lemonlegs Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I have had 0 luck in sustaining a lasting friendship with any girlfriend. Sure, I have 'friends', but I don't feel as though I have an unconditional friend. Everyone else I know has had that one friend that they've been friends with since they were 13 years old. Not me. None of my good friends went to my highschool so we ultimately grew apart. I know that's no excuse, but it just happened, I guess.... can't change what has already happened. And I feel as though the 'friends' I do have from highschool won't be lifelong friends... they're not the type of friends that would be there for me no matter what, or so it seems....now I'm in my second year of University where it seems much more difficult to make friends, and I'm feeling this way. Sometimes it really gets me down.. what the hell is wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Girls tend to be really cruel to other girls. I've seen it among friends - even when I went to the recent rock concert. Girls would check out other girls, and give them a "sneer", as if they disliked what they saw. Guys aren't as judgmental towards other guys, but they also have to face rejection and cruelty from girls. In general, if girls weren't so damn attractive, I would be gay. At least based on the overall majority of female personalities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonlegs Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Girls tend to be really cruel to other girls. I've seen it among friends - even when I went to the recent rock concert. Girls would check out other girls, and give them a "sneer", as if they disliked what they saw. Guys aren't as judgmental towards other guys, but they also have to face rejection and cruelty from girls. In general, if girls weren't so damn attractive, I would be gay. At least based on the overall majority of female personalities. Yes, judgemental and in general, just not very understanding. For example, the other night a group of 4 girls who I USED to be much closer to were all going to a hockey game together and said I could meet them at a bar afterwards (which wouldn't be until 11 PM or so I thought) and I agreed, but was reluctant to wait around all night. I got invited to a party shortly after and thought I'd check it out and maybe meet them if it worked out like that. Well, at the party my coat was stashed away in a bedroom and my phone was in the pocket all night. The party was more fun than I expected and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while so I stayed until about 1AM and my friend sends a message saying, "If you didn't want to come you could have just said so..." as if I purposely stood them up. Obviously not, something clearly came up. It's not like she was there by HERSELF waiting for me, I was just an "add-in" later on so it didn't matter. If we were guys, they wouldn't give a crap am I right? Furthermore, because of past turmoil with us, I feel as though I get shunned a lot more if I'm the one that does something like that, whereas another girl they casually hangout with could do that with no questions asked. Now I won't receive an invite anywhere unless I basically ask for an invite. I just feel like there's so many politics in friendships. I apologized to her if I did actually hurt her feelings for some reason but this among other things is just unnecessary crap I always have to put up with from these "friends." Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I don't have a problem at all making girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Men and women can be catty and bitchy. Trust me, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
alethean Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I just feel like there's so many politics in friendships. I apologized to her if I did actually hurt her feelings for some reason but this among other things is just unnecessary crap I always have to put up with from these "friends." I agree. And guys can be just as annoying, in other ways, too. It's why, even though I have friends, I am a lone wolf most of the time by choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Yes, judgemental and in general, just not very understanding. For example, the other night a group of 4 girls who I USED to be much closer to were all going to a hockey game together and said I could meet them at a bar afterwards (which wouldn't be until 11 PM or so I thought) and I agreed, but was reluctant to wait around all night. I got invited to a party shortly after and thought I'd check it out and maybe meet them if it worked out like that. Well, at the party my coat was stashed away in a bedroom and my phone was in the pocket all night. The party was more fun than I expected and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while so I stayed until about 1AM and my friend sends a message saying, "If you didn't want to come you could have just said so..." as if I purposely stood them up. Obviously not, something clearly came up. It's not like she was there by HERSELF waiting for me, I was just an "add-in" later on so it didn't matter. If we were guys, they wouldn't give a crap am I right? Furthermore, because of past turmoil with us, I feel as though I get shunned a lot more if I'm the one that does something like that, whereas another girl they casually hangout with could do that with no questions asked. Now I won't receive an invite anywhere unless I basically ask for an invite. I just feel like there's so many politics in friendships. I apologized to her if I did actually hurt her feelings for some reason but this among other things is just unnecessary crap I always have to put up with from these "friends." Pardon, but this is an action on your part that deserves commentary- You did stand your friends up. How you might ask? By not being responsible in contacting them to say you had a change in plans. Sorry but as an adult I consider that behavior just as catty in essence. Take a look at how you treat them despite your desire to justify your own little actions. I am not in the least a fan of catty behavior or someone not taking the time to say Hey! I found a party I'll be at, perhaps I can take a rain check next time. So kindly take a look at your own active part and see if perhaps you contribute to this concern you addressed in your original post. I can sincerely say that at mid life age I still notice folks of various ages maintaining that catty behavior, some folks fortunately grow out of it and grow