ronnied Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I'll try to keep this short and to the point. I'm a 21 year old college student who has recently met an amazing girl. About 2 months ago i met this girl in my class (which was a refreshing change from encounters in bars, clubs, etc...) We hit it off really well and have been seeing each other almost every other night. Things have been really great and we have both stated we feel a lot for each other and would like to be together. However, her ex-boyfriend is still completely distraught over their break-up from a one year relationship (they broke up about a month before i met her) . Once i found out about this, I was careful not to be a crutch for her emotions over her break-up and told her i didn't want to be that 'other guy' coming in for the rebound. She understood this and swore that wasnt the case, and said she had lost feelings for him long before they broke up. However, lately he has been calling her up and making her feel terrible for doing this to him etc. She feels like she is solely responsible for "ruining" someone's life, and that because of this she is very confused about a lot of things; me included. However, when i ask what exactly it is about me that she's confused I don't get a very specific answer. I told her that it's going to be difficult for me to keep having feelings they way I've been having unless i know they are reciprocated. It's obvious she is very confused about what she wants right now. When i told her that I thought she needed some space to re-evaluate things, she became unhappy and told me she didnt want that. I don't really have a very specific question to ask about this sitiuation, I just hope others will read this and try to share some input, because I really don't know what to do. Thanks for your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Renny_H Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by ronnied She feels like she is solely responsible for "ruining" someone's life, and that because of this she is very confused about a lot of things; me included. However, when i ask what exactly it is about me that she's confused I don't get a very specific answer. You might be rushing things, because if she's confused, she might still have feelings for this other guy. If she doesn't, as you've said, and her problem is she feels like a curse to relationships, then she's still having trouble with this ex of hers. If you want her bad, back off and give her time and hopefully she'll come to you. You've probably confused her by suggesting you feel like the 'rebound' guy. She's probably scared of upsetting you now. Link to post Share on other sites
cutiebabe Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 ronnied, hey. well i totally understand where she is coming from and where you are coming from. I think ur best bet is to probably talk things out with her and explain to her that her ex b/f is making her feel guilty hoping that she'll give in and go back to him. I think she really needs to talk to her ex b/f and try to get him to understand its over and that he needs to move on.You could also get her to take an avo if he's harrasing her and making her too upset. Dont let this ex guy ruin it for you both. She needs your support right now and telling her things like "you need to have ur feelings reciprocated" will only make her think that you dont want to be with her. I know that sounds stupid but thats the way we think, as soon as the guy in a relationship tells us things like that, we start to think that they dont want to be with us because we cant give them a straight answer. She obviously cares for you deeply and swore it wasnt the case that you were for a rebound so trust her! If you dont believe her and trust her then why are you with her? Like i said, the best thing you can do is just be there for her when she needs you and support her. Goodluck. Alicia (Lisha) Link to post Share on other sites
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