What does she mean... anyone?

[Jane Deaux]

HF, I have a question. I have been reading your posts and I am curious about one thing.

Do you really feel there is a chance for your feelings to come back for your wife? After everything you feel she as wronged you or done in some way to push you away, do you see those feelings coming back? Do you really want them to come back? Where do you see therapy leading you guys? Or is it that you may only be trying to say you tried and prove something to her or yourself? Considering she finally accepts that she wants to try therapy do you feel that you MUST go through with it?

 

I am trying to figure things out since I have a similar situation with my husband feeling me pulling away and he is trying to change. Actually he is trying to be something he is not, but better nonetheless. Is your wife going to try to be something she is not or was she at one time the person you want her to be again?

[Happy Finally]

HF, I have a question. I have been reading your posts and I am curious about one thing.

Do you really feel there is a chance for your feelings to come back for your wife? After everything you feel she as wronged you or done in some way to push you away, do you see those feelings coming back? Do you really want them to come back? Where do you see therapy leading you guys? Or is it that you may only be trying to say you tried and prove something to her or yourself? Considering she finally accepts that she wants to try therapy do you feel that you MUST go through with it?

 

I am trying to figure things out since I have a similar situation with my husband feeling me pulling away and he is trying to change. Actually he is trying to be something he is not, but better nonetheless. Is your wife going to try to be something she is not or was she at one time the person you want her to be again?

 

Those are good questions Jane...very good indeed. I only had an A because I changed as a person to "fix" what she said was making things different for her and they didn't do a darn thing. I just became someone I wasn't. So I went back to being me and became lonely (it was happening anyway , I just figured I should be myself). It sucks being lonely when your married....... That went on for the past year. This is also after everything else. I believe my wife has Borderline Personality Disorder. She meets all of the criteria and we have discussed it numerous times so that she can get help. Year after year it gets worse. She hits herself when things get stressful or when she gets mad at me (she can be in traffic and I'm at work, she will call blame me for the traffic and I will hear her hitting herself) and when it is all done she curls in a ball and cries. I notices this right after we married 11 years ago. It has progressively gotten worse.

 

But at times...she is the woman I married, happy, go lucky having fun with the vibrant blue eyes and smiling. Those times have been far and in between the last three years and pretty much non existent since the last time she cheated on me last May. So yes...I do want those feelings back, I want them back because I know she is in there somewhere. I don't know what happened to her.

 

I am hoping therapy can shed some light for her to understand that she has an issue. I see it the kids see it...I know her parents have seen it...they just avoid it when I bring it up. Mom shuts down and just leaves the room...don't blame her that is her daughter. I am also hoping that it sheds light for me...to have it proven that she cheated because she didn't have control. I know it's stupid to say but that would completely change everything for me (and this is coming from someone who just had A, right..I'm a hypocrite).

 

I was weak and ventured outside of my marriage (and that was just recently...after all of these years). I need to reconcile that with myself and get over this oMW....not just for me but for my family.

Edited March 15, 2011 by Happy Finally

[Happy Finally]

What about if you and your W take a break? A little break away from each other but not with company? You'll be surprised all the things you may discover, about yourself and about your M, even A. Cna you afford to take a break? It's only fair to you, to your W and even to your AP. Think about it...

 

Unfortunately no, we can not afford to take a break. Stupid New England cost of living....jeesh. I wold love to get away...but at the moment until things are better getting way would just lead to more of the same.

 

I will travel to C-BUS (Go Buckeyes) to my best friends house for my birthday on the 24 of this month. It will be long awaited trip...4 days and then I fly back here. It will be a nice break. And I know my best boy..can make things feel much better....plus were traveling to Dayton for a night of fun and there are only two things in Dayton: Strip Clubs and drugs...and I don't do drugs:p

[Happy Finally]

You're a riot! LOL! Well, best of luck and be safe, those strip clubs have tons of germs ya know.

 

 

I know but they are the good germs!!! LOL

 

I know alot of people have negative annotations about strip clubs...but I love em. At 18 I joined the military (poor family, no other options) and my first station after boot camp was Orlando...you talk about dropping a good ole midwest boy in paradise. Some of the older guys took us younger guys out to OBT and it was nothing but T and A...and hot T and A at that. I have liked them since. And I am always open to it with my wife when I go.....nothing to hide (at least not with that ).

[Calif_hope]

Finally Happy!

 

Just read your thread in one siiting, I think you are a bit selfish, if you manned up and truly carred for the OW you would have been their as a friend, counseled her, supported her in reaching out for professional help or at least to engage in honest conversations with her husband. To come to a decision on her life, instead of complicating things.

 

You were thinking with the wrong brain, a married women, God just spend an hour or two reading threads on the infidelity section and you could have predicted the damage you were causing her and to yourself every time your crossed the line (converstation to EA, EA to PA).

 

Plenty of single women on the net, less collateral damage.

 

Did you have fantasies about you and the OW joining into a life long romantic relationship...again, read the other threads.

 

A BIG wrong dude! You hurt her!

 

Not going to offer any advice on your marriage, plenty here provided by others.

 

What you need to do for her is to break it off, go non-contact, do not answer her calls, do not respond to texts or e-mails. She is in a fog and that is never healty, and hopefully your NC will jolt her out of it.

 

If you care for her other than as a diversion from your marriage or for a warm place to park your ****, man up, knock off the drama, fall on the sword and break it off.

 

She need to make her decisions with as little complications and foggy thinking as possible.

 

I hope for the best for you Finally Happy, success in rebuiliding your marrage or a healty hate-free divorce; which ever you chose. But stay away from married women, just too much pain for all sides.

[Happy Finally]

Finally Happy!

 

Just read your thread in one siiting, I think you are a bit selfish, if you manned up and truly carred for the OW you would have been their as a friend, counseled her, supported her in reaching out for professional help or at least to engage in honest conversations with her husband. To come to a decision on her life, instead of complicating things.

 

You were thinking with the wrong brain, a married women, God just spend an hour or two reading threads on the infidelity section and you could have predicted the damage you were causing her and to yourself every time your crossed the line (converstation to EA, EA to PA).

 

Plenty of single women on the net, less collateral damage.

 

Did you have fantasies about you and the OW joining into a life long romantic relationship...again, read the other threads.

 

A BIG wrong dude! You hurt her!

 

Not going to offer any advice on your marriage, plenty here provided by others.

 

What you need to do for her is to break it off, go non-contact, do not answer her calls, do not respond to texts or e-mails. She is in a fog and that is never healty, and hopefully your NC will jolt her out of it.

 

If you care for her other than as a diversion from your marriage or for a warm place to park your ****, man up, knock off the drama, fall on the sword and break it off.

 

She need to make her decisions with as little complications and foggy thinking as possible.

 

I hope for the best for you Finally Happy, success in rebuiliding your marrage or a healty hate-free divorce; which ever you chose. But stay away from married women, just too much pain for all sides.

 

You may be right. But we both crossed the boundaries not just I. And to assume I am the only one at fault here is short sighted and signs of scorned person. It takes two to have an affair and since we both are married we both had things not right at home. The boundaries I did not cross first we crossed them at the same time. She was the first one to mention feelings. I admit I had them as well but she was the first to start showing them outwardly in our conversations. I did not post our conversations, I only posted my questions about what the hell was going on. I was confused and it escalated fast. She was able to start pushing them back, hence the limiting of emails but at the same time she wanted to chat more instead of sending emails. I/We didn't expect this to happen...we have had that discussion and just today (prior to deciding I wouldn't contact her again) I told her that I am glad that she has decided to make her marriage a priority..it is the best for both of us.

 

People choose to find happiness and fulfill our needs outside of the marriage. We don't choose to fall for the people we decided to make contact with..it just happens. And it is amazing at the speed for which those feelings develop. I never in a million years thought I would form feelings for a woman I chatted with for a few weeks and met once..and neither did she.

