Happy Finally Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I have finally found happiness. I met a woman (who is also married). We met online and yes I know what she looks like. Have been talking for a few weeks. We have not met yet be we are meeting on the weekend. We talked about how this will only be a physical relationship. But we chat for hours when we have a chance (chatting is easier than phone). I know everything about her (But her last name, we agreed not to tell each other yet). We exchange racy emails, talk about the day we are going to meet all the time. We talk about our problems. And she laughs at my corny as heck jokes...and I do the same in return. We talk about our marital problems (which ironically we pretty much have the same problem). Three times out nowhere she just sends an email that says. We need to have boundaries...no feelings in this, we can't have feelings. I don't get it. I agreed, right from the beginning. I told her that I care what she has to say and I care about her because we talk and I know so much...but no deep feelings. The third time was yesterday morning. Then we talk all day..and she sends me an email that's even more open than before...how she was crying because she blames the marriage failure on herself (it's not....she has done alot...although she is talking to me....and vice versa...but we are jut filling that void), how she has talked to her mom about it and she was just crying...and had to tell me. She then hurriedly changed the conversation to how she can recognize her feelings so well...and that she wants to go to therapy with her husband...but not now. Why does she keep telling me about boundaries...I know.. I get it I told her I agree. I am starting to think it is more for her sake than mine. And the closer it comes to meeting...the more she subtly mentions it. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Perhaps she means that she wants to keep her M together, while having sex with you. I believe sexual intimacy is as close as a man and woman can be. I wouldn't think anyone would wish to be in an intimate relationship with 'boundaries'. Also, this situation was not even founded with boundaries. Intercourse isn't for practice or sport or to relieve one's self .. It is for Marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 She means she doesnt want YOU to get attached to her. Link to post Share on other sites
carrie999 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Perhaps she means that she wants to keep her M together, while having sex with you. I believe sexual intimacy is as close as a man and woman can be. I wouldn't think anyone would wish to be in an intimate relationship with 'boundaries'. Also, this situation was not even founded with boundaries. Intercourse isn't for practice or sport or to relieve one's self .. It is for Marriage. I agree with all of the bolded points. (I don't believe sex is only for marriage as a general rule...though I do agree that it should be true when both parties are married, which is true in this case...) I don't believe you know one another at all if you've only been talking for a few weeks. You haven't even looked into her eyes to get any read on how genuine her words really are. It's easy enough in any relationship or affair to say what the other person wants to hear, but that does not establish a connection. Time together does. It sounds like she's looking for a sexual outlet, some kind of emotional connection that can be as distant or close as she needs it to be, and she's afraid of this ruining what she has. Link to post Share on other sites
SoMovinOn Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Intercourse isn't for practice or sport or to relieve one's self .. It is for Marriage. Sex is fun and feels good... even if you're not married. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 OP, you don't say much about this woman. Anyway it sounds to me like a exit affair ! Be careful When a woman is " too easy to be true" and actively looking for outside sex with someone who she barely knows, she has emotionnally dumped her husband, she is on the rebound looking for a way out. Keep posting.. Link to post Share on other sites
Puddin Jones Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 im not the most credible source because im so young, but id say once you meet her if the time comes to ask her to elaborate. express your understanding on the situation. level things out Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm actually getting the sense that SHE may be getting emotionally invested already and she keeps reiterating "No emotional involvement - that's our rule!!!" more to convince herself than anything.... just a thought.... Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I think she's having second thoughts about the whole thing. Don't be surprised if she fails to show up for your meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm actually getting the sense that SHE may be getting emotionally invested already and she keeps reiterating "No emotional involvement - that's our rule!!!" more to convince herself than anything.... just a thought.... That's also my take as a woman! If you are truly looking for no strings attached sex, it is NOT going to be this woman..... She keeps repeating herself because she is confused and is maybe already growing emotionally attached to you. If that is NOT what you want, then you should move on. She sounds fragile, and after sex, you will want to rescue her, and then you will be in a full-blown emotional and physical affair. Reconsider. Link to post Share on other sites
FightClub Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 As an OM that was once involved with a exMW, I have some perspective on your situation, though mine was very different than yours. You say you met her online, where? Was it on a dating site? a forum? a video game? Please describe more of your relation to her, how often do you talk? was it initially a hook up online? I'm just curious to hear more. -FC Link to post Share on other sites
Bionic Me Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Are you serious? People really do this? You know "everything" about this woman but don't even know her lastname... So what's this "everything" you know? Boundaries? Neither of you seem to have any. Aren't the both of you married? There goes the "boundary"... Link to post Share on other sites
