Out of sight out of mind and Absence makes the heart grow fonder

[turokturok5]

I don't get it, how does it work. They say the best thing for the dumpee is "out of sight out of mind" so they forget about their ex, but i find myself thinking about and missing my ex. And that by the ex dissapearing, when the dumper wanted to get rid of them "absence makes the heart grow fonder" shouldn't it be the complete opposite. I mean if the dumper had pretty much moved on before they dumped their partner and they're feeling gulity, then wont "out of sight out of mind" work for them?

[timchambo]

Honestly who knows. Everyone is different. The idea is the dumper makes up their mind regardless and life goes on. Do you really think any begging or crying will change the dumpers mind? They are far more interested in whatever they are leaving for than they are you. At the moment they are not thinking about you. Eventually if that relationship was significant enough the dumpee would cross their mind I would think. I know fresh out of our RL, my ex said she thinks of me every day. Just not in the way you do a boyfriend. Basically you just have to cut that person out of your life. Every situation is different so is life. You need to pick up some extracurricular activities to keep your mind busy. Give it time. Who knows what the future holds.

[smudge21]

I can add both sides on this as early last year I was the dumper and late last year I was the dumpee. Now my first ex (call her M) got back in touch and wanted to be friends after a few months of no contact. My feelings were okay, fine, but I had no feelings of getting back with her and made that clear.

 

She has occasionally expressed how she feels and been very upset about it all and I'm always there to try and make her feel better but not get too close. But to be totally honest, I have no feelings for her at all. I made the decision to dump her and move on as the love was gone for me and I felt I was lying to us both. Once that decision was taken I moved on and never looked back. It was definitely over and even though it's clear she still has feelings for me, it's never going to happen again.

 

Now take the other side as me the dumpee and I can see myself acting like M, with occasionally contacting the ex (call her A) and showing constant interest whereas she's not. In essence, A is like me, as I am to M - is that clear enough? I can see what I'm doing with A as it's almost the same as what M is doing with me.

 

Now the only difference, as this relates to moving on etc. is that A is responding differently to me then I respond to M. When M goes all quiet for a times, I do not get in touch, I just think 'fine, speak to you whenever' because I'm totally not interested. But in reverse, when I go all quiet and NC with A, within a few weeks she'll be in touch, just to see if I'm still around and talking to her.

 

So in regards to 'out of sight out of mind' and 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' I totally believes on the people involved. M to me is out of sight out of mind because I'm not interested. Me to A is a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder because there is still something there for her.

 

I hope I've explained that clearly enough.

[turokturok5]

i totally understand what your saying as i did the same. I was the dumper but i know that it was mutual, because i stopped having feelings for this girl but dragged it along for a few weeks reserving and distancing myself from her till eventually i could see that she was no longer interested, so i talked to her about it and we agreed it was over. A month later she contacts me asking to get back together but i had moved on. Now being the dumpee, the end of the relationship wasn't mutual so im finding it hard to move on and im not really in the position as my other ex was because we were pretty much both the dumpers. I think it was out of sight out of mind for the first girl and for the one that dumped me i regretfully feel its the same.

[timchambo]

I can add both sides on this as early last year I was the dumper and late last year I was the dumpee. Now my first ex (call her M) got back in touch and wanted to be friends after a few months of no contact. My feelings were okay, fine, but I had no feelings of getting back with her and made that clear.

 

She has occasionally expressed how she feels and been very upset about it all and I'm always there to try and make her feel better but not get too close. But to be totally honest, I have no feelings for her at all. I made the decision to dump her and move on as the love was gone for me and I felt I was lying to us both. Once that decision was taken I moved on and never looked back. It was definitely over and even though it's clear she still has feelings for me, it's never going to happen again.

 

Now take the other side as me the dumpee and I can see myself acting like M, with occasionally contacting the ex (call her A) and showing constant interest whereas she's not. In essence, A is like me, as I am to M - is that clear enough? I can see what I'm doing with A as it's almost the same as what M is doing with me.

 

Now the only difference, as this relates to moving on etc. is that A is responding differently to me then I respond to M. When M goes all quiet for a times, I do not get in touch, I just think 'fine, speak to you whenever' because I'm totally not interested. But in reverse, when I go all quiet and NC with A, within a few weeks she'll be in touch, just to see if I'm still around and talking to her.

 

So in regards to 'out of sight out of mind' and 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' I totally believes on the people involved. M to me is out of sight out of mind because I'm not interested. Me to A is a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder because there is still something there for her.

 

I hope I've explained that clearly enough.

 

how long were these relationships? I am so confused by how this loss of love thing works. My ex of 7 years blind sided me with her leaving for a new guy. Not sure how you someone can just fall out of love and be so sure in such a short period (about 3 weeks TOPS).