 

As far as the selfish part...I don't see it. We both made the decision to see each other and act on our feelings. She just decided that it was too intense and started taking over the feelings for her husband and called it off. I respect that decision..have from the moment she told me...but it still doesn't make it easier and she agrees.

[Calif_hope]

Not scorned,

 

Just sharing, offering the input I would have given a friend who shared what you did. I always assume that my friends are strong and honorable people who will not take advantage and do the right thing.

 

From what I read on your thread, my feelings are you took advantage of the sitiuation, well maybe she took advantage of you.

 

But you did post prior to the PA, the conflict of the possibility of moving the relationship forward and that you did care for her. Just saying if you cared for her you could have kept it in your pants and not complicate things further.

 

Yes, you are both at fault but you could have put on the breaks. And yes she could have also.

[newday4_maria]

Finally Happy

 

I have to agree with California_Hope......

 

Not right to deflect 50% blame to her when she is not in a clear mind. You took advantage of her. You are 100% responsible for your actions in this, own up to it.

 

Good luck in your marriage if that is what you want! If not good luck on the next stage of your life but for your own sake, stay away from married women; your just going to get hurt again if you don't.

[Happy Finally]

Not scorned,

 

Just sharing, offering the input I would have given a friend who shared what you did. I always assume that my friends are strong and honorable people who will not take advantage and do the right thing.

 

From what I read on your thread, my feelings are you took advantage of the sitiuation, well maybe she took advantage of you.

 

But you did post prior to the PA, the conflict of the possibility of moving the relationship forward and that you did care for her. Just saying if you cared for her you could have kept it in your pants and not complicate things further.

 

Yes, you are both at fault but you could have put on the breaks. And yes she could have also.

 

You are 100% right. We both could have but at the same time I think we both wanted something that was missing in our marriages. That is what we talked about....it's that you don't see it while your in it. And we convinced EACH other that we could handle it. She came to me to start the affair...she is not a victim (this is to the poster after you). As neither am I. And damn straight we should have put the brakes on...but like I said we both were caught up in something we were not getting at home. And with A's I have now learned...feelings progress a lot lot faster than normal.

 

I still have been in contact with her (stupid me, breaking no contact). She reached out for advice on her H. And I am helping her understand the man's point of view in regards to why her husband is being the way he is. And I am a very good source to help...I was her H 7 years ago. I think all husbands do what he is doing at some point (some worse than others) It hurts because I have feelings for her but at the same time I want her to be happy.

 

I love my wife, I may not be in love with her but I do lover her and that is why I am still with her. ...She loves her husband...a tangled web...and I should have heeded the advice on here but I didn't.

 

If I maintain a great friend out of all of this as well as help her marriage, as well as mine then it is worth it. If not, then things are no worse off for either of us. We have had that discussion too.

 

And I know East...I know what you are thinking..........

[East7]

 

If I maintain a great friend out of all of this as well as help her marriage, as well as mine then it is worth it. If not, then things are no worse off for either of us. We have had that discussion too.

 

And I know East...I know what you are thinking..........

 

You can't be friends with her, let alone helping her marriage or your marriage. It is like asking the wolf to look after the cattle.

You can't go back in time from lovers to friends, believe me it is just impossible.

 

You are in the bargaining process, you want to find a reason not to cut her off.

 

I will stress again : better ending it now than later !

 

In the first month of flirting and getting emotionally involved with my xMW, I had "lucid" day. I told her I wanted to end this as she was married and I don't want to get hurt in the future. She didn't want to let me go. Well...I was not strong enough to do it, I was sucked back and it lasted 1.5 years !

Had I stopped then, it would had been much more easy to get over her, believe me.

 

I strongly suggest to read this amazing thread of a former OM (MorningCoffee) :

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t229550/

Edited March 16, 2011 by East7

[Happy Finally]

You are in the bargaining process, you want to find a reason not to cut her off.

 

So darn true. But itts hard...and those other posters think I took advantage of this woman. I find that funny but whatever. I think we took advantage of each other. I think you are right. She has deep feelings for me but still wants her marriage. Her asking me for advice and help is her way of keeping me in her life, connecting but still allows her to maintain her marriage. Interesting.....it really is. Do you really think if I maintain this friendly contact, and friendly only it will evolve back into an A?

 

 

I will stress again : better ending it now than later !

 

Easier said than done. I told myself no contact. And as soon as my phone vibrated with and email notification from her...I was ecstatic. But I didn't read it...........until about 6 hours later...I tried not to..but I broke down and did. Then I answered it...arggghhh.

 

I strongly suggest to read this amazing thread of a former OM (MorningCoffee) :

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t229550/

 

Great perspective!!!

[TurboGirl]

Happy Finally,

I do not agree with several of the posters that YOU hurt this MW, or YOU are to blame. She chatted with you! She is to blame just as much for whatever happened between you. She was online, She was seeking out too!

 

Help her with her marriage? Be a "friend"??? I totally agree with East, you can't do that! You can't help her. If you stay in touch with this girl you will just continue the mindf***.

 

Here is the scenario... I don't think you will get drawn back into an affair, but you will be "friends" chatting, and looking forward to speaking with her, and then BAM she will withdraw on you for some reason, and you will have to relive the pain & hurt all over again, only now it is worse because you've been "friends" for 6 months.

 

As I said from the beginning, I don't think this woman is stable.

 

Tell her you need to back off, go NC & focus on your own marriage and your wife, take control of this for your own safety. This is a drug. Read the emails but quit answering her. I know it is tempting, and you want to feel like "big man" to be there for this girl, but she is toying with you. My gut tells me this.

[Happy Finally]

Happy Finally,

I do not agree with several of the posters that YOU hurt this MW, or YOU are to blame. She chatted with you! She is to blame just as much for whatever happened between you. She was online, She was seeking out too!

 

Help her with her marriage? Be a "friend"??? I totally agree with East, you can't do that! You can't help her. If you stay in touch with this girl you will just continue the mindf***.

 

Here is the scenario... I don't think you will get drawn back into an affair, but you will be "friends" chatting, and looking forward to speaking with her, and then BAM she will withdraw on you for some reason, and you will have to relive the pain & hurt all over again, only now it is worse because you've been "friends" for 6 months.

 

As I said from the beginning, I don't think this woman is stable.

 

Tell her you need to back off, go NC & focus on your own marriage and your wife, take control of this for your own safety. This is a drug. Read the emails but quit answering her. I know it is tempting, and you want to feel like "big man" to be there for this girl, but she is toying with you. My gut tells me this.

 

Turbo,

 

Thanks (you, east and bb07) have provided so much insight. I think I get it...but like with everything when it is happening to you it is much harder to act on and follow through with. Just from reading other people's experiences it seems as if the NC comes in stages....and at different times for everyone.

 

Basically this woman had deep feelings for me. It started as an EA and then became a PA. The PA caused to much guilt so she quickly retreated..it was intense...I mean it could see the feelings in her face and eyes when we were together. The guilt is too much when it is physical for her but she doesn't want to let go. She wants to stay married to her husband because she loves him. But now there is me and she doesn't want to let that go because I make her laugh and smile. She basically wants to have her cake and eat it too. And I am like a kid waiting for ice cream.......wanting more and more and more because I have developed feelings for her. She knows this...she knows that I feel the same as she does and she knows as long as a little bit is dangled I will be there. She knows this because when she writes...I eagerly write back (and I'm not trying to say she is being evil).

[East7]

So darn true. But itts hard...and those other posters think I took advantage of this woman. I find that funny but whatever. I think we took advantage of each other. I think you are right. She has deep feelings for me but still wants her marriage. Her asking me for advice and help is her way of keeping me in her life, connecting but still allows her to maintain her marriage. Interesting.....it really is. Do you really think if I maintain this friendly contact, and friendly only it will evolve back into an A?