TakeMeasIam Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm actually getting the sense that SHE may be getting emotionally invested already and she keeps reiterating "No emotional involvement - that's our rule!!!" more to convince herself than anything.... just a thought.... I also agree with this. It's more as a verbal warning to herself. The problem is, she's intensifying the message because I think she's already in deeper than she planned to be. She has opened up to you big time. That, from a woman's PoV is pretty involved and intimate. That's how women show their intensity. By what they open up to you with. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain1 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Why does she keep telling me about boundaries either one of two things one, she is telling you that she has no intentions of leaving her marriage and things aren't as bad as she makes them out to be just so she can fish you in. or two, you aren't the only guy she is giving a warm place to put it. Link to post Share on other sites
Flabbergaster Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Been there, done that, ****ed it up. Cancel, and break off the communication. Go pay for it this weekend instead; you'll be glad you spent the money and saved the grief. GET OUT NOW BEFORE IT GETS VERY PAINFUL is my advice. If you say, "but i like chatting with her and she looks hot," my response is IT DOESN'T GET EASIER TO LEAVE, ONLY MORE PAINFUL. If you do meet her for sex, ONE TIME and stop communication immediately afterwards. You chat for hours, and you know everything about each other? Buddy...there are already some emotions if that's happening. The fact that you want to know "what does this mean?" indicates you've already got some emotions; you like the communication The fact that you start with "I have finally found happiness" tells me you have emotions; you like the communication and attention. I would suggest you see a therapist about your problems with the M. If you need sex in the meantime...pay for it, don't risk getting emotions in an A. My A... started with "this is just good sex (and damn it was good)." Then we started chatting and talking a bit, "there are boundaries and no emotions are allowed. We're mature with flexible morals, this is just good sex." Then we started chatting more, "ok we're good friends with benefits, that's it." Then we realized how much emotions had developed. Then neither of us left for the other, and we are both scarred for life with pain that will last for years. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Um... I would just like to say one of you will catch feelings. Don't kid yourself into thinking it won't happen. Slowly but surely I will happen. I'm speaking from experience. Don't think it's just sex. Sex is a one time thing with someone you don't have any form of connection with. You have a conection with her. I started out with we're just friends lets just have sex since we are both stressed. Bam! 10 + years later his wife finds out and I get cut off. No one see love coming. No one. Sometimes you only realize it when the love, the connection, is gone. So it seems like you have a strong connection. It might turn into more. Just be prepared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy Finally Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 thanks for all of the input... I really appreciate the opinions, even the ones I disagee with (although the points are valid). Someone wanted an update. So no last names are known because we said we wouldn't disclose them. I may not know "everytthing" but I know more about her...than I knew about my wife in the first 6 months we were seeing each other. Also..you can tell when people are sincere...there's a difference, even in the chatting. We have probably wrote each other 100 times in the last week plus chatted for about 20 hours. I enjoy talking to her...she actually responds to what I say. We are meeting to have sex...and enjoy it for a change.....unlike what we each experience in our marriage (which is absolutely nothing for both of us). Today she told me that she is very very very attracted to me and I make her day and make her extremely happy. She says she has to be careful. It was another verbal we have rules....but then she tells me about even more stuff..... Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 thanks for all of the input... I really appreciate the opinions, even the ones I disagee with (although the points are valid). Someone wanted an update. So no last names are known because we said we wouldn't disclose them. I may not know "everytthing" but I know more about her...than I knew about my wife in the first 6 months we were seeing each other. Also..you can tell when people are sincere...there's a difference, even in the chatting. We have probably wrote each other 100 times in the last week plus chatted for about 20 hours. I enjoy talking to her...she actually responds to what I say. We are meeting to have sex...and enjoy it for a change.....unlike what we each experience in our marriage (which is absolutely nothing for both of us). Today she told me that she is very very very attracted to me and I make her day and make her extremely happy. She says she has to be careful. It was another verbal we have rules....but then she tells me about even more stuff..... It's nothing more than her trying to convince herself that she has to be careful. So, with that said, BE CAREFUL! The roller coaster ride with a person like this is worse than most. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 thanks for all of the input... I really appreciate the opinions, even the ones I disagee with (although the points are valid). Someone wanted an update. So no last names are known because we said we wouldn't disclose them. I may not know "everytthing" but I know more about her...than I knew about my wife in the first 6 months we were seeing each other. Also..you can tell when people are sincere...there's a difference, even in the chatting. We have probably wrote each other 100 times in the last week plus chatted for about 20 hours. I enjoy talking to her...she actually responds to what I say. We are meeting to have sex...and enjoy it for a change.....unlike what we each experience in our marriage (which is absolutely nothing for both of us). Today she told me that she is very very very attracted to me and I make her day and make her extremely happy. She says she has to be careful. It was another verbal we have rules....but then she tells me about even more stuff..... Happy Finally, Aren't the red flags kicking off here? Helloooo!!!! This lady is unstable! Ever hear of too much too soon? Aren't you innudated with info from her? I am a woman and I've met people online, and the too much too soon things never work out. Unstable. Period. All that intensity has a way of burning itself out very fast sometimes. How can she be very attracted to you when she has not met you face to face yet? and she talks about boundaries, and then breaks them! What!??! HUGE red flag. Be careful with this. Protect yourself and your family, do not disclose to much too soon. Someone mentioned that she might not show up. That is a very real possibility. How on earth do you find all this free time to chat & email? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Happy Finally Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 I find the free time because my wife doesn't care about me and is in her own world on Facebook and her damn Iphone. She works nights until 2-3am. When she is home..she is on FB and her Iphone (i repeated it because that is her life)... she travels to VA to see her friends once a month...she changes her FB status back and forth from single and complicated....wtf. I have plenty of time by myself..even if she is around (yes, i have tried to spend time...but i can't beat the phone). Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I find the free time because my wife doesn't care about me and is in her own world on Facebook and her damn Iphone. She works nights until 2-3am. When she is home..she is on FB and her Iphone (i repeated it because that is her life)... she travels to VA to see her friends once a month...she changes her FB status back and forth from single and complicated....wtf. I have plenty of time by myself..even if she is around (yes, i have tried to spend time...but i can't beat the phone). Sounds like your wife is having an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Flabbergaster Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 If you are going to have sex and then NEVER communicate to her again, I approve. Otherwise...bad bad idea. I find the free time because my wife doesn't care about me and is in her own world on Facebook and her damn Iphone. Can I suggest that you might want to ask her to see a therapist with you? Maybe ask her if she is unhappy and wants to call it a day and separate? That would be more direct than "You don't care about me and this other woman does so I'm gonna hook up with her." thanks for all of the input... Today she told me that she is very very very attracted to me and I make her day and make her extremely happy. She says she has to be careful. It was another verbal we have rules....but then she tells me about even more stuff..... Oh buddy this is a bad idea. This girl is gonna say "I love you" within two months. Your bad situation...you're going to say it back to her. Then you've got a huge mess. Messy, messy messy. Best possible outcome...you leave your W and she won't leave her H. I've made the mistakes you're about to make. I caught feelings, it ended, I'm in therapy with expectation of years of emotional pain. If she called, I would answer and f*** my life even further. It's a drug, don't get started. If you really enjoy this woman...and want to spend more time with her...deal with your W, then ask her to deal with her H. Do this before exploring another R. If you need attention, go to a strip club with a wad of cash. If you need sex, find a hooker. Link to post Share on other sites
IzzyB Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I have finally found happiness. I met a woman (who is also married). We met online and yes I know what she looks like. Have been talking for a few weeks. We have not met yet be we are meeting on the weekend. We talked about how this will only be a physical relationshiplaughs at my corny as heck jokes...and I do the same in return. We talk about our marital problems (which ironically we pretty much have the same problem). Anyone who views finding an A partner as FINALLY FINDING HAPPINESS has already formed an attachment. Whether you realize it or not, you two are already in an affair. If she is waffling about the "boundaries" before you've even met, you are in for a rough ride. She is going to kid herself about the level of intimacy she can handle; she is already confused. Please dont kid yourself about what this woman already means to you and please dont expect her to be clear for you. She has already shown you that she is going into this with a complete lack of clarity which dooms the A from the start. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I find the free time because my wife doesn't care about me and is in her own world on Facebook and her damn Iphone. She works nights until 2-3am. When she is home..she is on FB and her Iphone (i repeated it because that is her life)... she travels to VA to see her friends once a month...she changes her FB status back and forth from single and complicated....wtf. I have plenty of time by myself..even if she is around (yes, i have tried to spend time...but i can't beat the phone). Have you considered ending your marriage instead of cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Sounds like your wife is having an affair. That's the first thing that popped into my head as well. HappyFinally, be careful entering into this. You might think it's going to be no strings but from your statement you are hurting and I would hate for you to latch on to someone that has told you up front nothing can happen. It seems facebook gets blamed for many relationships falling apart. People find old love and connect. Link to post Share on other sites
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