Am I done? Or do I still have a chance?

[phxsun]

Omg, you sound so exactly like me, it’s not even funny...no wonder I feel like there’s no way my “J” can see me as a girl if I think so much like a guy...well, it’s kinda sad for your bro that J obviously doesn’t like him, but great for you, except for the fact that she texts more with him? Are they better friends, or do you think maybe their texts are more utilitarian and yours are more meaningful?

 

Anyway, I agree about the taking time and just relaxing with it. That’s what I’m gonna do, just sort of let it be. The frantic wondering/worrying is getting old, and I don’t think that’s what love should feel like. These loves of ours are so very quiet in their own way, they probably just need to be left alone and not picked at so they can develop properly. You are definitely right, love WILL find a way. Let’s just let it wash over us and enjoy it and let whatever happens happen (lol, at least until the next time we feel like if we can’t BE with them we’re gonna burst!). But, yeah, be the guy that you are, and if she sees it, great—if she doesn’t, then do you really want her after all?

 

In the end, and this is what I have been telling myself, if it doesn’t work out at all, then at least you have a better idea of what YOU are looking for. Like, “I want someone like her, but for me.” Cuz if these people are not for us, they’re close enough that maybe when we DO meet the ones for us, we’ll be better able to recognize them! Sigh.

 

My bro and the guy she messages are two different people. I don't think my bro and J really messages each other much. He's really more of an obstacle than a threat at this stage. The guy she messages could be a threat at any time so I have to keep my eye on that.

 

I think you're right man. No need to feel crappy all the time because of small little things. That's the reason J has no feelings for my bro, he's too sensitive about stuff. Just gotta be cool and let her see me for me. Definitely be working on things but if I'm going to be feeling crap because of little things, I'm probably not the kind of guy she'll like anyway.

 

Who knows, maybe by the time I have her, I'll have fallen out of love with her. I mean, it surprised me to have fallen for her so falling out of it could happen.

 

Good luck with your J and thanks for your help

[indija]

Thanks for YOUR help...it's good to get a different perspective, and at least I don't feel like I'm the only foolish one. You sound like a great guy, and surely these J's will see that soon enough. Chat with you soon!!

[phxsun]

No problems my man. It was good just to air out some things since I like to keep things to myself mostly.

 

If anyone else wants to add anything else, I'd love to hear more.

[fresh8]

After skimming through all the posts and information, I will put in my 2 cents for you.

 

When she calls you a 'brother' - I would take it (as explained before) that she probably sees you as that. Not a brother in the family sense but a guy she can depend on and trust. This is not a bad thing. It's a good basis for a relationship whether you are friends or go the next step. However, I cannot say that she thinks this way. What I can say is that I don't see this as too big of an obstacle.

 

My experience is as follows: this girl liked me 3 years ago, I only saw her as a 'sister'. A year later, after hanging out more, I liked her but she only saw me as a 'brother'. A year after that, we got together. In my case, it was because there was a 8-10 month break where we did not see each other. We stopped being friends and started to hang out again and the romantic feelings were mutual the third time round.

 

I do note that it's going to be harder for you to break out of the friendzone. However, take this into account: when she told me she saw me as a brother, she did not reject me right away. I had told her I had feelings for her and I just wanted to get it off my chest. I then asked her if she would feel weird if I chased her but she actually said no and wanted to see if any feelings would develop. Unfortunately, we never got that chance to see if anything could have developed. At the time she was interested in another guy but I was really confident I could convince her to be with me. I thought it was a great sign she didn't tell me to 'f off'. You got to be confident you can get the girl too.

 

I do see positives if you told her your true feelings but obviously only at the time that you feel is right. I do note that perhaps you should do it sooner rather than later because from what I have read, you say there is another guy in her sights?

 

I'm sorry if I've missed this but: How often do you guys talk/text? How often do you meet in person?

 

I need to admit that I don't think it's a great sign that she brings a third wheel to dinner with you. Her being physically close with you is a positive though as she is comfortable with your presence.

 

Anyways, breaking out of the friendzone is not rare and is not impossible. In fact, as I speak, one of my girl friends is testing the waters with a close friend of hers. Her group is very close (4 girls, 2-3 guys) like yours. So it was a big step for both of them. In her case, she told him she liked him a month ago. A month later, they both talked about it and what I've heard last is that they are seeing what happens. The reason why it's so slow is because they are worried about their friendship being thrown away. The point, though, is that they have talked about it and are trying to see if it will work.

 

Good luck man. Hope that helps!

Edited March 10, 2011 by fresh8

[phxsun]

You don't see it as a big obstacle? I see it as the biggest. Even more so than my mate who has a thing for her still. I've started talking to her less when it's not in person hoping to break down our friendship in a subtle way and building it back up differently when I see her in person. I guess I can't not see her for 8-10months because she is part of my close group and without the group, I really don't have close friends I go out with much. This is probably the best compromise I can make. I'm just hoping it's enough.

