Lovehurtssomuch Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 5 years ago, I followed the advices given on this website and I finally got this gal to become my gf after 1 and a half years of courtship. Today, I'm turning back to this website to get advice on a different matter - This gal cheated on me. I was 19 and she was 18 when I first discovered I got a thing for this gal. Over the course of 1 and a half years she rejected me two times before agreeing to letting me be her 1st ever bf. She was my 2nd gf. Things were quite arkward in the beginning 1 month, but as we got comfortable with each other...our love grew by the day. We shared our 1st kiss one month into our relantionship, got passionate 2 months later and she gave her virginity to me 9 months into our relantionship. I had to give up my civilian life to serve my conscription in my country's military force. I hated every moment of it, but every citizen in my country has to serve 2 and a half years of military service. When I was a soldier, I changed a lot. I started to be really self-centered and wanted time to rest at home instead of meeting up with my gal during weekends because during the weekdays I'm confined to camp. And when we meet...it's usually to make love. We have frequent quarrels and misunderstanding over the telephone all the time. Just as I'm finishing my term in the ARMY, she came to know a guy she met at a club. She told me they are just friends and I somehow trusted and believed her. Then things started becoming strange, I noticed that she got a lovebite on her neck and when I questioned her she said it was rashes and I actually believed her. It was only when I called her up late one nite and realise she was not home that I knew something was wrong. But the time I found out, it was too late, she already had sex with the guy twice. After confessing everything to me, I decided to call up the guy to ask him for an explaination, I was prepared to let my gf go if he geniuely likes her. Instead he denied everything, he said they were just friends and she was the one who liked him. It was all bull**** because he was definately the one who lead my gf on. He promised her and gave her everything I couldn't. she fell for it and gave in to his demands. They had unprotected sex twice and I was very worried that she may get pregnant or STDs. Thankfully her period came, but whether she's HIV infected or not...we are still not sure. Today, one month after it happened, me and her are still together. We have learned a lot from this incident and learned to love each other more. We'll never take each other for granted again and neglect each other's feelings. Our intimate moments are even more passionate than ever and I don't think of her as being used by another man. But our quarrels and misunderstanding also has become more frequent and serious, and it always relates back to the fact that she cheated on me. And there's another problem, I can't seem to get over it myself. I'm still having sleepless nites when I'll wake in the middle of the nite in my bed drenched in cold sweat and tears on my pillow. I'm prepared and I want to love her again, and I know that she'll never do such a thing again, but I need real good advice on how to get over it. My friends keep telling me that it always take something terrible to bring two people together and everything happened for a reason, if u love someone you gotta learn to let her go..i dun noe....it's so confusing for me...I really need help... can someone pls help me? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Wow! Coming back after five years! I wasn't here then so don't know your story. It sounds like the same old sameold, but I have to suggest counselling. Sometimes people can get over difficulties on their own, but sometimes they need help from people who understand how to help and this sounds like such a situation. There is a good site on rebuilding love at <URL removed> but you may also need some private counselling to deal with the aftermath of the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
valkyriegirl Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Go to counceling.. Believe me.. i cheated on my husband of 14 years and wish i went . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovehurtssomuch Posted April 4, 2004 Author Share Posted April 4, 2004 Apart from councelling, is there anything else I could do on my own to make things alrite? I just woke up from a nightmare again. Link to post Share on other sites
Qicah Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 In few days or months, you will come to forget it and your fears will stop haunting you. You will find your nightmares a natural thing then, you will have the thought 'This happens all the time, why still keep thinking about this?'. We are humans, capable of feeling even the worst emotions but you alone can handle it. You know what to do like not to think too much about what happened, forgive your gal, trust her again being sure to yourself that she will not do it again. Maybe she cheated on you coz you were not there when she needed you, when she wanted to see you and talk to you coz as you said, you were or rather you became so self-centered. Spare her a couple of hours in a week and attention. In this way, I'm sure, it will work between the two of you. Best of Luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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