 

No you didn't took advantage on this woman..whatever ! You didn't put a gun in her head to talk with you.

 

For a couple of months xMW somehow considered me as her counselor, it was awkward for me to advice her about her marriage

It was also painful to see the fact that she wanted to save her marriage, damn-it ! I was like WTF, me, her lover is helping her how to communicate with her H...?

Later I realized that this was her "friendly" part talking. Married women will always look for a shoulder to lean on and say how their marriage is miserable and vent about it, while having absolutely no plans with you ! Isn't that insane ? That will drive you crazy if you let this happen.

 

Easier said than done. I told myself no contact. And as soon as my phone vibrated with and email notification from her...I was ecstatic. But I didn't read it...........until about 6 hours later...I tried not to..but I broke down and did. Then I answered it...arggghhh.

I have known this in the first stages of NC. An e-mail, text or whatever and my heart would skip a beat ! It made my stomach stretch but having her contacting me would make me ecstatic too.

So you are not the only one

 

It takes a lot of discipline to keep the itchy fingers off and not answer, but it is worth it to be disciplined.

 

I have spent 5 months in an on-and-off NC with her and each time I was sucked back, the rollercoaster began, it was the same thing, no hopes, sadness, I love you-s but I can't leave my H...etc...Always the f*cking old same story over and over.

 

Pull the plug now !

Edited March 16, 2011 by East7

[Happy Finally]

I'm not going to lie... I LOVE STRIP CLUBS! Dudes dont bother me. LOL! I can drink and party in a private section and not be bothered. I am not interested in females but some are gorgeous and very talented. I am not saying that dancing on top of a table is talent either, but there are very exclusive shows. My xH and I had no problem going to joints together, I make it a point to visit one in each country I travel to. You'll be surprised of the culture shock.

Sorry for the t/j.

 

Tell me about it..strip clubs in other countries may not just be strip clubs. I remember being in Italy with the guys while we were in port. We go to SC because...we were out to sea for 4 months in a row. The owner comes over with this two hot girls..and goes in really accented and broken English "5 American Dollar she dance on table nude, 10 American Dollar she dance naked on you and your friends, 20 American dollar she take you in back an f your d%%^ off!!!!" I remember my friend just spitting his drink out with the O SHooooot look on his face ....remembering that right now is making me LOL.

 

no TJ going on here...it's like a sidebar conversation.

[Happy Finally]

No you didn't took advantage on this woman..whatever ! You didn't put a gun in her head to talk with you.

 

For a couple of months xMW somehow considered me as her counselor, it was awkward for me to advice her about her marriage

It was also painful to see the fact that she wanted to save her marriage, damn-it ! I was like WTF, me, her lover is helping her how to communicate with her H...?

Later I realized that this was her "friendly" part talking. Married women will always look for a shoulder to lean on and say how their marriage is miserable and vent about it, while having absolutely no plans with you ! Isn't that insane ? That will drive you crazy if you let this happen.

 

I have known this in the first stages of NC. An e-mail, text or whatever and my heart would skip a beat ! It made my stomach stretch but having her contacting me would make me ecstatic too.

So you are not the only one

 

It takes a lot of discipline to keep the itchy fingers off and not answer, but it is worth it to be disciplined.

 

I have spent 5 months in an on-and-off NC with her and each time I was sucked back, the rollercoaster began, it was the same thing, no hopes, sadness, I love you-s but I can't leave my H...etc...Always the f*cking old same story over and over.

 

Pull the plug now !

 

I know...I am heading right down that same path. It's like I am watching myself on tv. I am yellilng at it going "YOU RATARD STOP. YOU KNOW WHAT IS REALLY OCCURING!!!!" but I don't hear myself.

