When is flirting appropriate or inappropriate? What constitutes harmless flirting?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Okay Ladies, I'm in need of enlightenment...

 

So what exactly defines or constitutes 'harmless' flirtation for you? (I understand that this is subject to individual interpretation).

 

Where do you drawl the line between appropriate and inappropriate flirting?

 

And if you have spouses or partners, would you feel comfortable knowing that they were flirting in the same way, or perhaps were on the receiving end of the same kind of playful attention from another woman? Would you also feel comfortable if you SO witnessed your harmless flirting?

 

Last but not least: Have you ever been in a situation where the person you were flirting with misinterpreted the mixed signals and actually took you serious? If so, how on earth did you handle it?

[jmargel]

Emotional affairs are cheating. In fact even worse than just a physical one. Taking you have for someone within your heart and giving it to someone else is the worst of betrayals.

 

Where do you drawl the line between appropriate and inappropriate flirting?

 

When you do something that you know would hurt your mate, or something you do that you wouldn't want done to yourself by your mate.

 

And if you have spouses or partners, would you feel comfortable knowing that they were flirting in the same way, or perhaps were on the receiving end of the same kind of playful attention from another woman? Would you also feel comfortable if you SO witnessed your harmless flirting?

 

You'll get different answers, because each person is different. This is a question for your SO to answer. If my fiancee would be flirting with other men, I wouldn't stay. I don't share my heart and I don't compete for love. I'm sure most others feel the same.

 

Last but not least: Have you ever been in a situation where the person you were flirting with misinterpreted the mixed signals and actually took you serious? If so, how on earth did you handle it?

 

Happens all the time, and it did for me. I was single when this happened. Just being nice to a person who's been depraved of affection and love for years can be enough to have that person really fall for you.

[gaia]

Aha. My current pet subject!

 

I do think this varies for everyone. My definition, I suppose, is that there should be no intent to take it further. It's just done for the pleasure it brings both parties - feeling appreciated, attractive etc. Of course, the dangerous bit is that you can't really control the other party's response. So you need to be selective.

 

In a lifetime of flirting, I only had one sticky situation (no pun intended!). I ran away. Quickly. The lessons were learnt. It's never repeated itself.

 

My husband wouldn't care about what I do - he's seen me in action. Actually, he's just as bad. Neither of us has a problem with it. We trust each other completely.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Gaia,

 

My questions were originally posted as a response to another thread that caught my interest where you and another female poster were discussing the difference between 'harmless' flirting and emotional infidelity. I suppose I had asked so many questions that one of our mods decided it warranted it's own thread.

 

I had given up, thinking it would now be hopelessly lost in LS abyss forever, but I’m so glad you found it and replied!

 

The reason I was curious is because I have several female friends who are overtly flirtatious when not in the presence of their SO. But they severely modify their behavior when in the company of their partners. I also know for a fact, that on the rare occasions when they have caught their husbands doing the same thing, they were not so inclined to consider it as innocent as they were when defending their own behavior.

 

The proverbial ‘double standards,’ I suppose.

 

I think if two partner’s (like you and your husband) are both aware and accepting of each other’s flirting, than you are not in danger of crossing that relationship boundary which defines ‘infidelity.’ However, if someone behaves differently when they are away from their partner than they do while in their presence. . .than that behavior really isn’t as ‘harmless’ as they would like others to think.

 

PS…I must say, that I’m certainly not as ‘secure’ with my relationship as some of you other ladies are out there! The LAST thing I want to see is ‘my partner in action’…unless, of course, its with ME!!

[EnigmaXOXO]

When you do something that you know would hurt your mate, or something you do that you wouldn't want done to yourself by your mate.

 

Jmargel, you and I share the same opinion on this one!!

[mommy78]

Appropiate Flirting: Smooth Body Language (sitting close to each other, smiling from across the room, winking, etc.)

Nice Compliments

 

Inappropiate Flirting: Touching and Grabbing, especially in appropiate places (thats harassment)

Nasty Compliments

 

Some girls feel really uncomfortable when guys flirt by using contact. I feel uncomfortable if I dont know the guy and he puts his arm around me....gross!

[pav186]

I think its natural for someone to flirt less when they are with their significant other, in fact i would consider it pretty rude to do it in front of my gf or if she did it in front of me. But when we're apart I dont mind as much cuz its fun to do, and I was a waiter last summer and did it a lot with the girls that worked there, even if it was just to make work a little more interesting. Like one post said, if its with the intention of hooking up thats different. I think it has a lot to do with trust. Ive been fortunate enough to completely trust my two more serious gf's. But if I was with someone who had cheated on me I wouldnt feel comfortable with them flirting (I wouldnt even stay with them but some people do).

 

But i dont think that flirting more when ur not with ur partner really means much, honestly i dont really feel the need to flirt with other girls if im with my gf.

 

 

btw...how do u put those quote boxes in the relies??