up to be considerate. May you find that path during your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonlegs Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Pardon, but this is an action on your part that deserves commentary- You did stand your friends up. How you might ask? By not being responsible in contacting them to say you had a change in plans. Sorry but as an adult I consider that behavior just as catty in essence. Take a look at how you treat them despite your desire to justify your own little actions. I am not in the least a fan of catty behavior or someone not taking the time to say Hey! I found a party I'll be at, perhaps I can take a rain check next time. So kindly take a look at your own active part and see if perhaps you contribute to this concern you addressed in your original post. I can sincerely say that at mid life age I still notice folks of various ages maintaining that catty behavior, some folks fortunately grow out of it and grow up to be considerate. May you find that path during your journey. I understand what you're saying, and inititally I did feel bad and apologized. It wasn't my intent to, I literally lost track of time and didn't have my phone on me, otherwise I would have. She said it was fine, and again I said, "I hope you're not too angry, sorry again." I just didn't like her reaction to assume that I didn't WANT to go. I would have loved to see them. In fact, I don't see why they didn't come to the party themselves as her boyfriend was there, but to assume that I just didn't want to was a bit rash. I would have understood more if she said "You could have let me know..." or something. I will admit I should have said something before. However, my reasoning for my thoughts is that if a guy in a group of friends did that, his friends wouldn't give a crap. And I know that for a fact becaues my boyfriend may say that he'll do something with his friends, but then just hang out with me and not tell them. They don't text him accusing him of not wanting to be with them or whatever. And as I previously mentioned, there's many girls that would do that in their casual group, but I feel as though I'm the only one that would receive backlash for it. Link to post Share on other sites
glastig Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Most girls are naturally predatory bitches constantly in heat. Although, just because you think your friends didn't give a crap that you were there or not maybe inviting you out was a last reach out or something. I understand that something else came up, but sticking to the original plan would have been a good idea, even if you think you were an "add-in" or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonlegs Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Most girls are naturally predatory bitches constantly in heat. Although, just because you think your friends didn't give a crap that you were there or not maybe inviting you out was a last reach out or something. I understand that something else came up, but sticking to the original plan would have been a good idea, even if you think you were an "add-in" or not. The thing is she didn't really INVITE me out. She did, but it wasn't like she was sitting at home and thinking "Hmm _______ was already excluded out of this hockey game, so I think I'll be nice and ask her to see what she's doing afterwards." It was more me asking what she was doing, her responding that she was going to a hockey game, me announcing that I'm desperate to get out of the house and do something, and then her suggesting it. Soo, yeah... Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Girls tend to be really cruel to other girls. I've seen it among friends - even when I went to the recent rock concert. Girls would check out other girls, and give them a "sneer", as if they disliked what they saw. Guys aren't as judgmental towards other guys, but they also have to face rejection and cruelty from girls. In general, if girls weren't so damn attractive, I would be gay. At least based on the overall majority of female personalities. You may have struck on something there. Perhaps some guys do go gay because of crap girls dish! I couldn't do that! Maybe girls are catty because of..... Bad catnip?! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 My pardons for not grasping all sides of the matter . I appreciate you coming forth that you may have handled it differently in retrospect. An apology to the friend did happen...so that was decent of ya . As to guys verses girls, I learned that Ladies tend to look out for one another. They can have a wonderful sisterly bond if it matures as such. So yeah, when I am out with friends and one of them doesn't show, bet your bottom dollar I check to make sure they either A: regrouped and had a change of plans or B: they aren't in some kind of trouble. True friends do that for one another, gender aside. Can you appreciate that about friendships? And yes, Guys do check up on each other ...at least the Ones who make plans . Its called integrity and being responsible. Being of ones word. Sounds like some folks are social friends and they carry a rather ca sara sara attitude..... People in general have a general rule...If ya cant make it, just send a shout out, if you can make it, be there. Its not catty in that way.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Wow, the hating towards females is coming at us from both sides. As some of you know, I'm old. I have a friend who's been one since my birth. (Our fathers went to med school together, then did their residencies in the same hospital across the country, where she and I were both born, before moving back "home" to start their practices. ) D and I have been dear friends all our lives. I have female (and, just for the record, male) friends who I have picked up at every stage of my life from middle school to high school to college to living in 2 huge cities and a few rural outposts who are STILL dear, cherished, trusted friends today. Speaking for myself, I was a catty friend. I am ashamed to admit it. Some of the behavior I indulged in within friendships was horrible. At one time, some of my friends decided to dump me for two years. This was during my self destructive and drug addicted phase - they had tried to stand by me and help me, or even to have fun with me. Those things proved to be impossible at that time. Fortunately for me, I got my life turned around and every last one of those friends is near and dear to me today. During a terribly difficult