dolphinsunshyn Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 LOL Arabess! Make sure you read my hangover cure on your other thread! Sounds like you'll need it!! Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Hi classy lady, Arabess, I'm not as familiar with the situation as others may be (able to read between the lines to figure out who this might be), but let's assume it is the most important man you've had a relationship with, and the father of your child. While there is a group that is bent on never forgiving or forgetting, I'd have no choice but to at least consider forgiving. I'm not saying it would "work." I'm not saying it wouldn't be risky. I'm certainly not saying it would be easy. But I am saying it could be worth the risk. On the other hand, if we assume the guy has had a less significant role in your life than the aforementioned, then I'd say, the hell with him, the risk could not possibly approach the reward. Hang in there, Samson P.S. What would be the best way to wiggle a worm? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 As Meanon said, you are a class act, Arabess. Your actions and mannerisms prove it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 I meant that in the nicest possible way Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 OK before I go to bed I need to know the answer to this question: P.S. What would be the best way to wiggle a worm? or is it a case of being separated by a common language? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Originally posted by Samson What would be the best way to wiggle a worm? Well. in FISHING you ease it in slowly....shake it a little till you get a bite....then shake it vigorously (not to be confused with FRENZY!) to make sure it's well hooked....then reel it in. HAHAHA! Then ofcourse, you take the head off and call it a fine meal. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 It all depends on what kind of agony the other person put me through. If we parted on bad terms (cheating, abuse etc) I'd probably be very short and tell them I'm not interested in communicating. I wouldn't respond to e-mail. If it's a case of someone being a fundamentally good person but leaving me because it just didn't feel right or maybe it was bad timing, that's a little different. I might at least talk to them for a moment or two and find out how they're doing and then get to the purpose of their call. I'd tell them upfront that I'm not interested in friendship, but if there's something they want to get off their chest, I might be willing to listen to it. I'd at least hear them out. And as someone said, if the person was especially important then maybe they deserve a moment of your time, though you don't owe them anything. Once someone's out of your life, they're out. It's your choice to let them back in. I think it would be tough to let an ex back in too far, though perhaps an occasional Christmas card or something wouldn't be so wrong. It would depend upon how my current significant other feels about it, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 I've never posted this story. I was dating/ engaged for over two years to a wonderful officer in the Army. He was stationed in Az, I live in FL. Due to being in military intellligence, he was gone a great deal out of the country. When on leave, he came to FL to spend time with my children and family. I took off summers to rent an apt. in his area. THEN he gets deployed to go to war in Iraq. He says he is going to PA to visit his child. He only went about once a year. Said the relationship with his ex was bad. She did take care of his elderly parents though at a price which he paid her....which is why he didn't have the financial means he should have. He goes to PA. I don't hear from him for 4 days which is wierd as hell. The last time he went he called daily. SO, I call his parent's house. His mom answers and puts a woman on the line which says "_______ isn't here, this is his WIFE....may I help you?". I mumbled something about a wrong phone number and DIED. I refused to see him or speak to him before he left. I even changed my phone number. Not only did I lose the love of my life,....but he was in a war. I have no words to describe how I felt each night as I held my breath and watched the news. It wasn't just love lost....he could've died. ..and I cut all communications. FIGURE a person like me writing the ulitmate Dear John letter from hell...during a war. It was unthinkable. I did send some mean nasty grams and meanie mails. I wanted to hate him. NOW, he's back home wanting to make contact. This is why I support our troops, this damnable war and every OW who ever posted on here. And none of this was ever my fault. I think Viv (the sweetest guy on earth) and Meanon (my best friend) were the only ones who knew the whole story. I thank them. And Jonathan...you CAD...thanks for always making it all better. LOTS of people judge affairs and have no idea what they are judging. And judge people not realizing how much love and support these people give cause they understand......and support others quietly without recognition. Thus is my STUPID story. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 No, I wouldn't want to contact him if I were you. If he can't be straight with you, he doesn't deserve a minute more of your time. Maybe he's changed, but maybe he hasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 I'm heartbroken, Arabess, I had no idea. I want to give you a huge hug, girl, and tell you that everything's all right. I'm so sorry... Love, bark/jester Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Barbie Would you walk back into a fire after it had already scarred you? You know what the answer is - you have often given it to OW who posted. Email him and tell him to vanish from your life and return only if and when he has the final divorce decree in his hands. You can do this. You can do anything! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Barbie, I know your story already but seeing it again made me cry. You deserve so much better, and you'll get it too as soon as you mend that broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Oh Barbie! My heart breaks for you. Do not call him. Email if you have things you wish to say, or think you could obtain closure. Do not open yourself to more hurt. You are such a lovely woman...the sooner you can let some of the pain fly free from your heart, the better. It will clear out more room in there to receive, and give, love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 For me to love again would make as much sense as eating ice cream on a diet. I would consider it self destructive....a slow suicide. Love is a young woman's game....... I have decided to enjoy men on a beer to beer basis..... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Barbie The best kind of love is healing. And I wish that for you. It will come - when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 The point is this Merry....had I done that 3 months ago.....I wouldn't still be pissed off. I'd be all weak and wabbled kneed. I'd be an IDIOT. I'd be VULNERABLE! As it is......I REMEMBER..... Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Through time you got somewhat over it. Speaking for myself also. I would have to go with A) 'hi' but no thanks? Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 If I got an email from said cretin, I'd click the little "Spam" button up top. But thats just me. Originally posted by Samson What would be the best way to wiggle a worm? Gently shake the tequila bottle. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Lead him on, start dating him again and as soon as you think he's falling for you rip B******d's heart out. Revenge is sweet isn't it? I guess that's only in the fantasy world. In reality I would probably say Hi and leave it at that don't let your heart get broken again. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Barbie, Anger and pain often go hand in hand. Let go of some anger, and you let go of some pain and hurt. Maybe for a while you feel like you are weaker and sad...but I reckon you have to work through ALL the emotions to get them out. Then you can really move on. Love isn't just a young woman's game! My mum experienced the love of her lifetime when she was about 55. She had never felt such intense love. Sadly, he became a born again Christian and left her to find himself in the church. The point is, do not give up on love or your focus on healing. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 The point is this Merry....had I done that 3 months ago.....I wouldn't still be pissed off. I'd be all weak and wabbled kneed. I'd be an IDIOT. I'd be VULNERABLE! As it is......I REMEMBER..... AHA! Someone is looking out for you because it didn't happen 3 months ago! You've had all that time to firm up your resolve. See! My mum experienced the love of her lifetime when she was about 55 My dad met my stepmom then. This was his 'one'. It just took them a while to find each other. Fortunately for me! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 My mum experienced the love of her lifetime when she was about 55 My dad met my stepmom then. This was his 'one'. It just took them a while to find each other. Fortunately for me! The love of my life is now 52. Maybe there's hope for me yet! Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 The love of my life is now 52. Maybe there's hope for me yet! I'm only 21 I don't want to wait that long. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Blah that sounded weird..I meant it's taking people a long time to find their "true love." Link to post Share on other sites
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