trishtrash Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 According to this artcle, a women can keep the ring if he breaks off the engagement to off-set the costs of setting up the wedding, which the woman's family is traditionally responsible for. http://www.learnalittle.com/etiquette/breaking-off-engagement.htm Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 If he cheated on you or broke it off and it wasn't your fault, then you keep it. If it was mutual or you did something that caused it, then give it back. Maybe after awhile I would give it back. I would probably be devastated at first. Link to post Share on other sites
DI Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Hi, I'm coming in a bit late here but just wanted to have my say. Years ago I was told out of the blue by my fiance that he'd met someone else and wanted to end our engagement, then without a pause for breath he demanded the ring back. There literally wasn't time for me to take in what he had said about having met someone new, let alone offer to return the ring. He told me to hurry up about it as he had a date with his new girl and I was making him late. I leave it to your imagination how I felt. If he'd had even the slightest consideration for my feelings I'd have immediately offered to return the ring, but I felt so angry and hurt that I said I didn't have to give it back. His only answer was that he had bought it and it had cost him a lot of money and if I didn't give it back he'd take it. I gave it back to him (as I would have done anyway), then he drove me home and told me to hurry up and get out of his car as he was late for his date and it was all my fault. Several months later I got a letter from him, demanding that I put in writing that I'd freely given up all claim to the ring. It turned out he was selling it to a local jeweller but they wouldn't buy it unless they knew it was legally his to sell. Of course I did as he asked - I had a wonderful new boyfriend by then and had more or less recovered from the shock and hurt. We both went on to marry our new people and both marriages have lasted. But can anybody blame me for feeling a little bit of satisfaction that his life has had more downs than ups since then, while it's been the opposite for me? His wife, whom he married within 6 months of our break-up, turned out to be 'the wife from hell', driving him to the edge of a breakdown, whereas I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world. I don't wish him ill, but am human enough to feel he got what he deserved. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by DI Hi, I'm coming in a bit late here but just wanted to have my say. Years ago I was told out of the blue by my fiance that he'd met someone else and wanted to end our engagement, then without a pause for breath he demanded the ring back. There literally wasn't time for me to take in what he had said about having met someone new, let alone offer to return the ring. He told me to hurry up about it as he had a date with his new girl and I was making him late. I leave it to your imagination how I felt. If he'd had even the slightest consideration for my feelings I'd have immediately offered to return the ring, but I felt so angry and hurt that I said I didn't have to give it back. His only answer was that he had bought it and it had cost him a lot of money and if I didn't give it back he'd take it. I gave it back to him (as I would have done anyway), then he drove me home and told me to hurry up and get out of his car as he was late for his date and it was all my fault. Several months later I got a letter from him, demanding that I put in writing that I'd freely given up all claim to the ring. It turned out he was selling it to a local jeweller but they wouldn't buy it unless they knew it was legally his to sell. Of course I did as he asked - I had a wonderful new boyfriend by then and had more or less recovered from the shock and hurt. We both went on to marry our new people and both marriages have lasted. But can anybody blame me for feeling a little bit of satisfaction that his life has had more downs than ups since then, while it's been the opposite for me? His wife, whom he married within 6 months of our break-up, turned out to be 'the wife from hell', driving him to the edge of a breakdown, whereas I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world. I don't wish him ill, but am human enough to feel he got what he deserved. :-) Just more proof that truly, what goes around, comes around. Life will treat you the way you treat other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Yellowlioness will have to "physically" break it off... Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 ...it depends. Generally, I agree w/ jmargel. If he did something to end it, she should be able to keep it. It was his gift, his token of commitment and he broke it off, so it's up to her. But if she breaks it off or it's mutual, the ring should go back to him. Personally, that may be my belief, however... If he did something bad to break off the engagement, I would give it back to him in anger. More as a symbol of "This is the way you behave towards me and marrying me?? Here's your ring back then. See 'ya!" If it's just not working out...then I would more likely give it back in sorrow. Ending a relationship is never easy and no matter how incompatible you both are to each other, it always sucks it didn't work out. After the engagement is over for whatever reason...what the hell would I do with the ring anyway?? I certainlhy wouldn't wear it. If he bought it, then he can take it back and get his $$$$ for it. It's his problem of what do with the ring after the engagement, not yours. That's how I see it. Link to post Share on other sites