time in my life (hellishness around divorcing my heroin addicted ex husband), groups of women with whom I was not particularly close - moms of girls in a program my daughter was deeply involved in - rallied around to help me in ways I did not even know I needed. I still can't imagine getting through that phase without their help. Also during that time, close women friends (and my sister, as well as my other sister's husband) used their precious resources of time and money to fly to where I lived to help me survive and extricate myself, and to get launched in a new direction. I am not writing all this to brag. This thread inspired me to give props to the friendships that have sustained me; friendships with women. Throughout my life, I have often heard and read stuff like this OP - "women are too catty to be good friends." I have to say that if a woman finds herself in this predicament, she is going to have to look AT HERSELF. Her own approach to friendships with women is going to define the kind of friendships she is able to form and maintain with other women. True, certain aspects of society tend to depict women as "predatory bitches" (as someone on this thread has labelled us) who are all in bloody competition. If you would like to participate in this nasty way of life, that is up to you. As for me, I am moved to spend part of my day today reaching out to some of my women friends who have been there for me, and to let them know that I appreciate them every day. I love my ladies! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Thank you Mme Chaucer for sharing that tale and how you regrouped and gained true friends. The OP is still at the stage of recognizing that some folks (gender aside) carry cattiness and its not a positive trait to maintain thru life. Maybe the good news for the OP is they are seeing it and not wanting to be that way. Life lesson so to speak. Cattiness can vary and be explained away all it wants, the bottom line is to refrain from it as one progress's and gains true friendships, and yes that sisterly love that can flourish. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Isn't it pretty stereotypical to say all women are catty? I'm not catty...my female friends aren't catty. Women I meet for the first time aren't catty. In fact, I find women to be really nice and sweet. I have no problem making friends with girls, in fact, I have a harder time making friends with guys. Am I missing something here? Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchesscarrie1985 Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 I have seen cattiness from many women from all ages shapes, colors and races. I work in a mall you wanna enlighten yourself to this behaviour watch people (women) more so but men too (not just the gay ones either). One such example is: i was sitting at a bench watching a woman with a baby carriage. She went up to a cell phone booth started getting help from the sales rep. A pretty woman aged probably 32 walked past the woman with the baby carriage and gave her a dirty look and huffed, because the baby carriage was slightly out in the hallway, there was still lots of room for a woman as thin as her to get by. The beautiful part of this story is that this skinny pretty woman was wearing a very short skirt which in a matter of seconds got hooked on her purse and pulled up so that her underwear and ass cheek were fully showing in the mall. I guess it didnt pay for her to have a get the hell out of my way im more important to you attitude, like she did. It was really funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchesscarrie1985 Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Other examples include girls who wear there sunglasses inside the mall and look other women up and down and laugh or snicker. Many are nice enoigh to take their sunglasses off and behave this way. My point is its very common, and not prone to a specific age group or type of women. Its super annoying and it makes me not want to be friends with women. Men are less catty and more straight up with you. These women seem to have a superior attitude for some reason. People always attribute it to low selfesteem or competition for men, men arent even around half the time so i dont see why thy should matter. I dont give a rats ass if they are dating a brad pit look alike its no reason to be snobby cows to random women they dont even know. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Yes OP, I do think that girls can be very catty with each other, but I also think that it's because these type of girls usually they lack self esteem and do not really know themselves. I have found that the best way to make friends with girls is to be almost humble in the beginning of the friendship. Meaning to try to be on the same level (of course, most of this will come naturally if there is a connection) and to be honest about what kind of person you are (this applies to any friendships whether it be male or female). I can usually spot the catty girls pretty quick because their demeanor will give them away. They will usually look you up and down, not talk to you directly, or divert any attention away from you if they see you as a threat (this could be by either changing the topic being discussed in a group of friends if it pertains to you, bragging about their wonderful and exciting lives, or flat out ignoring the fact you're even there). These girls are not worth my time and I usually just brush them off. There are many good quality women out there however that are secure in themselves and make wonderful friends. When you do find a good female friend, you can trust that she will respect you and care about you, and it's important to let them know that you truly value their friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
mikkyedward82 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 hye dear Men and women can be catty and bitchy. Trust me, I know Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonlegs Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 I forgot about this thread! Thanks everyone for your responses. I know it was a very generalized statement and I apologize for that. I'm typically a very friendly, humble, down to earth, and non-judgemental person, not to toot my own horn. I've never had problems finding or maintaining friends, but circumstances in the last two years have prevented me from bettering my existing friendhips or making new ones. It really sucks.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts