? Did she just recently split from someone else or lose her job?

 

I'm not trying to be mean... but when you really love someone you don't set out to cause them pain and then string them along for a rainy day.

 

I'm ashamed to admit that I did it once. Awful and I would never do it to someone EVER again. Yes, he was my safety net for when things didn't go well for me in the real world. It was selfish and when I came back to him... I never had any intention of staying there forever. I just planned on being there until something better came along... and I was looking for that something better all along.

 

I very much regret it...but now I can see and know when another woman is doing it to someone. We use the same moves, same excuses and same breadcrumbs. Don't be fooled. Only time will tell you the truth and the best way to do this is to take things super slow and let them work for you and your affection over a period of MONTHS. I'd say at least 6 before you even agree to 'be a couple again'. Most of the time they will lose interest in the first couple months...because someone easier will have come along.

 

If you worry that they will move on think carefully about how long you have loved her and haven't forgotten or moved on from her. A year. That should tell you how long a person can wait and work for another IF they LOVE them and really want to be with them. If your spouse can only be with you in HER timeframe...then all she considers you as is her option.

[Craig2425]

I'm still going to counseling( even if it's just by myself) but I'm looking for info for the emotional abuser. I can't find anything except for the people being abused. I've stopped doing it now that I see what I was doing but I don't want go backwards and ever do it to my daughter.

Like I said before I wasn't extreme but did Luther down when I got mad.

Any help would be great.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey give yourself a big of a break too.

 

I'll see if I can dig up a link for one of the sites if I can.

[Craig2425]

This is bs!

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, at least you are angry instead of depressed. Progress?

[Craig2425]

Well, at least you are angry instead of depressed. Progress?

 

No. I'm both. Mostly depressed.

[dreamingoftigers]

Guys are really great at Compartmentalizing.

 

What does your day look like today?

[Craig2425]

Hanging out with my daughter today and this is my weekend (yes were back to that already). So I guess she's got plans.

[Craig2425]

So after a month of being ignored and told she can't try anymore and doing really sneaky stuff I did some snooping.

Guess who she's been talking to ?

Her bf while we were separated and on our way to divorce.

I got lied to at first but I had exact times and for how long so she had to come clean on that.

She got real defensive and said it wasn't what I thought blah blah blah and who cares because she already told me she was done and wanted divorce.

 

I feel stupid for believing we could be different and I'm open for all to come here and say I told you so.

I have no trust in women at all and dot think I'll ever trust one again.

 

Since it was her place before we got back together I packed a few things and took my daughter( it's my week to have her) and went to my moms house.

Don't really see a point in staying now that I've found that out.

 

I feel gutted.....

One thing after another. How am I supposed to get by? No wife,family, see my kid half the time lost my job. Having a hard time finding another one.

The. To top it off she pulls this on me right before my 30th birthday.

 

Don't really have much to keep going. Only thing doing that is my daughter.

[Craig2425]

Funny how this guy is supposed to be Christian but he can come between a family. Same goes for her.

I don't know what I'll do if I see this guy.

I want to say something to him.

I dunno, guess I'm just pissed,upset and confussed

[marqueemoon4]

Funny how this guy is supposed to be Christian but he can come between a family. Same goes for her.

I don't know what I'll do if I see this guy.

I want to say something to him.

I dunno, guess I'm just pissed,upset and confussed

 

I went through the same thing Craig.. I even drove over to the OMs house and rang the doorbell and stepped off his property. Good thing he wasn't home.. of course the PRO VICTIM thought I wanted to A. get at her (I knew she was at work) and B. wanted to "threaten" her BF. I only really wanted to say that if I ever hear that he lays a hand on or mistreats my son he's done.

 

My exW also claims to believe in God.. I guess she thinks she is keeping a secret from him.. and that me being "mean" to her totally justifies cheating/lying/adultery. I'm pretty sure it doesn't. But she can live with it, its not my problem.

 

Craig, your daughter needs you. This is an extremely confusing time for her, do your best to take care of yourself and her. I know its a huge challenge. We're in the same boat.. I'm out of work too and quickly running out of money. I believe things will work out for me but its gonna take more time. I know exactly how you feel about trusting women going forward.. just remember not all of them are like your wife, thankfully. Believe me, I'll never open myself up to someone like I did in the past.

 

Keep the faith brother.

Edited August 20, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[Craig2425]

Oh right now I want to beat the **** out of this guys.

Thanks for the reply. Isn't it weird? You see or hear stuff like this but think that will never happen to me.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, and you never think that they will pull that crap until they do and then you look back and think, "how the Hell did I miss that?"

 

It's like aliens took their brains out one night in their sleep.

 

I am so, so sorry Craig.

[Craig2425]

How could she talk go this guy then go hang out with me and my family the next day and feel good about herself?

She swears her not trying have nothing to do with this guy or any other guy.

Lol . Yeah sure. You were trying and said things were good then all of a sudden just stopped and said you're done.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't think anyone in their right mind can feel good about themselves and do that.

 

WTF is wrong with women? There. I said it.

 

She's ill. Like seriously. That whole thing is crap. She should have had more respect for you as a husband, father of your child or at LEAST A HUMAN BEING!

[marqueemoon4]

I don't think anyone in their right mind can feel good about themselves and do that.

 

WTF is wrong with women? There. I said it.

 

She's ill. Like seriously. That whole thing is crap. She should have had more respect for you as a husband, father of your child or at LEAST A HUMAN BEING!

 

That's what I kept saying to my exW.. but nope. She won't even give me that.

[Craig2425]

I'm beginning to think she had this planned out to just get me back.

She had to go out last Saturday while my family celebrated my birthday. The day before she was talking to him and who knows when or after that.

What a heartless bitch!

I'm totally disgusted.

Should I say anything to this guy or just say screw it ?

[marqueemoon4]

I'm beginning to think she had this planned out to just get me back.

She had to go out last Saturday while my family celebrated my birthday. The day before she was talking to him and who knows when or after that.

What a heartless bitch!

I'm totally disgusted.

Should I say anything to this guy or just say screw it ?

 

You will accomplish nothing by speaking to this dirtbag. You have anger issues like I do.. it will just make things worse.

[Craig2425]

You're right,'i do. I told her earlier that if I see him I'm gonna kick the **** out of him and she got all defensive for him. He did do anything. Leave him alone. I was like damn! Wish you cared about me like that.

Seriously tho, I wanna kick the **** out of this guy

 

You will accomplish nothing by speaking to this dirtbag. You have anger issues like I do.. it will just make things worse.

[Steen719]

She or he will call the police, you will end up in jail and your daughter will not only be dealing with everything else that is going on, but then have to deal with that. Don't do it! It will cost you more than money; it can cost you more than STBXW is worth.

 

Take the time to enjoy your time with your daughter and know this. Down the road, sometime, this will not hurt like it does right now and maybe some day, you will be glad she if off your hands and on his.

 

Deep breaths...enjoy some fun with your daughter tomorrow.

[Craig2425]

You're right. I'm just really upset at the moment. I really want to but you're right. It will be more trouble then what it's worth.

 

 

She or he will call the police, you will end up in jail and your daughter will not only be dealing with everything else that is going on, but then have to deal with that. Don't do it! It will cost you more than money; it can cost you more than STBXW is worth.

 

Take the time to enjoy your time with your daughter and know this. Down the road, sometime, this will not hurt like it does right now and maybe some day, you will be glad she if off your hands and on his.

 

Deep breaths...enjoy some fun with your daughter tomorrow.

[dreamingoftigers]

Both of them are far more trouble then they are worth.

 

At least 3 year olds are cute :-)

[marqueemoon4]

You're right,'i do. I told her earlier that if I see him I'm gonna kick the **** out of him and she got all defensive for him. He did do anything. Leave him alone. I was like damn! Wish you cared about me like that.

Seriously tho, I wanna kick the **** out of this guy

 

Yep this is what chicks do.. turn on you and defend the OM. Not only will you get in huge trouble if you threaten or assault this POS, you'll also prove that you don't have control of yourself. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to kneecap the OM.. at the end of the day neither he nor your cheating wife are worth it. Don't compound your problems, please.