[pav186]

I think its natural for someone to flirt less when they are with their significant other, in fact i would consider it pretty rude to do it in front of my gf or if she did it in front of me. But when we're apart I dont mind as much cuz its fun to do, and I was a waiter last summer and did it a lot with the girls that worked there, even if it was just to make work a little more interesting. Like one post said, if its with the intention of hooking up thats different. I think it has a lot to do with trust. Ive been fortunate enough to completely trust my two more serious gf's. But if I was with someone who had cheated on me I wouldnt feel comfortable with them flirting (I wouldnt even stay with them but some people do).

 

But i dont think that flirting more when ur not with ur partner really means much, honestly i dont really feel the need to flirt with other girls if im with my gf.

 

 

btw...how do u put those quote boxes in the replies??

[gaia]

Post: 6 | Quote:

 

Appropiate Flirting: Smooth Body Language (sitting close to each other, smiling from across the room, winking, etc.)

Nice Compliments

 

Inappropiate Flirting: Touching and Grabbing, especially in appropiate places (thats harassment)

Nasty Compliments

 

 

I think your definition of inappropriate flirting pretty much constitutes sexual assault!!!

 

BTW, what do you mean by a nasty compliment - do you mean overtly sexual comments that could be seen as threatening?

[Evo]

The way I see it, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't want my boyfriend doing when I'm not around!

 

Don't get me wrong... if you don't look someone's way once in a while or give a smile from a distance, then you probably don't have a pulse!! Everyone is different, but for me anyway, I would never all-out flirt with other guys. I'd rather flirt with my boyfriend - I can actually pursue something more with him! Heeheehee

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by gaia

BTW, what do you mean by a nasty compliment - do you mean overtly sexual comments that could be seen as threatening?

Your dancing black minions make me hard. I want to bend them over the bathtub and give them every inch of my love.

 

(Just trying to help )

[jenny]

wow! i was actually shocked by that!

 

re: flirting - we're a touchy group, but i agree basically with the standards set above.

[gaia]

Your dancing black minions make me hard. I want to bend them over the bathtub and give them every inch of my love.

 

LOL Yes, that's the kind of thing.

[jenny]

i'm going to pretend that you (gaia) said that to begin with, if that's alright, as it was vaguely and disturbingly arousing.

[meanon]

Your dancing black minions make me hard. I want to bend them over the bathtub and give them every inch of my love.

 

LOL gaia, what fun! Don't be coy now

[gaia]

Your dancing black minions make me hard. I want to bend them over the bathtub and give them every inch of my love.

 

OK,OK. It's a fair cop. This is the stuff my fantasies are made of!

 

Glad you felt the same Jenny - was beginning to worry about myself

[Arabess]

I think 'harmless flirting' should be assessed by it's INTENT. People flirt with various needs of outcome. If the outcome is to ultimately harm another person....then I consider it cruel and selfish. IF they flirt for FLIRT sake....I consider it delicious and wonderful. What a great ego booster for both parties!!!!

 

Some people take a flirt and enjoy the game. Others take a flirt as being a emotional dependence. It just depends on the two people involved.

 

If BOTH enjoy the 'art of the flirt' and understand the boundaries.....it is a most pleasant experience.!!!!!

[jenny]

i'm repressed enough to displace this all unto avatars; it's going to be a monstruous dark tim burtony night in terms of fantasy. the thought of your avatar, my avatar, and blockhead's avatar running around eating and bathtubbing other cute avatars pleases me to no end.

 

to bring this back around to the topic of hand: i consider banter acceptable and meaningless flirtation.

 

Your dancing black minions make me hard. I want to bend them over the bathtub and give them every inch of my love.

[Arabess]

^Yeah............but does one get 'turned on' by banter???????????

[moimeme]

Total aside: I think Dyer ought to abandon plans to be a lawer. I think he'd have a great career in fiction

[jenny]

lol, babies, i get turned on by the parlimentary channel and bill nye, the science guy. being aflamed by a turn of phrase of concept, to me, is just natural and indicates neither intent nor action. but it's really a subjective distinction, i guess.

 

i would rather have my honey running about getting het up about oil mergers (or whatever) than actually touching someone else, i reckon.

[gaia]

Originally posted by Arabess

 

I think 'harmless flirting' should be assessed by it's INTENT. People flirt with various needs of outcome. If the outcome is to ultimately harm another person....then I consider it cruel and selfish. IF they flirt for FLIRT sake....I consider it delicious and wonderful. What a great ego booster for both parties!!!!

 

Some people take a flirt and enjoy the game. Others take a flirt as being a emotional dependence. It just depends on the two people involved.

 

If BOTH enjoy the 'art of the flirt' and understand the boundaries.....it is a most pleasant experience.!!!!!

 

Absolutely. My views exactly.

 

Originally posted by Jenny

 

i'm repressed enough to displace this all unto avatars; it's going to be a monstruous dark tim burtony night in terms of fantasy. the thought of your avatar, my avatar, and blockhead's avatar running around eating and bathtubbing other cute avatars pleases me to no end.

 

I've got to hand it to you, girl. You're even weirder than me!!! I will never hear the term "bathtubbing" again without having intrusive pictures of avatar porn!!

[moimeme]

I will never hear the term "bathtubbing" again

 

And this is a term you hear often?

[gaia]

And this is a term you hear often?

 

That would be telling!!!

[jenny]

dammit. some people get the best of gerund-ic luck.