[BB07]

I know...I am heading right down that same path. It's like I am watching myself on tv. I am yellilng at it going "YOU RATARD STOP. YOU KNOW WHAT IS REALLY OCCURING!!!!" but I don't hear myself.

 

OH Happy, stop this stupid ****z OK and don't say you can't.

[Happy Finally]

OH Happy, stop this stupid ****z OK and don't say you can't.

 

I checked my email today...repsonded earlier...but I haven't opened the new one yet..........yet....but that's because the Tourney is on......

[BB07]

I checked my email today...repsonded earlier...but I haven't opened the new one yet..........yet....but that's because the Tourney is on......

 

You seem hell bent on riding the train till it crashes.

 

Hope you have a air bag in front of you because you are gonna need a damn big one.

 

I rest my case.

[dreamingoftigers]

How much self-control are you going to throw away in the name of your "personal freedom" and "happiness."

 

Anyone here could have told you (and did) that you were not to find contentment or any form of security with this woman.

 

This is not because she is married, emotional, kind, cruel, black, white, orange, mystical or animal-like. This is because you were avoiding the conflict in your own marriage and seeking happiness from a source outside of your self. Happiness isn't something found in someone else. You went the wrong way.

 

Happiness is something that you receive simply by working for it within yourself. You take good care of yourself and then share yourself in non-shameful ways with others. Will happiness get you laid? Maybe. Maybe not. That is definitely not the point.

 

You are still looking in the wrong

[dreamingoftigers]

You seem hell bent on riding the train till it crashes.

 

Hope you have a air bag in front of you because you are gonna need a damn big one.

 

I rest my case.

 

Feeling a little blue in the face?

 

Those who do not learn from their mistakes.....

[Happy Finally]

You seem hell bent on riding the train till it crashes.

 

Hope you have a air bag in front of you because you are gonna need a damn big one.

 

I rest my case.

 

BB07,

 

I don't know why either. I am a pretty rational person in all other aspects of my life. I'm an Engineer so I usually think things through. I try to make the best decisions. In fact I know what the right choice is here but for some reason when my phone vibrates...I hope it is her. When it is I answer back. Not right away. I tell myself...no no, I know you said you would be friends...but if you stop...she will eventually have to stop. But then I just do.....

 

My thing is...if she really wants to work it out with the H...why does she keep making contact? Never, mind...I know the answer to that. Actually what I want to know..is if she just wants to be friends...why is she going back to talking like before the PA and she just wigged out?

 

Maybe it's because I know that my marriage, even thought the wife says she will work on it, is done. She just went to VA to visit her dad because of his emergency surgery and her uncle died yesterday. She arrived last night...spent the night out with friends until 5am. Went to the hospital for a few hours and now has been with the same friends since...and their plan is the same as yesterday. I said..I thought you went down there because of your dad...and Uncle...she snapped, called me controlling, some nasty names said she will do what she wants...she is a grown woman...and hung up.

Edited March 16, 2011 by Happy Finally

[dreamingoftigers]

Dear Sir,

 

You are right, there is something missing in your marriage. Then something is the fact that when you marry someone you end up taking 50% of the responsibility in it. Their 50% is not your responsibility and your 50% is not their responsibility. Her choices do not give you a free ticket to behave however you want. Your level of self-respect decides how you behave: it decides how you treat others and how you let them treat you.

 

This comes from someone who has learned the stupidly hardest ways. I am not bitter about my life or the lessons I have had to learn. Your wife is not here to talk to, nor is she sharing her side of things. At this point your marriage is missing one dedicated husband who respects himself and his wife, who would appear to have quite the mental illness. If you cannot deal with the mental illness, you need to acknowledge where your limit is, set it and get support when you have hit that limit.

 

You (in theory) would not abandon her if she had cancer.

 

You have greatly shirked your responsibility and seem to even view the connecting act if sex as being boiled down to mere stimulatory body parts. You cannot repair a marriage and intimacy in absentia. By having contact with the other woman who you have cratered your end if the marriage with, you are effectively providing yourself with more escapism and less responsibility. You are at a point now where you can decide between your short-term ego and your long term self-respect. That has nothing to do with your wife.

