sthrngirl9110 Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 My ex was extremelly emotionally abusive. I stayed with him for three years and the only non abusive part of the whole time period was about the first 4 to 6 months. Mostly it was the typical, I couldn't do anything right, everything was my fault, I wasn't trying hard enough, blah blah blah, and then it escalated. He would tell me when he went out with his friends that he was going to cheat on me, and that if I wasn't such a crazy/controlling (insert ugly derogatory name here, he used them all) that this wouldn't be happening. He would do similar things in public, in front of friends, professors, coworkers, or just in general public. I am in a new relationship now, with a man who loves me and takes care of me, and has done everything he can to help me heal. I still have relapses sometimes though (uncontrollable suspicious jealousies, low self esteem, ect), and I am tired of giving my ex a role to play in my new life. It's not fair to my boyfriend, and I am tired of feeling like crap about myself, and feeling like I can't trust ayone, especially the one that has already proved he has no secrets from me. I guess I am looking to talk with people who have suffered the same things as me, to network and trade tips and advice for dealing with these things. Thanks so much for any advice I recieve. -Ashley Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Ashley I've been there. It lessens in time. You should seek out some therapy to understand yourself and why these events occurred in your life while they do not in some others; what allowed you to spend 3 years being abused and beat down by another human. It's important that you identify these factors so that you never fall prey to them again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sthrngirl9110 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 I have been thinking about this.... The problem is that it will be the end of April before I will be in one place long enough to find a therapist and set up appointments. I'm doing my best to tide thigs over until then... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I have been thinking about this.... The problem is that it will be the end of April before I will be in one place long enough to find a therapist and set up appointments. I'm doing my best to tide thigs over until then... The end of April is no big deal. Just as long as you get these issues addressed at some point in the near future your life will be fuller and much brighter. Link to post Share on other sites
kooki Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Hi Ashley, I know exactly what you are going through. I just got out of an abusive relationship and my self-esteem is shot. I am seeing a therapist though, but I don't feel the therapy is helping me much. Make sure you find a good therapist, mine is free. I was in my relationship for a year, but I am single now. Also, I would recommend getting some books to read, there are a couple I think that deal with healing from an abusive relationship. Support groups may also help you like Alanon and others. The best thing to do though is just take it day by day for now and trust your partner unless given reason not to. He needs to be extra sensitive to you because of your past hurt, and that's not a lot to ask from someone who loves you. You can do it! In all honesty, I feel the same way, but I'm trying everything to help me feel better about myself. It's really hard when intellectually people tell you it wasnt your fault, you still feel traumatized by the experience. Link to post Share on other sites
kooki Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) One more thing. This site below is an excellent resource on emotional abuse. "What are the signs and symptoms of Emotional Abuse? A common misconception is that emotional abuse has to take the form of a partner yelling over every little thing, belittling or constantly criticizing a partner. Other forms of emotional abuse, can however, be just as damaging, and far less overt. They can include being disrespectful, discourteous, rude, condescending, patronizing, critical, judgemental, "joking" insults, lying, repeatedly "forgetting" promises and agreements, betrayal of trust, "setting you up", and "revising" history." http://www.heartlessbitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml Edited March 15, 2011 by kooki Posted on the wrong posting by mistake Link to post Share on other sites
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