 

I actually thought it over in my head about how I would tell her. I would come out saying like, "I like you, but you probably didn't notice since I keep things on the down low pretty well. I don't know how you feel about me right now, but I feel we have good chemistry together and I think we can make it work. But if you don't see me in that way at all then we can leave it at this and we just keep walking like we always did. But if there's any part of you that see me as something more than a friend, I want you to give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not like any of those other boys out there playing you and that I'm for real."

 

Something like that. Sounds pretty corny but this is probably how I would tell her, when I do. I don't want to put her on the spot and make her choose straight away. Is this the way to go?

 

There was only one guy in her sight, I don't think he's a major threat like I've mentioned in my posts, but since they message each other with regularity (I don't know the content of their conversations), he is someone I have to keep my eye on. Thing is, he's pissed her off of multiple occasions before and he also lives in another state (few hours drive) and it's a little harder for them to meet.

 

But yeah, we used to message and chat online most nights. But I've sort of backed off a bit to try and break down and rebuild what we have. So now, I only really chat to her once or twice a week, same with messaging. We meet up usually around once a week, sometimes I drive to the best friends house to hang out (the best friends house is sort of the hangout joint) and she'd be there so sometimes twice a week.

 

The third wheel thing is an issue, but because I'm great friends with the best friend as well, she probably thought I implied we should be inviting the best friend too.

 

I'd tell her now if I could but I don't think now is the time. I'm not under any real pressure to tell her so i want to use this time to try and work something with her and break out of the friends zone.

Edited March 10, 2011 by phxsun

[fresh8]

You don't see it as a big obstacle? I see it as the biggest.

 

It is an obstacle but at least she doesn't hate you or anything. But after more consideration, you are in a pretty tough situation and if you play your cards wrong - your friendship could go pearshaped. I obviously don't know the two of you and am just thinking of worst case scenario.

 

Something like that. Sounds pretty corny but this is probably how I would tell her, when I do. I don't want to put her on the spot and make her choose straight away. Is this the way to go?

 

I think differently. I'd put her on the spot by saying you have feelings for her and ask how she felt about you. Ask to take her on a date and see if anything could develop between the two of you. I always reckon that if you give a girl time to think, it just makes it easier for them to reject you.

 

Again, you know her better than I do. I don't know if she would freak out or something if you did that.

 

But yeah, we used to message and chat online most nights. But I've sort of backed off a bit to try and break down and rebuild what we have. So now, I only really chat to her once or twice a week, same with messaging. We meet up usually around once a week, sometimes I drive to the best friends house to hang out (the best friends house is sort of the hangout joint) and she'd be there so sometimes twice a week.

 

Well, I think it's a good approach limiting the time you are seeing her. I'd be inclined to suggest that when you feel like it's possible to tell her, start seeing her more often and checking to see if she's giving you hints and all that.

 

Have you done anything to hint to her that you are interested in her? And does she initiate conversation/meetings with you?

 

The third wheel thing is an issue, but because I'm great friends with the best friend as well, she probably thought I implied we should be inviting the best friend too.

 

Ever thought of asking her to a movie or dinner and clarifying that it is just for the two of you?

 

I'd tell her now if I could but I don't think now is the time. I'm not under any real pressure to tell her so i want to use this time to try and work something with her and break out of the friends zone.

 

Understandable. I reckon you just need to keep throwing hints at her and see how she responds.

[phxsun]

I think putting her on the spot may not be the way to go. I don't want her to freak and go into hiding or something. I really haven't proven anything so I just wanted her to know that I like her and would like to chance to prove that to her. It's a hard offer to reject when all I'm asking is a chance to prove to her, ya know?

 

How would I go about giving her hints?

[fresh8]

Google is your friend.

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Drop-Hints-to-a-Girl-That-You-Like-Her

 

From that list... just flirt, be a bit more touchy feely than you would be with other girls... just portray to her that you are different around her now than you were before. And she should think that obviously something has changed and maybe figure out that you may have feelings for her.

 

The unknown of exactly what is going on could draw her closer to you.

 

Well, that's what I think. Maybe some girl can actually back that up.

[phxsun]

Thanks mate. Will definitely look into that.

 

I certainly hope it goes the right way.

[fresh8]

Good luck man. I'm sure you will keep us updated.

[phxsun]

So I was over at the best friend's house last night just hanging out and J was over too. She was telling the best friend she was at the chiropractor because she has back pain and she asked the best friend for a back massage. She started and then she asked me to massage J's back because her hands are weak. So I gave her massage which lasted pretty long because she did look like she was in some pain.

 

I don't want to see the massage as any major step, but sometimes I do find myself questioning whether what I'm doing is working for me or against me. I definitely don't want to be working myself deeper into the friends zone, ya know?

[fresh8]

Try not to think too much! Go with the flow