DI Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 Yes, there wouldn't be any point in keeping it, but I don't think any man who is a gentleman should ask for it back. There's a world of difference in a girl voluntarily returning the ring and in giving it back because it's demanded of her. In my own case I would have felt better if I'd had the opportunity to say 'OK, I won't be needing this then' and handing back the ring - I feel, rightly or wrongly, that by having the choice and making the decision I would have had more dignity. But taking off my ring and handing it back to a man impatiently holding out his hand for it made me feel humiliated, as though I was trying to hold on to something I shouldn't. I think humiliation is at the heart of it, really. When an engagement is broken, especially when one of the parties has met someone new, there is enormous hurt and the pain of rejection and a feeling of 'what did I do wrong?' And hurt pride too, of course, especially when having to explain to other people why you're no longer engaged. One of the questions I was asked by several people was what I'd done with the ring. Of course I said I'd given it back but didn't say he'd demanded it; by just saying I'd returned it I managed to salvage a little pride in having done the right thing. So if any of you gentlemen out there find yourselves breaking off your engagement please do the girl a favour and leave the decision to her. There's never any need to add insult to injury. Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 Here is what I did: When I divorced now ex husband I left all jewelry that I got from him and his family on wedding and after. There was even no question. I would never wear it, I cannot see why to keep it? I had a one-year relationship after divorce. Ex boyfriend got me a diamond ring on Christmas. I tried to return him the ring when we separated and he refused. He got really upset when I insisted. I have the ring in a box for 3 years now. Never used! Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 You should pawn the ring then!! Maybe it could help you out with a nice little vacation! Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by katie79 You should pawn the ring then!! Maybe it could help you out with a nice little vacation! Hmmm Good idea! Anyone needs a ring? LOL I should have had more nice boyfriends. We could buy a house now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I would sell it, and go shopping. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 LOL Anais! Why not?? You offered to give it back a while ago and he didn't take it back. It's obviously yours forever. If you wont wear it, sell it! Link to post Share on other sites
DI Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Yes, I think I'd probably sell it, unless you feel it has true sentimental value. Since your ex was good enough not to want it back I think he'd be understanding enough if you decided to sell, not that he'd know anything about it anyway. And surely the fact that you've kept it so long, rather than immediately turning it into hard cash, is proof that you didn't see it purely in terms of monetary value. If you really don't want to sell it then why not have the stone set in another ring, then you wouldn't be wearing 'his ring' (well, not exactly!). It's a shame to keep a diamond from seeing the light of day. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
ready2moveon26 Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 I know the last post changed the subject a little, so I'm going to go with it. I was married (actually still am) for 4 years. The engagement ring my husband gave me was a family heirloom. When we seperated the first time, 2 years ago, I considered pawning the set, but reality set in and I decided to keep it for our daughter. When we got back together, he got me a new engagement ring and planned on getting me a new wedding band, but we seperated again before that happened. I kept the new ring and the old set. The old set no longer belongs to me, it belongs to my daughter, and she can have it when she graduates high school. The new ring is beautiful and I sometimes still wear it when I want people to leave me alone. If he were to ask for it back, I'd suggest we sell it and split the money. I think since it was a gift, he shouldn't get all of it and since it was a gift from him, I shouldn't get all the money. So my suggestion is to sell the ring and split the cash. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
twisty626 Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 Who Gets the Ring? After an engagement dead ends, the question on everyone’s mind is always, "Does she keep the ring?" You may be wondering the same thing. After all, you may have shelled out more on that ring than you’ve ever spent on yourself, so what gives? The law. Traditionally, the woman has kept the ring if the man did the breaking up, and she returned the ring if she’s the one who split. These days, while state laws may differ, a number of recent lawsuits have determined that legally the ring should be returned to you regardless. Why this good fortune? Basically, giving someone an engagement ring is not the same as giving your everyday "unconditional gift." The way the law sees it, you gave her the ring in exchange for her promise to marry you. Since she’s off the hook (whether it was her idea or not), you get to take back the rock. Period. When she won’t cough it up. Of course, love (or the emotional ball of wax that accompanies many broken engagements) doesn’t always work that way. After all, a proposal is an agreement with someone you love, not a clear-cut business contract. For this reason, when you did the dumping, your ex’s bruised ego may not be ready to hand over her newest piece of jewelry. Our suggestion? Consider backing off until she calms down. Give her a week and then call to ask her for the ring. She won’t be happy about it, but is likely to hand it over once someone straightens her out about her "rights" to the rock. On the other hand, in cases where a would-be bride’s family has incurred significant deposit losses incident to the guy’s decision to break things off, many guys choose to leave the ring behind as a "settlement" offer. Link to post Share on other sites
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