Was it a mistake to tell my friend this?

[turokturok5]

So my best friend has been getting pretty close with my ex since we broke up. He's always posting stuff on her wall (she doesnt reply to it) but i know they always talk to eachother in facebook chat, as hes always saying what she is doing. For example, he was meant to go out to coffee with her today apparently, but then said no, it didnt happen because she went shopping with her cousin and he knows what busses she catches to uni etc etc. Now my ex's best friend said that this "coffee date" was fake, apparently my best mate said "well the group can go out for coffee yeah" and she said "the group of two" she asked my ex and she said it wasn't true, it didnt really seem like something she would do either.

 

But when i was talking to my best friend, i was kind of getting a bit anxious, when he finally blew my cover and said "you definately still like her" i didn't try to deny it. I mentioned before i deleted my ex off facebook, but today i re-added her, it's my way of telling her i don't hate her, because im in NC with her right now and if she accepts and questions me ill tell her i can't be friends right now but i dont want you to think that i hate you. If she denys the friend request then fine, it won't make much of a difference. It's just, was it a mistake telling my friend that i still like her, i mean they are pretty close now and theres no doubt she'll mention me adding her to friends again and he may spill that i still like her and i got jealous, then ill be back to square 1 again.

[silvermane187]

Just be honest. If you still have feelings for her then your friend is going to have to choose between her and you. I got involved with a friends ex like that back in high school but eventually turned her down because I felt like I was betraying my friend, even though he said he didn't care.

[ccfan]

It sounds like your best friend is pursuing something more than a friendship with your ex, even if he didn´t it´s totally innapropiate that he´s telling you all the time about her and even asking her out for a coffee... in my case, my friends stay away from my exes and i for sure stay away from theirs.. that´s what true friends do for eachother.

 

And there´s nothing wrong with you saying to your friend that you still got feelings from her, real friends are there to hear how we are doing and help if it´s in their possibilities, you shouldn´t need to build a "cover" for them, that´s for sure... it´s not a mistake to tell your friend that you still have feelings for your ex, the mistake is to stay friends with that person in the first place.

 

You should have stayed NC. Now that you added her, she´ll see that as a sign that you are ready for the dreaded "friendship" ... no good for sure. Go back NC if you stil have feelings for her, otherwise seeing her FB will destroy you, i say this from experience, believe me.

 

Be REALLY careful with this so-called friend, it is a big red flag about his loyalty to you the fact that he´s asking your ex out (one way or another) and that he´s always telling you what she is doing, actually, and to be quite honest, he doesnt sound like a friend at all to me... be careful... really careful with this person.

Edited March 2, 2011 by ccfan

[Rose T]

Be REALLY careful with this so-called friend, it is a big red flag about his loyalty to you the fact that he´s asking your ex out (one way or another) and that he´s always telling you what she is doing, actually, and to be quite honest, he doesnt sound like a friend at all to me... be careful... really careful with this person.

 

This. Let's talk about this "best friend" of yours, turok! Over the years, I've had a couple of friends who were fun to be around but not the sort to introduce your ex to, if you know what I mean. Hell, I wouldn't even have introduced my current boyfriend to them, just because they're into, well, competitive flirting. Friends like this are great as wingwomen / men when you're single but have the power to do a lot of damage when you're in more vulnerable mode.

 

If I was you, I'd ask your friend what he's doing flirting with your ex, especially if he knows you still like her. You have the right to get mad. "Best" friends don't do that sort of thing. And they don't tell your ex what's going on in your head. If I was you, I'd be wondering about your so-called friend because he's definitely looking more like an ex-friend at the moment... you don't need this on top of all the screw-up of the break-up.