 

Time to use those balls for something other then what you have been doing.

[dreamingoftigers]

But I will say this: I did get a smirk out if reading in response #44 that " the quilt is eating her alive."

 

Painted an interesting mental picture, maybe that's is the real reason that she jumped off the bed and left.

[Happy Finally]

Dear Sir,

 

who would appear to have quite the mental illness. If you cannot deal with the mental illness, you need to acknowledge where your limit is, set it and get support when you have hit that limit.

You (in theory) would not abandon her if she had cancer.

 

You have greatly shirked your responsibility and seem to even view the connecting act if sex as being boiled down to mere stimulatory body parts. You cannot repair a marriage and intimacy in absentia. By having contact with the other woman who you have cratered your end if the marriage with, you are effectively providing yourself with more escapism and less responsibility. You are at a point now where you can decide between your short-term ego and your long term self-respect. That has nothing to do with your wife.

 

Time to use those balls for something other then what you have been doing.

 

First off, you are probably right, she does have a mental illness (this means at least you read the thread). I have dealt with it for the past 9-10 years. I haven't shirked a damn thing when it comes to that. I had the knives pulled on me, I have been the one to be punched, hit, bit, slapped, kicked in the groin and even worse stop her from beating herself to a pulp...many mirrors have been broken by her forehead and on her own accord....and I still am there when she curls up in a ball and cries. I am also the one there when I tell her what has happened and she looks at me and says...I don't remember doing that (at first I thought it was BS, over the years...I have come to feel differently). I am the one who consoles my kids when she snaps and says "Your f'ing little ingrates...you little sh&*s...FU....FU" and then she runs off to cry. And she never remembers doing it. I am the one who tells my kids, Mommy loves them and she doesn't know what she is doing. Now I will say...she does a pretty darn god job of not flipping the switch on the kids and usually reserves that for me. I have a high limit for my wife...very high..which is why I am still married. 3 affairs she has had, and I'm sure she is sleeping with the friends she visits in VA....not all but at least the couple she gets very very defensive about....I have seen the pictures taken in their bedrooms posted on facebook, she forgets I get those.

 

I'm not saying the fact that I went outside of my marriage is right. It is not. But after all these years, not hearing my wife say I love you for about 2, and the ever increasing distance she puts between us (only to be broken by her spazzing out) I broke and responded to someone who laughed at my jokes, smiled when I talked to them, and actually had an interest in me besides being pin cushion. I became weak and I had an A. Now it's hard to let it go because this woman actually made me smile and treated me nicely.

 

You're right my wife is not here to tell her side of the story. But you know what her side would be....I don't remember doing any of that stuff. Until the kids were old enough to express themselves...she thought I was making it up. And then we caught it on camera. Even then..when she watched it...she just spazzed and said we made it up with an actress. Blamed me and the kids for colluding against her...to make her look evil.

 

I love my wife. I have begged her to get help..but she doesn't think she has a problem. And when someone doesn't think they have a problem..good luck getting them to get help. She functions normally most of the time. And not all of the times are spazzed out times...sometimes you think things are fine...but she just isn't acting like...her..like I know what she acts like...just a little different (I don't expect you to understand what I mean with that, I know and so do my older two boys).

 

I haven't shirked a darn thing. When she called about her dad..I came right home from work. I was there and I was confronted with "You F'in idiot..you left work..you are such a dipsh$%...god, why did I marry you...go go back to work!!!!!!!!!!" Leaving work isn't a bid deal. I haven't shirked anything.

 

I didn't expect this with the A. I didn't expect this with the oMW. And now I am juggling two impossible things....and at the same darn time...I keep my kids lives balanced.

 

I didn't write this for sympathy but reading parts of your response really really pissed me off. But I appreciate people being blunt and truthful.