elisheva Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 i've been hooking up with a guy that I met at university for about 5 months now but I think it's time that the benefits are taken off of our friendship, and we either stay friends, or become a couple. It's kind of a weird situation. We met through a hookup and we kept in contact and went out a few times, but for the first few months our physical intimacy didn't go pass hugging; still I started to develop feelings for him. He seemed really interested at first and called me/texted me a lot, but then he stopped and I started calling/texting. He always answered or responded but I figured that he wasn't interested in hanging out anymore so I stopped. Then we had winter holiday and he messaged me via email, then we talked almost daily even though we were in different countries. Once we were back on campus we went on a date, and ended up hooking up again. I tried to ask him how he felt about what we were doing, but he was either tired/groggy or purposefully ignoring me because he didn't provide any coherent answer. i got visibly upset and he apologized a few days later for "misbehaving," and then we promised to go out again, but my schedule got really crazy (we're grad students) and he had surgery so we only just went out this past weekend. We watched a movie but while we were cuddling things got heated and we hooked up again but it ended quickly because his knee was hurting. We got dressed, I walked him to my door, he hugged me, and he left, just like always... very platonic. I know that I need to bring up how I feel but I don't know how to do it. He still doesn't call/text me as much as he used to, which makes me feel like I am being used, although he is really attentive to me when we're together and seems truly interested in what's going on in my life. when we are out together he'll put his arm around me, but we've never kissed outside of hooking up. We are both from different countries/cultures (he's indian i'm ethiopian) and have very conservative families that didn't allow us to date when we were younger (i'm in my early 20s he's in his mid 20s). how should I approach this? Is it even worth asking him if he wants a relationship? any insight from more experienced people would be great! Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 You say you have feelings for him, so it seems like you would want a relationship out of this. DO NOT--I repeat--DO NOT settle for less than what you want. It will just make you miserable. As for how to handle the situation, be straight-up and say you've got feelings for him, that because of this you aren't satisfied with how things are going, and it would be best for your own well-being to not be in contact. Do not think that you can handle just being friends with him while you still have deeper feelings--you can't. Ask anyone here. Staying friends with someone you want to date when they don't want to date you is f*cking painful. Like being repeatedly stabbed in the gut with a hot knife. Telling him how you feel and then going No Contact (NC) is the best option here. There's a chance that he could come running, realize he has deeper feelings, etc--but it's not likely, and would you really want someone who only realized your value after you walked away, and not when you were right in front of them for months? Link to post Share on other sites
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