FolderWife Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I had trouble with porn, and I tried EVERYTHING!!!!! Begging, accepting, acting like a porn star, ignoring it..nothing worked. Not until I threw out all the porn tapes and playboys. Then, one evening when I'd had a particularly bad day, I came home to find porn all over the computer. I went into the bathroom, closed the door, turned on the bathtub, sat in the tub, and just bawled my eyes out. My husband busted down the door, and asked me what was wrong. I refused to tell him. He kept persisting, so I blurted out, "I'm sad because you look at porn!" He said, "How do you know!?!?!" meaning how was I spying...he doesn't know about cookies...because when I told him about history, he started deleting it...any way...I kept crying, and he got so upset that he went into the kitchen, and opened the tool drawer. I knew what was coming next. I heard a hammer being smashed through our computer, then he stormed down the hall, and said, "call and cancel the internet tomorrow." Needless to say, I did, and needless to say I was VERY glad that the computer was smashed to bits...I wanted to do it myself. Suddenly, we are getting along great. Suddenly, he is so agressive during sex and I LOVE IT. Suddenly, I'm not rubbing his penis for an hour to get it hard. Suddenly, he's actually getting erections from me WALKING BY! About a month after it happened, we were lying in bed, and started talking about the computer. I said, "I'll never have another computer in this house again." He said, "No way! It causes too many problems." Think about what it's doing. I trusted my husband completely before I found porn. I delted the history, and told him how, but the trust had disappeared, because I knew he was lying to me. I discovered cookies, and started lying about how I found the porn, because I felt justified, because he was lying about the porn! Our sex life was non-existant. I felt insecure, because I felt like no other woman had to rub on her husband to get him hard...she just had to look at him a certain way. Thanks to internet porn, my husband didn't trust me, and felt violated because I spyed on him, and I didn't trust him, because he was sneaking behind my back, and lying to me, and I didn't feel sexy, because my own husband didn't want me! We are much much much much much much much happier now that the internet is out of our home. If he sneaks and watches porn movies from time to time, or if he looks at playboy once in a while, or if he watches swimsuit competitions on TV, and thinks the girls are hot, it doesn't bother me, because...IT'S NOT EVERY DAY, AND I TURN MY HUSBAND ON NOW!!!! Take a hammer to the computer if you find porn again. If he gets mad, tell him that you did it to save your marriage, and to save your sanity. If he refuses to forgive you, move out, because you are just going to end up miserable. Living with a husband who doesn't put out, because his penis is so worn from porn whacking is HELL!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Let's see it happen to you. Let's see your spouse turn you down for porn. Let's see how in control you are. Some men have healthy relationships with porn AND their wives. Some don't. Just because some relationships can handle porn, doesn't mean that all of them can, and because men look at porn instead of their wives, doesn't mean there's something wrong with the marriage, it means there's something wrong with THE MEN. My husband would look at porn so much that he COULDN'T PHYSICALLY have sex with me. If porn wasn't the issue, how come now that it's gone, we have healthy sex? Don't say it's because I was insecure....we stopped having sex before I even KNEW about the porn. I thought for the longest time that he was cheating on me, until I found the porn. When I found the porn, yes, I thought it was my fault. But I bought lingerie, did all the sexy dances and moves, but nothing worked....except turning on a porno...which really really hurt my feelings. Don't try to tell these women that there is a problem in their marriage, and porn was born of that problem. Porn is the problem. I'm sure your husband could be attracted to your overweight body, if he wasn't able to look at girls with measurements of 50-15-40..... I'm 36-29-39....not overweight by ANY means, but when I let my husband look at naked women (I'm considering breast augmentation, and his opinion of size matters to me) he starts trying to put me on diets, and nagging me to excersize. He gets some idea in his head that women need to have huge breasts and tiny bellies to be sexy. I have to only allow him to share in the photos on occasion, or I become the subject of ridicule! There is nothing wrong with you. Your husband is looking at naked women so much, that he is immune to his wife. He has so much visual stimulation available, that he is hooked on it, and has to have it to even GET turned on. Your husband NEEDS porn to feed his sexual desires at this point. If he no longer had access to the internet, I can almost guarantee that he wouldn't have any trouble having sex with you. My husband is always touching me, and making sex craving noises at me now. He NEVER looked at me as being "sexy" when he looked at porn. Porn is definately the problem, and if he doesn't give it up as promised, ....I don't know what to tell you to do....leave him, or smash the computer...or better yet, sell it, and buy some lingerie Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Monday, Thank you so much for sharing your situation with us. Success stories are what we need to hear also. Being passive is not how to handle a Pornography issue in the home. Being honest with your s/o other is necessary and letting them know that "This behavior is NOT acceptable" is the only way to go. If you have to scream, then scream! If you have to walk-out, then walk-out and if you have to put a hammer through the computer, then you put a hammer to the computer! All of these actions are nothing compared to the damage that Pornography can and will do! No means NO! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Monday Thank you for putting it so well… Nobody would tell a woman whose husband is having an affair that “boys will be boys” just be grateful that he is still interested in sex at all. At least when your husband has an affair people support you, and you can actually talk about it. It’s like if they are looking at porn then there HAS to be something wrong with you. Women get a really bad rep when it comes to sex, people tend to assume it’s because you aren’t doing your job or they would be happy. But what can you do when they never give you the chance??? Like they seem to prefer being alone to being with another person. Maybe it was not having to worry about satisfying someone else, or letting someone else down. It’s just all about them, and their fantasy… And Bubbles, I thought I was the only one for a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just be okay with it… but as you can see we aren’t alone, and I suspect that as the popularity of computers grows so will the problems this causes. Computers make it more accessible than ever… I know what you mean, I couldn’t work because I couldn’t trust him alone with the kids. They were just babies then and I would come home from work to find that he had been on the computer all day and the kids had been on their own. My family members caught him, his mother even caught him. We had to keep a 900 block on the phone because every time he moved one of his “friends” must have called a few hundred dollars worth of sex lines. And charges appeared on my business credit card for over $600. And this was all when I was still totally in denial. What is up with the 4AM ish wake up though??? Is this like prime porn time or something??? But you are better now right??? I still believe there is a reason for everything, that something good comes out of even the toughest times. So tell me you are better now??? But… for a positive note in my case. If it wasn’t for the lengths I went to because of my ex’s problem I never would have know how good I am with computers. I finally settled on a degree, be it 12 years later than most people do… Computer Information Specialist. Echocrush Link to post Share on other sites
advice Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 This may not be a factor of him loving you but may be an addiction that has a grip on his life. Pornography can be very powerful drug!! However, I truly believe that you should hold your ground. Be sympathetic to his problem but not tolerant. What I mean by that is...you should not allow it in your home. It may be a difficult road for your husband to overcome this problem, but he owes it to you and his children to stop. Even with your medical problems, that isn't an excuse to endulge in this type of behavior. If your husband needs counseling to get through this problem, if you both need counseling to get through this problem, then you should get it. You both should be willing to work together to overcome this issue. You may have many issues in your marriage that you need to work on. But with that said, no matter how good the other aspects of your marriage get, you will never have harmony in your home if pornography is present. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 It sounds like we've all suffered from husbands with a porn addiction, but they REFUSE to admit they have a problem. In fact, they probably think they are normal. Link to post Share on other sites
co-cheese Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I've been living with my boyfriend for a year now, everything had been wonderful up to a few months ago when it seems as though I find myself crying over his obsession with his porn at least every other day. I didn't know how common this issue was, we're at the stage where we have our own computers now. But evidently that doesn't fix anything...it's just me trying to be in "denial" about it. As I performed a search online about trying to understand his need for porn I found this site. It has been extremely helpful and I think it is what I needed to finally say to him "I'm moving out!". I hate living in misery...I'm hoping that by my moving out he will realize what is more important to him. If it doesn't work out between us it'll be his loss anyway. My boyfriend is the sweetest most affectionate person when we are together, but the moment I step out of the house he is on-line masterbating to porn. It is like any little opportunity he gets he takes! Like today for example, I awoke from a nap we were taking together in the living room only to find him butt naked on the computer. It had never been more real or hurtful to me. The issue had been brought up several times before with same: "I love you; I'm sorry; I'll never do it again" BS. Silly me thinking he'd really stop... Tonite in a all seriousness I'll be letting him now that I'll be moving out. It shatters my heart to move out but I guess it's really no different than living with his sickness and being miserable all the it me anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
shell bean Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 I don’t think you are being entirely fair to your husband. Because you did, at one time have a problem. That problem cased him to alter his sex life. (this is not the case with ever story added here) Give him a little credit. He did not leave you he did not cheat. (traditionially) He did find a new release, and I’ll guess it didn’t happen over night. So you will have to find a way to steer you sex life back on track, together. Some suggestion join him while he views ‘the porn’ provide manual or oral stimulation. Join in mutual masturbation session. You will need to gradually replace ‘the porn’ with yourself as his sexual partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Upset Posted April 14, 2004 Author Share Posted April 14, 2004 Hey Everyone! Thanks for all the advice and the responses. They have helped me out greatly. My husband has given me all the cd's. I hid all the dirty mags. I know I know im being cruel. There is still one cd that i know of that he hasnt given to me. I dont know if he forgot about it but i doubt it. Thanks again for all the advice. Im glad you are all here for advice. upset Link to post Share on other sites
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