best buds or more?

[Intergalactic]

hey all!

 

sorry if this entry sounds like i'm about 17.. it's late and i have a lot running around my head. i'm actually 23, and the person i am speaking about is 21.

 

i'm a girl, and my best friend is a guy who i roomed with last year in uni accommodation.. we've been friends for about a year and a half now, and are very close. we spend a lot of time together, tell each other we love each other, often hold hands when out, cuddle in bed, kiss each others' faces (although we haven't quite got to locking lips yet.. have come close, but i have turned away more than once). he is always there for me and i love him to bits.

 

for a while now i've liked him more than a friend, but wasn't sure if i wanted to take it further... and to be honest, i'm still not entirely sure. i do know, however, that i don't like when he takes interest in other girls, which is selfish i know, since i'm not sure what i want with him - mainly because of how much i value our friendship and i would be so so sad if that ended if/when we ended if we dated.

 

anyway, last night, a lot of stuff came to a head, after he told me that he'd hooked up with a girl one night when out - a girl he's previously liked and 'might' like again. it took him ages to say it, and when i said "do you want to be with her?" and he was like "i think so, but i want to be with you too." i told him that i didn't want him to go out with this girl, and when he asked me why i said "..i don't know, i just have these feelings and i don't want you to be with anyone else". he was getting upset, saying "what do you want? do you want to be friends? do you want to go out?" and i was getting upset because i didn't know if i was yet ready to confess how i felt.

 

in the end, i told him that i thought i liked him, that i have had "feelings" for him for about 6 months. he said that he'd had some idea and it didn't scare him away, he still wanted to spend time with me, cuddle me, be with me etc. but he also said he's dated his best/good friends before, and it's never worked out, and he would be devastated if that happened with me, because i'm the closest person to him and he doesn't want to lose me, ever. he said it's hard for him to go from being friends to more, because of that. when i asked why he didn't want to date me, he said "because you're my best friend, i can't lose you". i asked if it was something about me he wasnt attracted to, and he said "i love everything about you". i asked him why he does all those things with me that seem more than just friendly, and he said that he loves being with me like that, but he didn't know exactly how he felt about me, and that he just knew for a fact that he doesn't want to risk the friendship. his exact words were "i'm in love with you... and our friendship". even when i said "what if we are just friends, i still don't want you to date anyone else!" and he replied with "fine, i won't date anyone. i'd choose you over any other girl, always".

 

so, finally, to my question: what does this all mean? does this mean there's no hope? does it sound like he has feelings for me, or his he just letting me down gently? and lastly, what do i do now? should we remain friends, or should we not? i can't bear the thought of losing him, and i know he feels the same about me.

 

this situation sucks

Edited March 2, 2011 by Intergalactic
Added info